How to be your best self in times of crisis Susan David
my name’s Chris Anderson I’m the guy
lucky enough to run the head
organization it’s a treat to be here
with you thank you so much for taking
time to come and be part of this this is
new for Ted this is you know we’re known
for TED Talks
here we’re going to spend an hour in
conversation with some of the world’s
wisest people because this is a moment
when we need that wisdom more than ever
though we’re facing the pandemic that
we’ve warned about you know these are
extraordinary times times we’ll remember
for the rest of our lives I suspect and
it’s not like you know the battle is
just the external battle the battle
against the virus the decisions that our
leaders make there’s this other battle
as well that is probably equally as
consequential the battle that’s going on
right inside our minds I mean if you’re
anything like me you’ve had heard this
real rollercoaster of emotions the last
few days weeks this is scary this is
different this is alarming you know we
don’t know what to what to make of it a
lot of us and the decisions we make
collectively I think is going to be
hugely consequential on one scenario
there’s a chance that we can use this
moment to build community to build bonds
with each other to get to know each
other in different ways to spend time
with people we haven’t spent time with
to look for the best in each other and
on another scenario our fear and anger
will drive us apart I’d like to
introduce the questioner in chief my
wonderful colleague be Ted’s current
affairs curator Whitney Pennington
Rodgers thanks so much Chris and hello
to everyone joining us all around the
world Chris we’ll be back later to take
part in this conversation he will come
with some of your questions and so on to
our guests you know as Chris mentioned
there’s so
happening in the media so much
conversation around the coronavirus and
oftentimes it’s focused on the things
that our government officials are doing
the decisions that they’re making so
what’s happening to our lives physically
what are some of the changes that we’re
experiencing as far as working remotely
social distancing but what often is
overlooked is the social and the
emotional toll that this is all taking
on of all of us which is a really
critically important and a very real
part of how we’re all experiencing this
pandemic and so we’re we’re really
thrilled to be joined today by renowned
author and harvard medical school
psychologist susan david she gave a
hugely popular TED talk about emotional
courage and the impact that
understanding your emotions can have on
your lives on our lives and so we’re
excited to chat with her about how we
can approach this as we’re experiencing
this pandemic in this moment thank you
for inviting me to the conversation I’m
delighted to be part of it I really
appreciate it thank you so much for
being here with us today so we’re we’re
again excited to have you and I I guess
first and foremost how are you doing how
are you holding up well I think like
everyone we’re doing the best we can
given the circumstances my husband is a
physician at MGH and it’s really a stark
reality when one week you saying you
know can you pick up groceries in the
next week you exchanging emergency
contact information if something were to
go wrong so you know we’re all living
this reality and I think trying to find
the inner resources to do that in the
best way we can is just a profound
importance right now but thank you yeah
no definitely I’m glad to hear that
you’re you’re managing and hanging in
there your work is is so focused around
how we can best prepare ourselves
emotionally and psychologically for
these moments of change and complexity
and you have this really beautiful
saying about life’s beauty is
inseparable from its fragility what does
that mean and how does that apply to the
the current moment we’re all experienced
well I think we all know this internally
at some level that there is this complex
an intimate beautiful relationship
between the beauty of life and the
fragility of life we love and then we
lose we are healthy until we are ill we
enjoy in which we need it until those
jobs are no longer we might you know
roll our eyes and yell at our kids and
ask them to tidy their rooms and then
one day there’s silence where their
child once was they’re now making their
way in the world and so there’s this
complex interplay between the beauty and
the fragility of life that just is what
makes the wholeness of life and it’s so
often in our narratives in society we
talk about you know focusing on success
and being positive all the time and
goal-setting and you know there’s this
whole even even our avoidance that we
have really I think at a very broad
level in society our voidance of talking
about what is the most common feature
that all of us or common experience that
all of us will go through which is to
die and yet so much of our society is
constructed around preventing avoidance
denial of this reality and you know the
circumstance that we in now is not
something that we asked for
but life is calling on every single one
of us to move into the place of wisdom
in ourselves beyond the thinking judgey
county mind into the space of wisdom and
and fortitude and solidarity community
courage and it’s a calling for all of us
right now that I think is just so imaged
in what is in our absolute and our
reality the fragility of life right now
thank you for that and I mean and I
think that for a lot of us when we’re
thinking about how our lives have
changed you know and we are approaching
this idea of happiness so many of the
things that at one point really did
bring us a lot of joy being able to go
out with friends and socialize and spend
physical time with loved ones so many of
those things have changed
but you know I guess in
moment how do you advise that we
cultivate happiness and enjoy with all
everything that’s going on well so just
to be clear firstly I’m not anti
happiness which you’ll understand why
I’m saying this as I progressed I think
though that often again we have this
narrative in society that is about be
happy and be positive and whilst that
may sound like it’s the right thing and
it sounds like that is the thing that we
should all be saying you know just keep
positive or you know when people are
experiencing cancer they’re told to just
be positive or when people are being
marginalized or discriminated against
just stop being so angry you know we
have in our society this um almost
judgment that happiness and joy are the
most important emotional experiences
that we can have and on the other hands
are so called bad or negative emotions
are frustration anxiety grief loss fear
sadness and so what we do is we often
become very comfortable with happiness
and we become uncomfortable with those
difficult emotions and we push them
aside but I think what store often
happens when we try to pursue some idea
of well going out was what made me happy
or I can’t go clubbing this weekend and
now I can’t be happy is what we’re doing
is we’re basically establishing the
anchor point of happiness around
expectations or goals and what we know
actually when we look at the scientific
literature is that when we overly
strongly focus on happiness as a goal we
actually become less happier over time
and it’s this really interesting paradox
because that’s we almost seeking
something as opposed to just living our
lives in a way that is I’m passionate
and accepting what I would say is that
rather than trying to find happiness I
think now for all of us is actually a
space for us to come into ourselves to
come into our emotions to not try to
brush away the grief or the loneliness
or the anxiety but to our
face into that one of those stories that
I spoke about in my TED talk which has
really stuck with me my whole life was
when I was about five years old I became
absolutely aware of the fact that I was
gonna die one day and this is very
normal around the age of five or six
years old children become aware of their
own mortality and I became aware of the
fact that I was going to die and if my
parents weren’t going to be around
forever and I would find my way into my
parents bed at night you know squeezing
between the two of them and I would say
to my father and my mother
you know promise me that you won’t die I
must me you won’t die and I was five and
I was desperate and my father was so
profoundly beautiful in the way he told
me during those nights he didn’t try to
build some false narrative oh just be
positive I’m gonna be around don’t worry
about me everything’s fine
he didn’t try to build some false
narrative between me and reality what he
said to me is dizzy it’s normal to be
scared we all die and it’s normal to be
scared and what we need to do is we need
to not try to away with fear but rather
to reach inside ourselves and to find
the courage and I think there is a
message for our times which is not to
try rush aside or belittle or judge
yourself if you experiencing difficult
emotions this is a tough time but rather
we can use strategies to enable us to be
with those emotions in healthy ways
which is the whole foundational
experience of what I call emotional
agility this is ultimately what will
enable us to bring the best of ourselves
forward in every aspect of how we love
and how we lead in these times we parent
and how we come to ourselves and I think
that that’s exactly what we’d love to
hear more about is this emotional
agility that you just referenced maybe
just first start there what is the most
agility what are the the main tenets of
this philosophy well the first part of
emotional agility which is really
critical is moving away from I think
what so many of us have I did some
research where I was asking people you
know when you have difficulty emotional
experiences what do you tend to do with
them and I did surveys of around 70,000
people and what I found is that a large
majority of us maybe you know driven by
this narrative of I’ve got to be happy
and positive all the time
what we tend to do when we have these
difficult emotional experiences is we do
we judge them we’ve been little then we
push them aside or we get stuck in them
so the language that I use is we often
bottle our emotions we rationalize them
and we push them aside or we brood on
them and we get stuck in them and what
emotional agility is and I can talk
about this you know in terms of its
principles but also its strategies in
more detail but really what emotional
agility is it’s the ability to be with
ourselves our full selves our full
emotional experience in ways that are
compassionate because the Syst of and
these emotions are real so we need to be
compassionate with ourselves and others
we need to be curious you know what is
my frustration telling me about what’s
important to me what is my guilt telling
me when I’m interacting with my children
right now what is they telling me about
what’s important there are so many
millions of people who are jobless or
disenfranchised or in situations of
profound difficulty right now and I’ve
got anger towards that what is my anger
tell me about what I value so if we can
move into a space where instead of
pushing aside these signposts that our
emotions give us and instead move into a
space where we are passionate with them
where we curious with them and where we
start saying how can I even in the midst
of fear I don’t need to do away with my
fear the fear just is it’s my body it’s
my mind it’s my emotions doing their job
our emotions have evolved to help us
and so when we feel fear that’s our
emotion trying to help us so the
important thing here is not to do away
with it but also not to get stuck in it
so to develop a sense of what our
courageous steps that I can take even in
the midst of a reality that I didn’t
choose and that isn’t of my asking how
can I bring myself forward in a way
that’s courageous and connected so in
brief emotionally is the ability to be
with ourselves in our fullness with
compassion curiosity so that we can live
in ways that our valley is connected
that’s beautiful
and I think that that for me that’s
definitely really meaningful in thinking
about how I’m personally experiencing a
lot of this and I imagine for a lot of
folks and and so I’m curious then in
thinking about emotional agility free
you know pandemic and today what are
some of the differences between how you
might practice that before and how are
you practicing that now what are some of
the the ways practicing emotional
agility has changed well I think the
principles of emotional agility are
actually fundamental principles of
psychological health and wellness
regardless of the context that we end
regardless of whether we stressed in our
job or you know struggling to be with
our children in a way that’s effective
over dinnertime
you know those must have been the
day-to-day realities that we
experiencing and I think that all that’s
really happened is the need for
emotional agility becomes so much more
profound and so much clearer
we also are deciding whether we let that
narrative that is coming through the
media own us whether we’re going to let
our emotions earn us or whether we are
going to exert some kind of empowerment
and connection over these experiences
and whether we going to earn it and you
know what always just comes to mind and
it’s it’s probably you know very oft
used phrase but it really I think is so
profoundly important right now I think
as I’m speaking of that beautiful Viktor
Frankl idea Viktor Frankl who
survived the Nazi death camps who
describes what I think is the most
profoundly powerful human sentiment and
it’s this that between stimulus and
response there is a space and in that
space is our power to choose and it’s in
that choice that lies our growth and
freedom we didn’t choose these
circumstances often what happens is we
get hooked we get into an experience
where there’s no space between stimulus
and response
we either mindlessly you know go ant our
Twitter feeds and we engage with the
news and we catastrophize or we feelin
so stressed out or we avoiding or and so
I think this is really a time of peering
space between stimulus and response we
do that by being open to what we
experiencing by saying what do I need to
do here but being intentional and the
particular strategies are thinking short
answer to your question you know
emotional agility are basically the
skills that are foundational to wellness
within ourselves to being healthy within
ourselves every day what’s happening in
this context is we are needing to bring
those skills with greater courage and
strength to the situation that we face
I’m curious to I guess and if we can
look at some specific issues that people
might be experiencing I think one of the
big ones with social distancing is that
a lot of folks who at one point you know
went to an office are now working at
home they’re working at home get
sleeping at home relaxing at home and so
maybe in talking about that specifically
for some of the ways this might impact
us and then what are some areas that you
think you can apply from emotional
agility to young to this new this new
normal yeah so and very important point
is I think you know when I talk about
having more space to have these
experiences of course that doesn’t mean
we are always alone we might be as I am
I’ve got two young children who are now
home from school and I’m trying to do my
work and I’m trying to look after them
and there’s a lot that’s going on but we
on spending hours commuting you know
most most of us we on spending hour
distracting or avoiding outside of the
house so we’re really starting to think
about how they’re using what I’ve got in
the space in this context right now
don’t you know one of the things that I
think is really profoundly important is
when we think about social distancing I
think a better way for us to all be
thinking about this originally the media
had used this language of social
distancing but actually what we’re
thinking about here is physical
distancing physical distancing we can
still if we are social creatures which
many of us are we still need to be able
to look for meaningful quality
interactions that are really critically
important to us right now
so we know that we can be lonely in a
crowd you know we don’t we don’t we
don’t need when we think about
loneliness loneliness is not just oh I’m
by myself therefore I’m lonely you can
be in a crowd of people and be lonely so
what is it that we think about when we
think about how do you mitigate against
or how do you ameliorate learning us
learning this is actually a function of
whether our our interactions are
meaningful or not so again this idea
that emotions tell us a story behind our
most difficult emotions are signposts to
the things that we care about if you
find yourself feeling lonely as an
example what is that loneliness the
signpost of the loneliness is often the
signpost that you value presence and
connectedness and that you don’t have
enough of it now so that loneliness is
telling you that there’s something that
you value that you need to be moving
more in the direction of and so you can
start asking yourself what are some
small changes that I can make that are
really important to me right now in this
context of loneliness are there people
that I’m reaching out to that I maybe
haven’t spoken to for a few years is
there a way that I you know I have this
really remarkable experience sometimes
where I feel like even when we speaking
to someone we speaking beyond the person
um there’s something beautiful that I do
in one of my exercises that I’ve
actually done in some TED workshops
before where I asked people just to
silently look at another person there’s
this beautiful phrase in South Africa
summer bonnets are greeting that were
born amines I see you and by seeing you
I bring you into being and in the
workshops sometimes what I do is I’ll
stop people and I cue them and I say
Sabha Boehner and all I’m doing is I’m
asking people to look beyond the eyes to
look into the soul and the love and the
light and the hurt in the person that’s
in front of you and I’ve been doing that
with my children you know they don’t
necessarily love it but instead of doing
the quick hug when they at the computer
trying to do their learning each day I’m
starting to say to them you know let’s
just look at each other
it’s just connect with each other let’s
be the person behind the person so I
think that there ways that we can
whether it’s an online meeting with our
colleagues or phoning someone that we
care about or even how we look at a
person there is meaning that brings us
out of loneliness and meaning that
brings us out of social isolation in
ways that are really profound and
beautiful I just wanted to nip in with a
couple of questions from the where out
of people who were watching so I’m
thinking especially I think some people
watching you know literally in a
situation now where they they have spent
days alone and it’s a fearful it’s a
fearful time and so one question is you
know what do you mean when you say reach
inside of us to find courage how do you
actually do that well firstly what we
know is the way fear operates so when
people are feeling fearful or when the
situation is ambiguous as it as it is
right now
usually what we try to do and this is
literally a cognitive reality for us is
that our mind tries to fill in the
blanks so we don’t know the answers and
we
try to fill in the blank so we mat
catastrophize or we might you know
develop huge amounts of anxiety or we go
to our Twitter feed in search of the
answers and often what that does is it
actually provokes the very opposite of
what we need what that provokes is it
often provokes more anxiety more fear
and more you know we talk about viruses
and we talk about physical contagion um
but we also know that people can
experience very real levels of emotional
contagion emotional contagion is when
you in subtle ways pick up on the
emotions of other people because as
human beings again we’ve evolved to pick
up on these cues and so I think you know
when I’m saying reach inside of yourself
when we think about intentionality
intentionality is this idea that rather
than being mindlessly sucked into our
experience which I have been - you know
this is this is a common common human
experience we get sucked into our news
feeds
instead we’re starting to ask ourselves
questions of is this helping me and is
this some alternative way that I can be
engaging so I’ve had lots of people
contact me recently just saying things
that you know I I’ve just taken such joy
in creating a little garden for myself I
have gotten a list of books that I
really wanted to read and I haven’t I’ve
reached out a friend who I haven’t
spoken to for years and where we had
some silly argument about something and
we can’t even remember what that
argument was but I now know that whether
I’m right or wrong doesn’t matter more
than a more important question which is
is my actions serving me is it serving
the person the loved one that the human
being that I must want to be so if we
can start reaching inside ourselves and
saying you know what are ways that I can
if I’m lonely how can I contribute how
can i connect what are ways that I can
come to my experience though that it’s
intentional and its values connected and
also if you feel
and so many of us are also be
compassionate with that this this is
tough we often live our lives as if we
in a never-ending Ironman or an woman
competition you know where we’ve got to
have goals and be healthy and be fit and
be there all these things that we feel
we’ve got to do every single day we’ve
got to be the best leaders we’ve got to
be I think just you know breathing into
the experience is really important there
are other practical things that we can
do in relation to this experience as
well and often we use this language we
say I am lonely I am sad I am angry and
it’s a normal default way that we
describe how we feeling but if we think
about the language of that what we doing
is we are saying I am all of me 100% of
me is the singular experience I am sad
but what are you starting to do when you
use that language is we do it
unintentionally but what we started to
do is we starting to define ourselves by
our emotion we are not our emotion we
own our emotions they don’t own and
define us what we want to do is we want
to show up to our emotions with
compassion and curiosity but we also
don’t want to get stuck in our emotions
though simple strategies that can be
really helpful to people is instead of
saying I am sad label your thoughts your
emotions or your feelings for what they
are they are not back there are thoughts
there are emotions their feelings so you
might say something like I’m noticing
the feeling that I’m said I’m noticing
the urge to shut down the conversation
with my spouse or I’m noticing the urge
to keep going on my social media feed
right now
I’m noticing the thought that things are
never gonna get any better
what you start doing when you this is a
mindfulness technique but what you’re
really doing is you are labeling your
thoughts your emotions your feelings as
thoughts emotions feelings and when you
do this what you start doing is you
create that space that I spoke about
between stimulus and response no longer
are you defined if you are now able to
see them for what they are and then you
can start saying I’m noticing that I’m
feeling sad what is that telling me
about what I care about and how can I
bring more of the thing into my life and
it’s going to be different for different
people are you mentioned there about
contribution and about compassion I
wonder is it the case the two things
first of all how can people help like
practically how can they help others
when we’re all in this isolated world
right now but secondly can that can that
process itself actually help people that
shifting from feeling the pain to act to
the sort of the agency and they’re
reaching out and try to do something for
data can that make a difference yes it’s
such an important question it’s this
thing of sama buona ICU but in seeing
myself I’m able to see others to this
profoundly important way of seeing
others and yes you know finding ways
that you can contribute there are so
many people in pain right now there are
people who are in their houses who
haven’t spoken to another soul for days
there are people who need help with
essential groceries and services they
are chuk keepers who are struggling and
so within our community instead of
spending our time you know trying to get
stucked or or trying to stop ourselves
even from being in the sabor ticks which
I think the so many of us is that
experience is really thinking about what
are practical ways that we can do it and
what is what’s what’s so true for us as
human beings is we often think that in
order to make a contribution we’ve got
to do something huge
it’s got to be grand it’s got to be
massive scale but you know if we think
about the need to belong every single
one of us needs to belong and we know
that we can have one other person’s pain
just by being that persons person today
that might just be a phone call but if
we can reach beyond ourselves that’s
healing for others and it’s healing for
ourselves as well and so this is often
not about these big things it’s often
about what I call tiny tweaks more
values connected actions that we can
take that are committed and and even you
know being at home being physically
distant there’s this courage
there’s courage in doing that I mean
we’re doing it because we know that it’s
the right thing but there’s also courage
in looking inside of ourselves and and
and owning that you’re doing that not
only because you have to but because
that is something that is profoundly
important that you care about others and
I think actually this is also a
conversation to be having with children
right now you know I think you know
often what happens with our kids is we
say well these are the rules
you know this is what we’ve got to do
now but what are we doing we’re really
trying to help our children develop
their own sense of values and character
and so we can start doing this by
showing up to our children’s emotions
how are you feeling instead of kind of
you know say everything’s going to be a
cage I worry about it and try brush over
it our children are feeling what they’re
feeling if we can shut those feelings
with compassion but then also ask our
children you know what are ways that you
think you can bring yourself to your
friends
what are your connections or how always
that you are living right now connected
with who you want to be as a person
these are incredible times for us we
didn’t ask for them but we are
developing our resilience and our
character and the character of those
around us without a doubt so your last
comment about children and how you can
really have conversations with them
about what’s going on you know a lot of
them may be experiencing some of the
same emotions that that we’re all
experiencing but maybe with a little
more confusion because they have less
life experience and so how can we talk
to children if you’re if there are
parents out there about what’s going
out there and how they can deal with
their emotions the most important thing
we know you know spoke about instead of
saying I am said you noticing that you
feeling said another very very important
part of being effective with our
emotions is being granular with our
emotions and what I mean when I say
being granule is often we use very big
labels to describe my emotions you know
people might say I’m stressed dressed
I’m stressed that’s the most common one
that I hear um you know in in my work
and the work that I’m doing in
organizations very often people sound
stressed but there’s a world of
difference between stress and
disappointment or stress and overwhelm
or stress and yeah and what we know
psychologically is when we label our
emotions in a more granular way when we
move beyond the I am stressed into what
is this emotion really then what it does
is it helps us again move into that
space of ourselves and it doesn’t think
really powerful in our brains that
starts helping us to understand what is
the cause of the emotion and what is the
pathway forward so we’re now moving
beyond this are it all feels stress into
this is overwhelm I can do something
with overwhelm I can create pockets of
control okay if my stress is lonely I
can look for opportunities to each other
so emotion granularity is really
important when it comes to children the
same applies we often as parents with
really really good intentions want to
just jump in and say you know the child
says mommy I’m worried you know don’t
worry it’ll be okay and again I take
that lesson of my father you know it’s
normal to be scared what we know for our
children is simply showing up to them
simply being them and holding space for
them to feel what they feel is probably
the most important way that children can
develop a sense of
security in the context of chaos so
that’s the showing apart the second part
is again we are wanting children to feel
that their emotions don’t own them when
we set a kid’s like I don’t worry
everything will be okay or just be happy
what are we teaching we teaching that
some emotions are good and some emotions
are bad and that the bad ones should be
done away with and so when we do that
very often children don’t get practice
with feeling what a difficult emotion
feels like and better don’t then develop
the the the strength and the capacity
the psychological resource that that
builds the winner child is feeling what
they’re feeling that’s what they’re
feeling if we can show up to that with
compassion that in of itself is probably
the most powerful thing then another
thing that we can do is we can start
helping their child to label their
emotions
we know that children as young as 2 or 3
years old are able to start
differentiating between angry versus
said I feel rejected or I feel it’s
unfair okay so so children are starting
to develop this language and when our
children are going through difficulties
we can help them to do that like is it
that you feeling you know stressed here
or is it that you scared are you lonely
are you you know what is it that’s going
on for you sir helping our children to
step out of their emotions so that those
emotions are data but they’re not
directives they’re data they’re telling
us what we need but they’re not calling
the shots and then we can start helping
our children to say so what is it that
you need right now you know do you need
us to organize a facebook conversation
with a friend but at the end of the day
all of us every single person listening
every single person who will be
listening every one of us is doing the
best we can with who we are with what
we’ve got and with the resources that we
have available to us
the most important thing that we can do
with ourselves and it will then be role
models to our children is to be
compassionate with yourself
and that moves us into the space instead
of of judgment and not enough and never
enough into the space of being and
resilience and grace and dignity some
people are asking almost not so much
about you know fear and depression but
about just just focus like people who
have had their academic life their year
has been disrupted what can I do to find
any focus and to pay attention to yeah I
mean life is right now
conspiring conspiring against any kind
of focus and at the same time you know
we’ve almost got all of us as a science
society like a forced amount a forced
time of needing to read galvanize
ourselves and so I think for every
person first do you recognizing what are
some of the things that you are doing
that are unintentionally sucking
literally sucking the life out of your
day um it might be it might be the
constantly checking the numbers it might
be you know going down a rabbit hole of
epidemiological studies there are
different ways that we are just having
this conspiring against our attentional
resources and again you know trying to
navigate what’s going on with children
and with both elderly parents there’s
just so much going on I think you know
one of the most important things that we
can do it is as far as you can try to
establish pockets of control you know
there’s lots that’s out of our control
we we don’t control almost all of us
what can we control we control how we
respond we can control how we connect
and we control how we are to the best of
our ability able to segment our time off
so if for you that means that your
control that day is simply making and
of what food is going to be on the table
or whether that control is putting your
cell phone in a drawer for an hour every
day or whether the control is you know
shutting something else so we we’re
family we love music and we we always
dancing around the kitchen and you know
we love and you know that’s one way that
we bring joy to our lives but I’ve
actually been finding that there’s so
much joy is in general that for me the
control is actually the control of
exerting some kind of silence in the
environment wherever it’s possible I
haven’t left the house for two weeks and
the first week was absolutely you know
it was chaotic with all of the stuff
going on and I found for me being able
to just think about okay if this lands
up being some kind of forced sabbatical
that I don’t ask for but if that’s what
it is what are the three or four things
that I need to be doing everyday that
are going to create some kind of routine
and what are ways that I can think of
other projects that I want to do so we
created some kind of routine for my
children and and it’s not perfect none
of us is perfect but it is what it is
it’s these pockets of control that give
us back our sense of agency and that’s
really critical so so these
conversations are very high on the
Maslow pyramid how do we who have the
privilege to have these conversations
support those who are out working on the
front lines who don’t have the luxury of
taking time for introspection that’s
exactly right
every single one of us has very very
different circumstances and like you
know I’ve been thinking so much about
individuals for instance who might be in
situations of domestic abuse or where
children are feeling physically unsafe
and we’re going to school was was
literally what was saving that child
and this this is where my heart goes to
you know this is where our connecting
with others you know there things that
we can do that can be helpful there are
crisis tech slides that are currently
looking for people who are available to
be a helpful ear to individuals there
are ways that we can support businesses
you know is that is there a way that we
can buy gift cards to but I mean these
are these are very practical and micro
suggestions but I think that they they
important because there is real
suffering and this is not just about you
know how can I move myself into a higher
plane of being and compassion and
restoration because it’s not I mean the
reality for many many many people is
that I don’t have food in my house and
this is why us coming together as
community and being values connected and
saying how can we help what a little big
ways that we can help is is fundamental
this this right now is the marker of our
ability as humanity to come together and
to fight back against this pandemic so
putting the camera backs is and you as a
as a psychologist looking at this
overall situation you know people you
can see things going into two ways
because the world’s conducting this
massive psychological experiment we’ve
never had done before you some people
worry that we are going to drive each
other crazy we’re gonna we’re gonna
bring out so much fear and anger there’s
already a blame game going on between
nations possibly between different
communities that on some scenarios that
gets very dark on the other hand there
are thousands and thousands of just
amazing stories of help and love and
creativity and people at which way is
this going to go do you think do you
think overall we are you know we’re
going to find a way of this persuading
each other to be our better selves when
we
experience what in Psychological terms
is called mortality salience mortality
salience is this idea that our death
becomes it’s moved from something that
we can conveniently avoid to something
that is much more at the periphery even
if we aren’t directly infected or
directly experiencing something it’s
much more salient to us and we know that
when human beings have this mortality
salience we tend to become much more as
in them we tend to become more biased
mysterious up there lot of predictable
psychological responses when we
experience this um but we also know that
human beings have through time had a
well of wisdom and humanity and you know
what I would just say is I think that
what so often happens is we try to solve
the world’s problems with our minds and
of course we’ve got them this Minds out
there working on and they should
continue working on it and I think this
is a time where we we actually need to
move away from our minds into our hearts
into our breathing our seeing our
compassion our wisdom our fortitude and
when I look at the research when I look
at the psychology of generosity and
helpers and community and you see that
through history that there is this
experience of human beings coming
together I believe with all of me that
we can but it comes through the place of
being able to see ourselves and to see
the other introducer with compassion you
know even the person who might be
hoarding toilet-paper compassion doesn’t
mean that you agree that that person is
doing you know the right or the wrong
thing it’s it’s about moving beyond
right or wrong and it’s saying you know
what is this person experiencing inside
of themselves that might be driving a
particular response that is this
openness of the beauty of who he can be
as human beings and I believe that we
can
and we’ll do that and that that is the
sustainable way forward in what is a
fragile and beautiful world right now
hmm
well well Susan thank you so much for
that Whitney thank you so much for the
conversation there and you guys are mine
feel it feels great to be engaged with
you
so look tomorrow I’m gonna be talking
with Bill Gates needs no introduction
you know five years ago he gave a talk
warning about the coming pandemic he if
you watch that top Google Bill Gates TED
talk pandemic watch that if you can
before tomorrow it will make your blood
run cold I mean he’s so much of what
what the world is experiencing now was
laid out there absolutely crystal clear
and and clearly not not enough was done
so it’s going to be slow fascinating to
hear from him what happened you know why
I mean he’s a big powerful man why
didn’t the world listen more and more
importantly what on earth could we do
now how do we scramble do get our health
systems operating more effectively how
do we think about the future and then
during the rest to weakness oh there’s a
wonderful lineup as well and so check if
you check on Ted calm the full program
is on there as to who’s coming
we welcome suggestions for the speakers
as well thanks everyone stay well stay
strong we can do this bye for now
[Music]