Finding the Funny in the Crummy
thank you guys for coming
dear
[Applause]
for a long time i carried a secret
my childhood was filled with rage and
violence
home for me was not the safest place to
be
what becomes of someone when they grow
up in a
discouraging and disturbing and
dysfunctional environment
i became a comic and a humorist
i have learned to see the world through
the lens of humor
my failures my childhood my waistline
and today i want to share why and how
you should develop your own
humor lens
the great fall i fell down a flight of
steps similar to these
at work all the way down
and i was so humiliated until i got on
the elevator
and a woman who was helping me twist my
skirt back around
change my perspective with just one
question
she asked me but did you chip your teeth
she had chipped her teeth in a great
fall and in that moment we laughed
but more importantly we connected by
sharing her great fall
i felt better about mine the healing
power of humor is much stronger than we
think
and when i speak of humor it’s about us
relating
human to human it’s not bitter or
self-serving or exploitive
this type of humor is called connective
humor okay i made up the phrase
connective humor
but that’s why i’m calling it
one of my favorite studies is about 50
returning
pows from vietnam and although they were
subjected to
horrific conditions and abuse they
suffered from almost
no mental illness and one of the reasons
the researchers found
was connecting through humor when they
asked the soldiers about the experience
one soldier said at first i didn’t think
it was very funny
[Laughter]
but later he said but eventually i
thought the group was really funny
we talked about how the group was able
to stay connected
and feel a sense of control through
humor
when they asked about the type of humor
in a vietnamese prison camp
one gentleman said you just had to be
there
and you do have to be there because it’s
about us
relating to one another about an
experience that doesn’t always go
according to plan so the pow’s sanity
was saved
by connecting through humor but how
important
is connecting for us i will tell you
a cigna study showed that the lack of
connection
is the equivalent of smoking 15
cigarettes a day
that’s the health risk when we’re lonely
it’s our mind’s way of saying i need to
connect
and there are so many ways for us to
connect but are we really connecting
social media often portrays people on
their very
best days
[Laughter]
and perfection is a repellent it’s
vulnerability
that draws us together we connect
because we can relate
so even though i’m happy for you that
you ran another marathon
i can’t relate because i don’t even like
to drive 26 miles
[Laughter]
i connect to the people that are still
trying to figure out zoom
their washing machines are overflowing
or 1980s senior portraits
because i can relate to them so when you
share something real
about your life it makes me feel better
about my life but what about trauma
what’s the role of humor if it’s cancer
or death but there was a laughter study
in breast cancer patients
and that study referenced 32 other
studies and there were lots of charts
and graphs
and numbers and statistics but the net
net was
that the laughter therapy reduce stress
anxiety and depression and breast cancer
patients
i asked my friend beth about this she’s
a breast cancer survivor
and she said keeping her sense of humor
helped her
but it also helped the people around her
because we don’t know what to say
in tough moments and seeing the funny
and the not so funny makes the situation
less
scary so when we laugh
at i’m sorry your boobs tried to kill
you breast cancer mom
even though it’s slightly inappropriate
it’s still taking us
out of the pain and the grief long
enough
for us to feel hope i asked beth about
her funniest stories of breast cancer
and she told me
the funniest is her dad calling her and
asking her about her
autopsy on the day of her biopsy
developing your own humor lens is like
building muscle
but it’s more fun because you don’t have
to go to the gym
step one find five funnies a day
look for the anomalies the ironic and
the ridiculous
these are five of mine my oldest
daughter was asking for a mammogram
but what she wanted was a monogram
[Laughter]
this obgyn is offering curbside visits
[Laughter]
i don’t know what that means but it made
me laugh just thinking about it
move a little further
i burned dinner i didn’t over bake it i
actually caught the box of pasta on fire
[Laughter]
here comes karen with her essential oils
my favorite coronavirus meme
and last that’s my dog oliver trying to
hide
it could be a funny line from a book or
from a movie it doesn’t matter where you
find it just find five a day
and after you’ve done this for a week
you’ll be able to find five before you
leave for work in the morning
next step write it down studies show
just writing down your worst moment is
going to make you feel better
but i’m adding some additional steps
leave it for 30 days and then go back
and revisit your entries and look for
the humor and the entries
this is why women have more than one
child
even a 48-hour delivery with no drugs
invariably becomes a really funny story
repeat as necessary if your spouse just
left you
or you’ve been fired it’s going to take
more than 30 days
i know this from personal experience
but eventually we can find something
funny
in almost every situation
the last step is to share it not with
everyone
and not everything but by allowing
yourself to see the humor
in your own life you’re saying i’ve had
my fair share of failures
and suffering and you are allowed to
have yours
and together we’re going to get through
this
i couldn’t source who said someday this
will be funny
but it was probably eve in the garden of
eden
[Laughter]
but i want to leave you with this
imagine if you could attract
more of the right people into your life
and strengthen your relationships
or if you could let go of your past
mistakes
all the guilt and all the shame
or imagine an illness or a painful
childhood
or a 48-hour labor with no drugs
could lose some of its sting for you or
for others
when you see the world through the lens
of humor
the someday this could be funny could be
today
thank you
thank you thank you so much
are there any questions is ted
on next