Why Rejection is a Good Thing
all right how many of y’all
have ever played basketball
okay how many y’all at least know what
basketball is
okay okay now one thing that you need to
know about me
is i don’t play nobody sports all right
honestly the only thing that dribbles in
my life is the mcdonald’s ice cream cone
dribbling down my face all right
but i want to tell you about a time
about how basketball
caused one of the greatest joys in my
life and the biggest pains in my life
uh so this might come to a surprise to
some of you all but before i went to
college i was quiet
i was shy i was scared to open up
but during my freshman orientation i had
a staff member approach me
and say justin i think you would make a
great orientation counselor
you should apply next year and my
reaction
girl bye what about quiet
shy afraid to open up do you not
understand
but fast forward a year later i apply to
be an orientation counselor
and i get that thing okay i get it
so my first year of orientation it
caused me to open up
uh i matured um everybody on campus knew
who i was
and i wanted more so when year two came
around
um i i applied again i crushed that
thing
uh and i came on and went on to have a
very successful
second year orientation so much so uh
that
at our end of the year banquet my team
voted little old me
most dedicated okay blue uh
i truly felt like beyonce i was on top
of the world now this section over here
is like man what this have to do with
basketball
you just stay with me okay stay with me
uh so when three year three came around
i decided that i wanted to apply to be
the highest position
on the orientation team and that was
student coordinator
uh and every year they only offer it to
two students
and by all means i’m beyonce so who
about to say no to me
okay so i applied i crush it
and so now i’m just waiting for my yes
uh so about a week later
i get an email and it says student
coordinator
position this is my grammy moment
so i’ll open up the email oh here we go
the adjustment all right they know who i
am uh thank you so much for interviewing
with us
but there’s that word but
we are unable to offer you the student
coordinator position
okay refresh refresh refresh this is
wrong you’re not gonna hire beyonce
beyonce so i immediately need answers
so i storm into the office of our
director of orientation
he sits me down and we start to have a
conversation he is telling me the vision
and the goals of the new orientation
team
and i’m like blah blah blah blah blah so
i put in
and i tell him i say you know
it’s the last few seconds of a
basketball game
you’re down by one why wouldn’t you put
in your best shooter
boot guy got him he sits back
and he says justin i’m gonna put in my
best shooter
that can run the play
what what now listen we do not want to
hear nose
when we are applying to our dream school
we want to hear yes
when we’re applying to a job we want to
hear yes when we are going down
to the target and we put our debit card
in that machine and they say approved
we uh won’t we that’s got to be a guess
but this
no wasn’t just any number for the first
time
in two years i had to go back home
i had to go back home and you know face
some things that i was not willing to
face i told myself after i graduated i
would never go back
but that was for another ted talk all
right
so i would go on and i recuperate i
would go and i would
join a fraternity i would be a ra i
would even graduate
with my master’s degree in higher
education from western carolina
university
i essentially was trying to prove to
myself that i
could run the play now ten years later i
would get the opportunity to prove that
i could run the play
so a position opened up in my alma mater
for assistant director of orientation
uh this was this would be my dream job i
would get the opportunity
to supervise the orientation team that i
once was a part of
and guess who was a part of my interview
my old director
so we’re sitting in a car we’re sitting
in a meeting where he’s sitting at my
the portion of his interview
with me and i sit him down and i say 10
years ago
you told me that you were looking for
the the best shooter
that can run the play here i am wiser
i’m more experienced and now i know
i’m the best shooter that can run the
play
boom got him i walked out of that
interview knowing that that was my job
everybody in my life was saying man you
got this job this is your
job so i waited another week
waiting on wait wait and i’m waiting i
get an email
it says assistant director position
y’all this is my real great moment i’m
about to walk out with six of these
things all right
uh so open up the email dear justin
they still know dear justin thank you so
much
for interviewing with us
but okay we are unable
to offer you the position of assistant
director
i closed my laptop but before i did that
i
deleted the email i closed my laptop
i fall on the floor in tears
and then i called my mom hashtag mama’s
boy
and as my mama is trying to comfort me
the only thing that i hear in my head is
i’m a failure i’m not worthy
and i can’t run and i can’t run the play
it never crossed my mind that i wouldn’t
get this job
i would get this job i would go on and i
would continue a successful career in
higher education
it never it never came across my mind
that it would be a no
and for years i was trying to prove to
myself that i could run this play
so and for weeks i stayed in that
mindset of
i’m a failure i’m not worthy
and i can’t run the play so like most
things in my life
i get lost in music and uh on this
particular day
i was listening to my other queen joe
joe you know lee yeah
that jumped up and she has a song called
billions
uh and in that song she has a lyric that
says
i’ve heard too many yeses to die about
another
why have i not noticed the power of this
lyric before
so i started to dice deconstruct this
lyric
because the reality is if it wasn’t for
this no
and every no i heard before and after it
it wouldn’t have led to some of my
greatest yeses
so essentially i was trying to
constantly prove to myself that i could
run the play
but i was running a play that was never
drawn for me
so um
i wasn’t supposed to be a student
coordinator
in 2010 because i was supposed to go on
and go home and start the reconciliation
process with my dad
i wasn’t supposed to be a student
coordinator in 2010 because i was
supposed to lead
a community of 42 future teachers and
meet some of my best friends along the
way
i wasn’t supposed to be an assistant
director of orientation
because i was supposed to stay at the
university of north texas
and lead a beautiful group of student
leaders
through our orientation experience and
even along the way be a source of
comfort
for a few of them who are starting their
journey and coming out of the closet
i wasn’t supposed to just recently
wasn’t supposed to be a part of the
orientation team
at the new school uh because i was i
would have i wouldn’t have gotten the
chance to stand here in front of you
today
to give a ted talk about rejection so
whatever it is that you’ve been rejected
from
the door has been closing your face have
you been told no i hope that your i’m a
failure
morphs into your greatest triumph i hope
that your i’m not worthy becomes you
knowing your full work i hope that i
can’t run the play
finds you finding the play that is
written just for you
and as the great poet nene leakes from
the real housewives of atlanta once said
success is in my dna when one door
closes
another one thank y’all so much