We are Losing Our Humanity and Im Tired of Watching it Happen
[Music]
my
first boss out of business school did a
phenomenal job of teaching me how to be
a horrible boss
he taught me so many dubious lessons how
to treat the people who work for me with
no respect
how to have a large ego and how to be
inauthentic
i lump all of those things under the
word dubious
his lesson stayed with me for 33 years
and it took
major life events for me to actually let
go
of those lessons leaving corporate
having my e-commerce consulting business
go to
zero during the dot-com days and
completely reinventing my book
publishing company because of amazon i
can’t believe
i spent over half my life acting
dubiously
it’s been 36 years now and three years
ago i thought he was completely out of
my life
in practicing for this talk joe lau my
10th
reviewer said something that made me
recognize there was one more dubious
lesson i needed to let go
blame joe said those people that teaches
dubiousness are innocent because that’s
what they were taught and those before
them
were taught the same thing so i want to
say
thank you joe i no longer place fault
with my first boss for who i was
you see we’re all born innocent we’re
born neither credible nor
dubious as we grow up we are taught to
live and work
dubiously just like my boss taught me
the seeds of dubiousness are planted in
so many different ways and one example
is the first time a parent tells a child
to lie about their age so they get the
free kids meal
so as we’re going down the road we don’t
see the turn to credible we only see
dubious because that is what we’re
taught that is what we know
let me point out the dubiousness of
two historical events during the dot-com
days
people were encouraged to spend stock
option money they didn’t cash in and
they got so full of themselves they stop
going to meetings and they stop
paying their bills today because they
can pay the bills tomorrow
during the 2007 financial crisis
the creative financiers made billions
and instead of getting the penalties
they deserved
they were given a slap on the wrist the
rules were changed and we were showing
society that dubious ways
pays
over the last couple decades dubiousness
has crept more and more into society as
can be seen by the american state of
credibility survey
it shows that only 57 percent of
americans are considered
dubious considered credible 43
are considered dubious and 50 thought it
was
worse in the year the survey was done
versus the previous year
the survey went on to list the bottom
four
professions in terms of credibility
national news media lawyers
members of congress and automotive
salespeople
now when i was growing up i couldn’t
possibly imagine that the national news
media and
congress would be in the same negative
list as lawyers and automotive sales
people
this got me thinking about our humanity
so i looked up the definition and
according to the american
webster dictionary it’s the
compassionate sympathetic or generous
behavior
or disposition the quality or state of
being humane
now in looking at this definition and
thinking about
this survey i came to one depressing
conclusion
the continual teaching of dubiousness is
causing us to lose our humanity
over one year period i interviewed 500
thought leaders on the concept of
credibility and i had
a number of positive and negative
surprises and many aha moments
i didn’t realize when i first started
doing the interviews i needed to keep
track of
when and how people showed up
it turns out that two percent have no
integrity by not showing up to their
scheduled interview and not
letting me know why before or afterwards
four percent were rude by coming late
to a live show and overall 23 percent of
the people were late
80 percent who were really phenomenal in
this one-on-one conversation
have a really shitty online presence and
98
needed clarity on who they serve and how
best they serve them
after 95 of the interviews were done i
had a
massive aha moment you see i have a lot
of video testimonials over 400
and they go something like this
mitchell i’ve needed clarity for the
last two
four 10 12 years and you gave it to me
in five minutes
thank you very much now with over 400
testimonials
and people telling me i’m brilliant that
dubious lesson of ego
started creeping up again
that’s when i realized it shouldn’t be
that easy
no one should be able to talk to you for
five or ten minutes give you some words
of wisdom and in some cases completely
change the trajectory of your life
what i realized is that it wasn’t me
it was the framework it involved
throwing away the positioning
that we have
and focusing on and delivering and
clearly articulating
our purpose we’ve been taught wrong
we’ve been taught to do business the
hard way we’ve been taught to do
business
dubiously instead of credibly
so after 95 of the interviews were done
i had a wake-up call i have a son who’s
in his 20s and i’m
unhappy about the state of humanity he’s
living in today versus what it was when
he was growing up versus what it was
when i was growing up
i want us to reverse this dubious trend
for this generation
and the next since business school
i’ve been looking for that person who
would teach me and others
how to actually bring humanity back into
business
what i recognize is i need to stop
looking and that we
all need to do it and we need to do this
now
so i ask you can we bring humanity back
into how we live work and play
is there a path for us to be more humane
is there a path that would allow us to
cross from the dubious to the credible
side of the river
the answer is yes let me start by
sharing with you the current definition
of credibility and then give you the
updated definition that came out of the
research
to the oxford dictionary credibility
is the quality that somebody has that
makes people believe or trust them
so unless you’re reading between the
lines that’s only one third accurate
based on the research the phrase know
like and trust is brought to a whole new
level as
credibility is the quality of being
known
being likable and being trustworthy
as you could see no like and trust are
there
pillars of credibility let me dive a
little deeper and
share with you the composition
the first pillar being known as
comprised of four components
being a servant leader having the desire
to serve others
have the intent and commitment to do the
right thing and having
integrity
the survey went on to highlight the top
three
areas in terms of credibility
nurses doctors pharmacists now why is
that
their perceived notion that they’re
there to serve their patients
they don’t have a personal agenda they
don’t have a political agenda
they have a human agenda now imagine
what would happen
if the sales people in your company were
perceived by your prospects as serving
them versus serving themselves
the second component of
credibility is being likable
and i love this pillar it makes it easy
to see a definition of what we need to
do to be more likeable it
involves two components sharing your
stage
and showing respect
now a word that came out of the
interviews
is cred dust it’s a fun word it’s that
sparkle that happens when you share
somebody else’s ideas thoughts or
actions
everybody wins the person you recognize
is seeing more you are recognized as
someone who is there to serve your
audience
by sharing other people and your
audience is benefiting by the new
knowledge
the second component showing respect by
showing
up when you show up this involves coming
early
being prepared and coming with your
heart
now once i recognize the need to keep
track i define coming early as 10
minutes or before and coming super later
rude is
after the hour you need to update these
numbers to reflect the types of meetings
you have
i need to remind you that four percent
of the interviewees came
after the hour to talk about their
credibility for a live show
let’s give them the benefit of the doubt
let’s say they were taught dubiously
they were taught that having
10 to 20 meetings a day was credible and
when one meeting goes late
they all go late they still think
they’re credible and they’re not they’re
acting
dubiously and they’re being rude to the
people that they’re meeting with
on coming prepared it involves googling
the person’s name and company ahead of
time
so that you have the information and you
could be of service
i’m coming with your heart it means not
holding back
it means 50 of the people who came to
the interviews
did not originally show me their heart i
was able to move that number from fifty
percent to eighty percent
but it shows me that people were not
prepared to show me who they are
if i can’t get to see you how can i get
to respect you how can i get to like you
and most importantly
why would i want to do business with you
the third pillar of credibility is being
trustworthy
it’s being authentic having integrity
vulnerability
what came out of the interview very
strong was coachability
one of the people who came to the
interviews didn’t prepare
he wasn’t really good and so i said hey
would you mind if i do a little bit of
coaching
he said yes i do i have my way of doing
things and you
have yours and i don’t want to learn
yours
we decided not to do the interview now i
consider not being coachable
very dubious and i have to ask you
if you’re hiring somebody for your firm
whether it’s an employer or a contractor
why would you want to hire somebody who
doesn’t want to listen to the board
doesn’t want to listen to the executive
staff doesn’t want to listen to any
other employees
doesn’t want to listen to outside
experts and doesn’t want to listen to
your customers
because they know how to do things you
don’t
so the framework has
three pillars and i’ve talked about this
composition
what i think about when i think about
the credibility framework
are the gray areas and one of the gray
areas is the bimodal construct of
credible versus dubious
we need a pattern interrupt
it’s not as simple as credible versus
dubious black or white
red or blue right or wrong heaven or
hell
credible people can and do step into
dubiousness
it’s important to catch ourselves and to
surround ourselves with accountability
partners that could let us know
many people on the dubious side of the
river are there because they don’t know
better
that is what they were taught that is
what they know and it works for them so
they keep on doing it
we need to teach people credibility
we need to teach people dubious and
encourage
credible we need to show people the path
to move from the credible side of the
river
from the dubious side of the river to
the credible side
we need to do this now we can’t wait we
need to educate and you could start
educating yourself first before you
start educating others
and you could do that by thinking about
the top three
things you can do to be credible versus
dubious
the top three things you could do to be
a better human
sprinkle some cred dust show up when you
show up
and be open to coaching
the message is simple and it’s hard to
ignore
if we teach people to be dubious they’ll
be dubious
if we teach people to be credible they
can be credible
i believe that we could make this a much
more humane planet
for this generation in the next and i
want you to join me
we all deserve our humanity let’s
teach each other on what is credible and
what is dubious
credibility is a conscious choice
credibility is more than a word
credibility
is a way of living credibility is the
blueprint to bring back
our humanity
i am vulnerable i have integrity i am
authentic and i am trustworthy
i have the intent and commitment to do
the right thing
i am coachable i share the stage
and i treat others with respect
i am credible
i am a humane human
what are you
thank you very much