The Other Side of Bias
have you ever had a good for you moment
you’re probably wondering what a good
for you moment is
i remember a time i was sitting in a
hotel lobby finishing up a conference
call
i was in a little nook in the corner so
i wouldn’t disturb anyone
but two women came over and sat with me
and continued their conversation
i am for my colleagues on the phone that
i wouldn’t be able to make our next call
because i had to teach
at the time that it was scheduled and
then i said my goodbyes
when i hung up one of the women sitting
near me smiled and asked
are you an elementary school teacher i
smiled back and i said
i’m a professor the other woman
then asked like at a university
when i responded yes the first woman
replied
good for you and they returned to their
conversation
at that moment i wondered what just
happened
what did i say that have produced such a
reaction
and reflecting upon that and related
situations
i question why some people respond to
our accomplishments or our good fortune
with excitement while others respond
more dismissively
more importantly i wonder what can we do
to create more authentic
communal and celebratory moments in our
interactions with others
now whether we acknowledge it or not we
all make assumptions
we may not realize that we do but it’s
our way of dealing with
all of the pieces of information that
come our way on a daily basis
we use assumptions as mental shortcuts
to process an event a situation or a
decision
they help us to make sense of our
environments and understand how to react
but what is more fascinating is how
these shortcuts work
our assumptions are formed by our prior
experiences when we encounter a
situation that is
unfamiliar or ambiguous like this one
we attempt to fill in the blanks we take
cues from our surroundings
and match them to our past encounters to
determine our responses to the situation
based on our prior experiences we also
learn what to expect under certain
circumstances
and come to rely on our intuition when
we find ourselves in similar situations
as long as events are consistent with
our expectations
we basically remain on autopilot and
navigate through the world with an
effortless attention
for example look at these words
at the count of three let’s say out loud
the colors of the following lines of
text
as fast as we can ready
one two three blue green brown yellow
red
but what happens when things aren’t as
we expect
now look at these words at the count of
three let’s again
say out loud the colors of the following
lines of text as fast as we can
one two three
yellow red brown blue green
not so easy right we believe that as
humans we are
rational and logical and unbiased
however research shows that
approximately 98 of our day-to-day
thinking relies on mental shortcuts
and is quick routine reactive and driven
by our instincts
this means that if we happen to
encounter information that is contrary
to our expectations
we don’t know how to process that
information
of course if we’re talking about the
relationships between words and colors
this may not seem like much of an issue
but how does this
influence relationships between people
when dealing with people one of our
mental shortcuts is to categorize
ourselves
and others into social groups for
example
i’m a woman i’m from philadelphia
i’m an alumna of the university of
delaware
we tend to create our social identities
by associating ourselves
with those whom we perceive to have
similarities
what this means is that i’m likely to
try to establish a connection
with other women philly jones
and blue hens this categorization and
association process helps to
locate ourselves in the environment and
gives ourselves
information about how we relate to
others around us and then the process
makes us feel good about who we are
but what happens when we encounter
someone we don’t know
or for whom we don’t have information
our shortcuts activate similar to what
we did when showing that beautiful yet
obscure landscape picture
we rely on context cues and our past
experiences to attempt to fill in the
blanks
for example if i see someone walking
down the street
with the dog it may be natural to assume
that that person is the dog’s owner
or if i’m at a hospital and i see
someone in a laboratory coat
it may be intuitive to assume that
person is a lab technician
or if two women over here a youthful
looking african-american woman on the
phone
say that she has to teach it may be
instinctive to assume that she’s an
elementary school teacher
although such judgments are quick
routine and reactive
we honestly believe that we have used
sound and impartial logic
combined with our experience to
thoughtfully analyze the available
information
and make an informed decision which is
why we’re
surprised when we encounter information
that runs contrary to our expectations
such information disrupts our world view
and
unsettles that good feeling that comes
from knowing how the world works
and that what we believe is true
so if we find out that that person
walking down the street with a dog
is actually a professional dog walker
or that person in the lab coat just
happens to be a doctor
or that youthful looking
african-american woman
is a university professor it alerts us
that
we may not know as much as we thought we
did
and that produces a feeling of mental
discomfort
in that moment we don’t know how to deal
with the situation
or resolve that feeling of uneasiness
except to respond with
good for you and then move on
but to be honest it’s that move on with
which i struggle
because while it may be the easiest or
the most comfortable response
i wonder if it’s the best response i
find myself wondering what can we or
more specifically what can i do to
connect more positively and
authentically with others
at a basic level we need to establish
connections
well there’s so many things that make us
different
there are just as many things that make
us the same
therefore we can relate to others by
sharing information about ourselves and
attempting to
find a point of common ground for
example i may introduce myself
by telling you about my hobbies or my
pastimes
which by the way include listening to
podcasts
running and why
we can also ensure that those
connections are real and genuine rather
than falling back on our assumptions and
mental shortcuts about others
we should invite people to tell us who
they are
in doing so we start to see people as
individuals
rather than as members of the category
we also identify and focus on our
similarities and shared interests
rather than our differences now
if others tell us something we don’t
expect to hear
we have to be willing to incorporate
this information into our belief system
and change our assumptions it’s okay if
we don’t know something
or rely on our mental shortcuts as long
as we’re open to
revising our expectations when presented
with new or
inconsistent information there is so
much diversity in the world
even within social groups that it’s
unlikely that our shortcuts will hold
true for everyone and in every situation
therefore people in situations that
diverge from our prior experience
are actually opportunities to learn and
to grow and
expand our world view
now i’m going to warn you that it may
feel uncomfortable
but that discomfort is what moves us
towards becoming
better people so when we meet someone
that challenges our way of thinking
we can now pause to realize what a
wonderful opportunity
we’ve been given to experience someone
who’s unique and distinctive
and who broadens our network as well as
our perspective
and we can celebrate that encounter as
neither
good for you nor good for me
but actually is good for us
thank you