Redefining Discomfort A Courageous Choice of Hope
[Applause]
good afternoon everybody
i’m so glad and honored to be part of
this event speaking to you today
i would like to start my talk by asking
you probably the most random question
that you will ever get asked on this
event and that is
do you journal no but like actually do
you write down how your day was and your
thoughts your fears your goals
i do and it’s something i definitely
recommend but the reason why i’m
bringing it up
is because the source of my message
today is something that i wrote
two years ago on my journal so if you
would let me i would like to begin this
speech by
asking you by reading you actually this
journal entry
and hopefully the message behind it can
reach you in meaningful ways
so here it is this is from two years ago
wednesday morning end of august 2018.
mom wakes me up at six a.m it’s still
dark outside
but so is inside the lights of the room
are on yet
yet it feels dark it feels cold
i hear a knock on the door a lady walks
in she’s wearing scrubs and just holding
a clear plastic bag with some fluid
inside
and the word chemotherapy written on it
as you understand i’m not home
i haven’t been in a while nor will i
anytime soon for the past eight months
i’ve been in germany
receiving treatment for my cancer
i’m scared that i might never get the
chance to go home again
about two weeks ago i had a surgery
where they took out the tumor
and with it a third of my leg and my
knee and replace that whole thing with a
prosthesis which
if you think about i guess it’s kind of
cool that science can do that right now
right
i mean it’s kind of cool but the surgery
had complications
and my leg is now paralyzed
i don’t know if i will ever be able to
walk again
as the nurse removes the bandages around
my leg i scream out in agony
is there something that you can maybe
give her for the pain my mom asks
i’m sorry but but now she’s already
maxed out on morphine
there’s nothing else we can give her
right now the nurse replies
i close my eyes as tight as ever and
every cell of my body is just praying
and hoping and wishing
that when i open them again i’ll be home
and i won’t be in pain and i’ll be
getting ready for school just like
everybody else
but every time i open my eyes again the
picture does not change
god if you’re listening will it ever get
better
will i ever get better will the pain
never stop i mean
why doesn’t it stop
i feel trapped see that’s exactly what i
want to talk to you today about
feeling trapped see what i failed to
realize when i wrote that two years ago
was that even though i thought i was
trapped in my pain
in reality i was not trapped in the
discomfort of my body
but in the comfort of my mind see i was
trapped in fear
despair bound by worry and chain to
exhaustion
and why do i refer to these things as
comfort
well because they were in my comfort
zone
so my question to you today is this have
you ever felt trapped
in the comfort of your mind in your
insecurity your loneliness your
your weakness your fear and someone
else’s opinion about you
and what society expects you to be in
your regret your anxiety your doubt
and if yes how do you get out
see what i realized from my own
experience is that when you’re locked in
the prison cell of your own mind
the only way to escape and get out
is to redefine the bars of the cell
the borders that keep you locked in
see your border is your discomfort right
and whatever that discomfort might be
for you in your life
in order to redefine it we have to look
at the function
which it serves but you see in order to
find the purpose behind the pain
we need the specific perspective and so
today we will
explore this function of discovery by by
the perspective of three different words
these words are familiarity
fight and freedom these three simple
words today
will help us escape but let’s take it
from the beginning right
before we can begin to understand the
function of discomfort
we first need to overcome the threat of
familiarity
see when something is familiar it’s
common right and when something is
common
it’s comfortable but that’s a problem
and that’s a problem because when you
get so
familiar to comfort it then becomes
dysfunctional
see comfort does not challenge
familiarity does not fuel your faith it
does not supply your strength it does
not develop your determination
but what it does is this your comfort
controls
how you deal with your discomfort
because here’s what comfort tells you it
tells you
give up don’t have hope don’t take risks
it tells you worry have fear don’t chase
that dream don’t pursue that passion
or you can’t do that that’s impossible
and yet we listen to comfort and we
choose comfort and we run back to
comfort why
well because it’s easier
see living discouraged and bitter and
worried is easier so much easier than
holding on and fighting and trying
and a lot of times we settle for what’s
easier
for what works for what’s comfortable
because there’s no fear in familiarity
there’s no risk and see we are so scared
of the risk of hope
that we choose to become familiar
with our comfort zone but as a result
what we escape to becomes what we are
trapped in
think about it we escape to familiarity
right but the dysfunctionality of
comfort
traps us and that’s exactly what makes
it a threat
because it traps us in a state where we
choose what gives
comfort over what takes courage
and a lot of times we feel so trapped
that we start believing
that staying trapped is our only option
that staying depressed staying lonely
that staying bitter staying hopeless
is our only option but it’s not it never
is
there’s always a second option which
also happens to be
our second word see you can give up and
stay in your comfort zone
i don’t recommend it but you can do it
or
you can get out and fight and how do you
do that
well you choose to be brave that’s how
see being brave means pushing through
and persevering
despite the pain it means taking the
risk of hope
no matter how impossible it seems or how
difficult it gets
being brave means being bold enough to
pursue your passion
even when all the odds are against you
and it also means being resilient enough
to continue to fight even when you feel
like you’ve got no more fight
left in you see it’s about having the
unconditional trust that maybe someday
tomorrow will be better that maybe
there’s light at the end of this that
maybe there’s a reason for your struggle
a lot of people call that a delusion
i call it determination a lot of people
call it
false hope i call it faith
see it’s all about how you call it and
if you really think about it
redefining discomfort is truly all about
perspective
because once you see your story of
suffering
as a source of strength weakness is
transformed to power
but in order for that to happen you need
to be brave
now a lot of people’s reaction when i
tell them that is well easy for you to
say right
maybe you’re brave maybe that person is
brave but but what about me what do i do
i’m not brave i don’t feel brave
but see what i think a lot of people
don’t understand
is that brave is not something that you
are
by default it’s something that you
become
by choice nobody is intrinsically brave
but anybody can instantly become because
being brave is not
a feeling it’s a courageous choice
of hope
you see a lot of people’s reaction when
i tell them that the thing about being
brave
is that well maybe maybe that’s the case
but even if that’s the case
i’m not strong enough to make that
choice i’m not strong enough
you don’t have to be i’m not strong
enough either but i don’t have to be you
know why because that’s exactly
what it means to be brave that even
though i’m not strong enough
even though i’m not prepared enough and
equipped enough and ready enough
even though i’m scared and the odds are
against me and it seems
impossible i choose to keep going anyway
for the first six to seven months of my
treatment
i was on this very high dose extremely
aggressive chemotherapy protocol
where i would basically need to stay in
the hospital for 25 days every single
month
and 14 of those days would be spent in
the high risk intensive care isolation
ward
for the extremely immunocompromised
patients
for weeks i would be passed out
completely unconscious because of the
drugs
then all of a sudden get up wake up
throw up
and then fall back down and pass back
out again
one night i remember in particular i was
i was with my mom in the bathroom
and i remember i just looked up and i
stared at myself in the mirror
and i didn’t even recognize myself
i started crying and and you could smell
the chemotherapy in my tears
at some point i looked over at my mom
and i asked her
mom how did i get here
what happened to me where did i go
as we were walking back from the
bathroom i just i just stopped in the
middle of the hallway
i didn’t have the strength to take
another step
my mom she gave me a tight hugging and
as i stayed there in her arms crying
desperate i asked her mama how much
longer
do i have to hold on for
i can’t do this anymore i don’t
have to be in pain anymore i don’t have
to suffer anymore i just
i can’t take this any longer
and this didn’t only happen that one
night it happened during every night
of every chemotherapy and every night of
every surgery
to the point that it even became a thing
that our family would do would just stop
in the middle of the hallway
hug each other and cry together
stay brave that’s what i told myself
but i was so tired of fighting i was so
tired and so terrified
and the reason why i was so afraid to
continue to fight
was because i knew the things that i
would have to fight against
but stay brave that’s what i told myself
stay brave just for you can hold on just
for five more minutes please just
please five more minutes you can hold on
you can do it just five more minutes
i begged myself and so i stayed brave
for another
for five minutes and then after those
five minutes for another five and
another five
and another five and i got through a
year and a half of treatment
14 rounds of intense chemotherapy nine
surgeries
countless of sleepless nights five
minutes at a time
staying brave five minutes at a time
not because i was strong that was the
exact opposite i was not strong
i tried so hard to be strong but but my
hands had gone weary from holding on so
tight
and my soldiers had grown tired and weak
from just just
holding on and carrying this unbearable
weight of pain and suffering for so long
i was not strong i was weak helpless
lifeless powerless i was not
strong but the fact that i’m standing
here today the fact that every morning i
get to wake up go to school
sit in a classroom and talk about
electromagneticism
thermodynamics and the french revolution
the fact that there’s a breath in my
lungs and my heart’s still beating
it screams out that strength is not a
requirement
for survival you don’t need to be strong
enough to make it you don’t need to have
everything figured out
you don’t need to understand you don’t
need to pretend you don’t need to be
fearless
all you need to do is stay brave in the
face of that fear stay brave in the face
of the odds
stay brave in the face of impossible and
choose
to keep going anyway and yeah stepping
out of your comfort zone is difficult
staying brave is difficult choosing hope
and holding on to hope is difficult and
you know what
even getting out of bed in the morning
is difficult on some days
but you know what else it is on all days
worth it it’s worth it you might not see
it now while it’s difficult
that night i didn’t either that night i
was a mess
but watch this it was only in that mess
that a message of hope was being formed
and see it’s the message that makes the
mess worth it whatever that message
might be for you in your life
whether it’s a message of gratitude self
love appreciation kindness forgiveness
empathy compassion i don’t even know
but whatever it is the message makes the
mess worth it
the growth makes the pain worth it but
you see here’s the thing
that mess edge is only revealed when
you’re at the edge of your mess
when you’re ready to give up when you’re
ready to let go when you’re this close
to giving in but it’s up to you
it’s up to you to continue to fight it’s
up to you to stay brave and have hope
it’s up to you to not give up
and you know what happens when you don’t
give up
miracles not necessarily big ones maybe
maybe small everyday
miracles like waking up and getting out
of bed in the morning
with a breath in your lungs a beat in
your heart and a smile on your face
or going outside and feeling the warmth
of the sun on your skin
or seeing your family and giving them a
hug you know those are the kind of
miracles
that you start appreciating and noticing
when you redefine discomfort
perspective right but of course there
are
bigger miracles too like we can’t forget
about them we can’t ignore them
and in fact i would like to share one
such bigger miracle
with you today as i told you before for
a year and a half i was in germany for
treatment and so during that time my
my biggest goal or one of my biggest
goals was to to manage to fly home
just for a few days in between the
chemotherapy blocks and
take my finals pass and graduate like
that was like
my biggest goal all i thought about all
i looked forward to for months
but you see towards the end of may i got
admitted in the hospital with multiple
severe
infections and at that point i was
i was very very sick my bone marrow was
just done like my
my immune system was practically
non-existent my white blood cells were
not even detectable
i i needed blood and platelet
transfusions every few days i was
maxed out on morphine so many
antibiotics so many medications
injections like
the doctors didn’t know what else to
give me
but none of it worked i didn’t get
better i only got
worse and in fact i got so much worse
than
just a week before we were supposed to
fly home like the tickets we had the
tickets everything was ready
but just a week before we were supposed
to fly i did i got so much worse
the doctors told us that there was just
no way i would make it home
in time they said there was no way i
would survive the flight home
with that kind of an immune system
they said it was impossible for that
immune system
to regenerate that fast and like it was
like your immune system can go from zero
to ten in two days like
it was impossible so we canceled the
flight and
and i was devastated you know i lost all
strength and hope
to fight to keep trying
but the story is not over yet there was
one doctor
my oncologist who who didn’t give up on
me and i i interpreted that as a sort of
message from up above that the story’s
not over yet that
that is not over there’s more life to
believed
and to believe that i just can’t give up
yet
not yet and see because of that message
because of
that one doctor who kept fighting for my
dream
i chose to fight for it too to hope for
it too
and i truly believe that it was because
of that hope that two days
after they told us that traveling was
just impossible
there was a sudden increase in all of my
blood counts
and just two weeks later not only was i
back home i had already passed all my
finals and i was walking for the first
time in six months i was walking i had
been in a wheelchair
for like six seven months but now i was
walking still with a massive tumor
in my knee like pressing against my
bones every step i took
i could feel that tumor and yet i was
walking
across the stage of the school
auditorium
to receive my diploma but if you really
think about it
in reality that was just that wasn’t
just a walk across the stage
it was a walk across impossible that
night for everybody else was just
a random tuesday night right but for me
that night was
everything it was everything because it
showed me that anything is possible
if you’re determined enough and if
you’re brave enough
to keep fighting for it to keep hoping
for it because let’s be honest a lot of
times the only way that you can fight
is by holding on to hope and that’s okay
because that’s where our third word
comes in
freedom freedom from the chains of
hopelessness freedom
from the prison cell of our comfort zone
and freedom from the borders
that keep us locked in so how do you get
that freedom
i’m glad you asked i think it all come
down it all comes down
to this one single question
will you choose to stay trapped
or will you choose to stay brave
and before you answer that i want to
leave you off today with the words of
one of my surgeons
that i think are going to greatly affect
your answer
so this doctor he was the one who who he
was my surgeon here in greece the one
who performed my biopsy found my cancer
and we instantly became best friends and
like we’ve been best friends ever
since and so we were on the phone one
night talking and something had happened
and i was
i was very scared for my life at that
point and so we were talking on the
phone and
i told him about it and he told me to be
brave
and that was the first time that i had
heard of the thing of
you know being brave and at first i was
like you know what
and i remember i asked him i was like
can i
can i really be brave when i’m so afraid
when i’m so
tired when i’m so broken
can i really be brave then
and he paused for a minute and then he
told me you don’t get this do you
that’s the only time that you can be
brave
so i chose to be brave and to stay brave
the question is will you
thank you