How Protecting Our Joy Can Save Live
[Music]
it is december 25th
1991 a time when the entire western
world is celebrating christmas
yet on the other side of the world the
site that i
live on in country of georgia we’re in
the middle of the civil war
and the fall of the soviet union that
christmas day
would be the last day the soviet flag
would fly over the kremlin in moscow
so representatives from the soviet
republics had already announced that
they would no longer be a part of the
soviet union
i will never forget that day i am in the
kitchen with my mother
she is making dinner the aroma of her
cooking
tempting me to remain in the kitchen
until the dinner got done
i stared at her with adoration and
observed her serene demeanor
as she smiled at me in between chopping
her salad
all of the sudden i can hear the bums
going off outside is they were right
over our roof
i am shaking and at only 11 years old
i am utterly and completely scared
when the electricity clicks off and
everything goes dark
i start to cry i immediately jump from
where i’m sitting
into my mother’s arms i wanted her to
protect me
so how would you feel in this situation
where would you hide
i refused to die i have so many dreams
yet to accomplish
finish school get married have children
but at that time
i believed that the end of the world had
come and we were going to die
even though my eyes were open i couldn’t
see
anything all around me was complete
darkness
after that the light fell dark too
with no more access to the propane gas
we didn’t have a heat our water got
turned off
and we couldn’t find a clean water to
drink anywhere
my dad had a very high paid prestigious
job
and before the war we’d lived a very
good life
now i’d gone from eating the caviar to a
moldy bread
and that if we could find food so every
other day we would wake up at 2 a.m
to get in line for bread some days we
will stay in the breadline for four to
five hours
and every other day we would receive
only one small quarter of bread
for four of us if they ran out of the
bread before we got into the front
of the line we were out of luck
so i felt despair and so did everybody
else around us
as people said goodbye to each other
leaving home as if they were never
coming back war had brought despair
tragedy and devastation i thought back
only a year before when my friends and i
would play the war games
digging the shackles and choosing to
fight for the good commander
now here we were facing the actual war
it was nothing like our games because in
this war
people died for real and no matter how
hard my little girl’s brain
and heart wanting things to be different
nothing
nothing could bring these people back to
life
and when i realized my powerlessness my
helplessness
that i could not prevent the pain i
could not stop the suffering
i could not save a single soul that’s
when the life stopped existing for me
and as the work continued anyone who was
not
born in georgia was forced to leave and
go
back to where they’ve been born so my
family
faced this fear because my mom who was
born in ukraine
was given the choice to either leave the
country with my sister
with me or live without
any kids at all i could not
imagine any worse nightmare for my mom
to face this tragic choice
and for me to be forcibly separated from
my own
mother i could live without bread
i could survive without food i could
grow without education
but i could not imagine saying goodbye
to my mom
what would our last hug and kiss feel
like
what would i say so instead of making
this choice my mom dyed her hair
dark to resemble the other local
citizens
and our family went into the hiding when
the war began to normalize
one of the last clear memories that i
have is going back to school
and sitting in a cold classroom with no
heat
electricity doors or windows i could
hear my stomach grinding
i was starving yet i knew something was
keeping my little girl spirit alive
but what it’s been 29 years since i was
a little girl
growing up in the middle of the war in
the soviet union
now i am an adult and being an adult
comes with a new pressure and
responsibilities
many of us dream to make a difference in
the world or to create something of
value
something real something significant and
necessary
everyone has the right to dream and
idealize these dreams
but how do we achieve such greatness
when oftentimes our dreams aren’t even
clear to ourselves
do we just sit there and hope that the
dreams
will fall into our laps i believe in
dreaming
and in searching for the big grand goals
but it’s necessary to make an effort
have a strong desire
and take actions to bring our dreams
into reality
because for me allowing myself to dream
gave me the hope that i could feel joy
again joy that would not depend
on any external circumstances
when i was 11 years old and the entire
external world collapsed around me
there was only one thing that saved me
from my pain
my suffering my fear and made me
victorious
in times of total devastation and loss
and that was
my joy what i discovered is a joy
is a gift we need to protect
when we find a strength to overcome
insurmountable obstacles
and do more than just survive during
these dark times in our lives
when we push through no matter how hard
it may be
we crack something open inside of
ourselves
where joy can come in it is a feeling
that we produce
because we work so hard for it and
that’s why
it is a gift it is a gift that we give
to
ourselves when our lives are going well
it’s easy to become lazy and not to
dream
and have goals and seek joy through
material things
when we do we get disappointed and
dissatisfied
which can lead to us becoming unkind
unproductive
wasting our time money and talents and
this collapses joy
so how do we connect to joy so we can
feel it in our own lives
number one true joy is formed in the
midst of our toughest challenges
the minute the life feels tough that’s
when we begin our journey
to rekindle a spark that has always been
there
growing up in the midst of the war was
the hardest time of my life
yet it was exactly those hardships
when i had no food stability knowledge
if i
even live that led me to discover the
importance of
joy but actually even before the war
i’ve been giving the gift of dreaming
and hope
by my great grandfather who survived the
massacre
during the armenian genocide of ottoman
empire in
world war one he did not allow the pain
suffering and guilt that he had
experienced to be part of his generation
as he grew up so because of this
when the world began i had the tools
to hold on into my great-grandfather’s
life’s message
number two joy begins with the hope
during those hard times
in the world i felt devastated and i
wanted to crumble
but by allowing myself to dream of the
brighter
and different future the future that did
not
include the war famine or death
suddenly hope appeared so be flexible
and open to how joy comes in you may be
surprised
and finally number three perseverance
it was only my decision and perseverance
during hard times that propelled myself
toward
because too often we give up before joy
has a chance to come in i remember one
day sitting in my classroom
i was tired and so hungry
i couldn’t concentrate and i felt like i
was going to pass out
but i told myself just make it through
the next
hour ilona and i did
if we take that one more step or action
beyond what we believe we are capable of
then
strength appears and suddenly we are
propelled toward again
because joy is not an idea it’s not a
persuasion or decision
then what is it to understand what
protecting our joy
looks like we also need to understand
what not protecting joy looks like
one we start seeking our answers in
material things
that disappoint and dissatisfy us
two we neglect and miss out into
possibility
to experience the exuberant details
in this world three we deny
our identity and conform to the
standards of this world
we become rude unkind and productive
and become a poor steward of our time
money and talents so again
what does protecting our journal look
like
protecting our joy is like protecting
our freedom
because joy is a conscious decision that
we make to nurture it
and embrace it protecting inner joy
begins at the moment that you choose not
to let
another person or circumstances
or events to control you anymore
so what i found out through my
experience is that often that we search
for our identity
our spark and our flame in the things
that the world
has to offer to us things that are easy
to break
lose damage or steal because our
joy comes from within it is an
internal process so what does real
joy look like
joys in our lives we do not experience
it
we have a power to rise up and defend it
joy is not based on circumstances such a
high paid job
nice car title and a position in society
because
joy is the oxygen that we need to strive
and carry on with our lives because
protecting our joy
means not to let another opinion create
your identity i have fought
survived and conquered many battles in
my life
because i use the joy as my guiding
source
and to meditate my relationships
my dad didn’t want me when he found out
that his firstborn
was a girl i was rejected by my
grandparents
because i didn’t look like them i got
called ugly by my relatives i was turned
out from the georgian universities
because of my russian last name
i got denied a scholarship even though i
passed all the exams
to qualify for it
i became an outcast due to the political
discrepancy
between georgia and russia at that
moment
i was another reject but
by using the joy as the tool to move
through these hurdles i shifted my
relationships
my dad and i have a loving close
relationship
and he sees my values my grandparents
accepted me and loved me i
entered the beauty pageant and won the
people’s winners
title and i became the only one from my
country
to study abroad with the full
scholarship
so where i am today is because the i
learn how to protect
and cultivate my joy that is the
only reason i made it through
because to me the true joy definition is
the
joy is the presence of the divine
assurance
and the extraordinary strength that we
always
have inside of us joy is something that
i have centered my entire life
around because i say to myself the power
of who i am we do have something greater
that this world has to offer to us
it’s something accessible and we all
have it we just have to reach inside of
ourselves
and grab it