The battle for my brain a story of hope and healing.
[Music]
i
open my eyes confused
i look around the lights are so
bright the room is white
machines beeping were in the background
a stranger is leaning over me where
am i what is happening
i try to push back the blanket with my
arm
but it does not want to move
i attempt to speak but the only sounds i
make are slurred
finally the stranger looks at me
understanding dawns
on her face it strikes me then
that i am in hospital
it will be okay rebecca she says as she
pats my leg
exhausted my eyes closed i cannot
process what’s going on
perhaps this nightmare will be over soon
next door in a small stuffy conference
room
around a crowded table my family
anxiously wait
for the team of specialists to give
their verdict
multiple evaluations have been conducted
no hope is the verdict rebecca will not
recover
rebecca will never function
independently again
my mum my sister and my best friend
dissolve into a puddle of tears
my family are given information on
having me admitted to a nursing home
for permanent 24-hour care
fed up my dad stands and points at the
specialist
you do not know my daughter he yells and
storms out
dragging the rest of my inconsolable
family with him
have you ever had that moment when you
want to give up
crawling into a dark hole to disappear
seems preferable than facing the
obstacles that lay ahead
i was known as the dresses in heels girl
every day was an opportunity to express
my creativity now i knew what outfit i
would wear
from day to day my friends loved it
however my career had gone in another
direction
i worked in the resources industry with
my newfound love of
welding and science i plan to retrain as
an engineer
in my spare time i volunteered in animal
rescue
my life was a typical snapshot of any
other young woman
in her late twenties
unexpectedly my health spiraled
downwards
i had what felt like hundreds of blood
tests
it seemed like i lived in a medical
center
no explanation was found
back at the doctor’s office my my
employer gave me three months medical
leave
to rest and recuperate
so i decided to focus on healing
one day as i was preparing to meet a
friend i was looking for my keys
i felt an overwhelming urge to lay down
a few minutes later i violently began to
shake
i thought i had a seizure
it was definitely time to seek medical
help again
back at the doctor’s office he decided
to order an mri to check for the worst
case scenario
a brain tumor just in case
i felt reassured and continue with my
life as usual
during this time my best friend got
engaged and asked me to be her
bridesmaid
the mr itself was noisy and time
consuming
i passed the hour thinking of my
wardrobe
the next morning i received a phone call
asking that i come in immediately
i felt a chill one down my spine
i was absolutely terrified
i asked my parents to come with me for
support
as we sat in front of the doctor i knew
my life would be forever changed i
had a brain tumor urgent surgery was
needed
to save my life the seizure i thought i
had
was a stroke and there were many more to
come
we say keep positive when faced with
life’s challenges
i thought chemotherapy would be the next
treatment after brain surgery
my hair would grow back amazing i’d lose
weight
i had the damaged my teeth fixed in
other words
looking fabulous in time for the wedding
was what i had to look forward to
to say it was distressing is an
understatement
but nothing prepared us for the outcome
initially surgery went well
later that night i suffered a massive
stroke
my life hung in the balance for weeks i
drifted in and out of consciousness in
rcu
while everyone discussed my fate
my next memory is six weeks later my
doctor
explained what had happened and the
rehabilitation journey that lay ahead
i was puzzled how could this happen to a
young person
like me
one day in rehab over coffee
my best friend i told my best friend
i could no longer be a bridesmaid
her answer was a firm no i thought how
could i walk down the aisle i can’t move
did that she refused to hear another
word
who was like to argue with the blushing
brad
the rehabilitation process was long
far longer than i expected
i thought my life would return to normal
within a matter of days
it soon became clear how utterly
mistaken i was
i had to learn to manage the most simple
of tasks
like brushing my teeth all by myself
every night i’d cry myself to sleep
positive rebecca was nowhere to be found
i felt as though i was a liability
thankfully my family lifted me up when i
could go on no longer
my dad was undaunted in his belief that
i
would improve he would tell anyone who
cared to listen
that rebecca would recover but at night
the tears fell in silence he would
question himself
over and over was remaining hopeful
that i would improve the key to my
success
or had his talks had his positive
attitude turned into a toxic behavior
that undermined
the difficult journey that lay ahead
i returned home far earlier than
predicted
using a wheelchair my hands shaking
uncontrollably
and my voice still sled the
rehabilitation process
continued the next three years were
grueling
learning to walk speak read and write as
an adult
is an exercise in patience
every gain followed the rule of three
steps forward and two steps back
i remember so clearly the first time i
stood in the shower
it shocks me still that i took something
so small for granted
for months i’d showered with the
assistance
in a shower chair my arms lifted up and
scrubbed
my stubbly hair massaged into a foamy
leather
as the warm beautiful water fell softly
on my skin
i relish every moment
the tears fell down my face
and i knew then that everything
would be okay
months later i fled to queensland as
part of my best friend’s bridal party
i managed to walk down the aisle using
no mobility aids
but clinging to my partner groomsmen
at the reception i was asked to give an
impromptu speech
while still very self-conscious about my
slur
i agreed i briefly told the story
of what had happened i described how
this wedding had been my motivation
to learn to walk again i thanked my best
friend
afterwards i received my first standing
ovation
the crowd clapped for what felt like
hours
later on i was diagnosed with further
brain tumors
these are inoperable but remain stable
undaunted i continued on with my
rehabilitation journey
eventually regaining my driver’s license
and completing tertiary studies
it is ingrained into our subconscious
that remaining positive
is the answer to any tragedy we face
while trying to comfort others we remind
them and by extension ourselves
that there are many in the world who
have it worse
when you are that person who has a worse
like me
you begin to realize those statements
are incredibly
destructive and toxic so many people say
to me
but you have to survive so much as if
that negates any further problems
that happen in my life recognizing the
obstacles that lay ahead
is not the same as re as accepting those
obstacles cannot be overcome the
acknowledgment of these challenges gives
us the mental clarity
to successfully plan an action moving
forward
as a whole humanity is resilient we
thrive without happiness
we can learn to live with pain
realistic optimism or hope can coexist
with emotions such as grief
anger or sadness remaining hopeful
in a situation that seems hopeless is
almost
impossible but not improbable
we do not need to experience trauma to
effectively utilize the possibilities
hope can bring hope is universal
its beauty can be attributed to the
fierceness of its power
hope does not expire nor does it run out
raining blindly optimistic is the
socially acceptable form
of self-sabotage as much as we
may try we cannot avoid the diversity of
life’s experiences
however we can apply
the concept of hope to any circumstances
we face
have you ever had a traumatic incident
that left your life forever changed
the person that looks back at you in the
mirror is a stranger
thinking back to the years gone by is
the story of someone else
when i look at these two photos i see
two
completely different women
i ask myself daily
do i hope to regain my old life that of
a student engineer with so many dreams
of success
or do i see my new life as more
accomplished
having conquered the impossible
i’m not sure if i want to know the
answer
thank you
you