Exploring flexible language in selfidentification
[Applause]
i
am a linguist linguists study language
and we do this in a lot of different
ways some linguists study how we
pronounce certain sounds
others look at how we build sentences
and some
study how language varies from place to
place just to name a few
but what i’m really interested in is
what people think
and believe about language and how these
beliefs affect the way we use it
all of us have deeply held beliefs about
language
such as the belief that some languages
are more beautiful than others
or that some ways of using language are
more correct
and as most linguists know these beliefs
are often less about language itself and
more about
what we believe about the social world
around us
so i’m a linguist and i’m
also a non-binary person which means
i don’t identify as a man or a woman
i also identify as a member of a broader
transgender community when i first
started getting connected to other
transgender people it was like learning
a whole new language
and the linguist part of me was really
excited
there was a whole new way of talking
about my relationship with myself
and a new clearer way to communicate
that to other people
and then i started having conversations
with my friends and family about what it
meant for me
to be trans and non-binary
what those words meant to me
specifically
and why i would use both of them
i also clarified the correct words they
could use
when referring to me for some of them
this meant some very specific changes
for example some of my friends who were
used to talking about our friend group
as ladies or girls switched
to non-gendered terms like friends or
pals
and my parents can now tell people that
their three kids
are their son their daughter and their
child
and all of them would have to switch the
pronouns they used to refer to me
my correct pronouns are they and them
also known as the singular they
and these people love me
but many of them told me that some of
these language changes were too hard
or too confusing or too ungrammatical
for them to pick up these responses led
me to the focus of my research
there are commonly held yet harmful
and incorrect beliefs about language
that
for the people who hold these beliefs
act as barriers
to building and strengthening
relationships with the transgender
people
in their families and communities even
if they want to do so
today i’m going to walk you through some
of these beliefs
in the hope that we can embrace
creativity in our language
and allow language to bring us closer
together
you might see your own beliefs reflected
in these
experiences in some way but no matter
what
i hope that i can share with you some
linguistic insights that you can put
into your back pocket
and take with you out into the world and
i just want to be super clear
this can be fun learning about language
brings me joy
and i hope that it can bring you more
joy too
so do you remember how i said that for
some of my friends and family
learning how to use the singular they
was really hard and they said it was
too confusing or too ungrammatical for
them to pick up
well this brings us to the first belief
about language that people have
grammar rules don’t change
as a linguist i see this belief a lot
out in the world
a lot of language users believe that
grammar just
is what it is when it comes to language
what’s grammatical is what matters
you can’t change it i want to tell you a
story about english
in the 1600s back then as you might
imagine
people spoke differently than we do
today in particular
they used thou when addressing a single
other person
and you when addressing more than one
other person
but for some complex historical reasons
that we don’t have time to get into
today
so you’ll just have to trust me as a
linguist here but people started using
you to address someone regardless of how
many people they were talking to
and people had a lot to say about this
take a look at what this guy thomas
ellwood had to say
he wrote the corrupt and unsound form of
speaking
in the plural number to a single person
you to one instead of thou contrary to
the pure
plain and single language of truth
thou to one and you to more than one
and he goes on needless to say
this change in pronouns was a big deal
in the 1600s
but actually if you follow the debates
about the singular they at all
these arguments might sound familiar to
you
they’re not that far off from the
bickering we hear about the so-called
grammaticality of pronouns used to talk
about trans and non-binary people
one of the most common complaints about
the singular they
is that if they is used to refer to
people in the plural
it can’t also be used to talk about
people in the singular
which is exactly what they said about
thou and you
but as we have seen pronouns have
changed
our grammar rules do change and for
a lot of different reasons and we’re
living through one of these shifts
right now all living languages will
continue to change
and the thomas ellwoods of the world
will eventually have to get with the
program
because hundreds of years later it’s
considered
right to use you when addressing another
person
not just allowable but right
the second belief about language that
people have is that
dictionaries provide official unchanging
definitions for words
when you were in school did you ever
start an essay with a sentence like
the dictionary defines history as
well if you did which dictionary were
you talking about
was it the oxford english dictionary
was it merriam-webster was it urban
dictionary
did you even have a particular
dictionary in mind
which one of these is the dictionary
dictionaries are often thought of as the
authority on language
but dictionaries in fact are changing
all the time
and here’s where our minds are really
blown dictionaries don’t provide
a single definition for words
dictionaries are
living documents that track how some
people
are using language language doesn’t
originate
in dictionaries language originates with
people
and dictionaries are the documents that
chronicle that language use
here’s one example we currently use the
word awful
to talk about something that is bad or
gross but before the 19th century
awful meant just the opposite people
used awful to talk about something
that was deserving of respect or full of
awe
and in the mid 1900s awesome was the
word that took up these positive
meanings
and awful switched to the negative one
we have today
and dictionaries over time reflected
that
this is just one example of how
definitions and meanings have changed
over time and to keep up with it
how dictionaries are updated all the
time
so i hope you’re starting to feel a
little more comfortable with the idea of
changing language
but of course i’m not just talking about
language in general
i’m talking about language as it is
impactful for trans people
and pronouns are only one part of
language and they’re only one part of
language that’s important for trans
people
also important are the identity terms
that trans people use to talk about
ourselves
such as trans man trans woman
non-binary or genderqueer
and some of these words have been
documented in dictionaries for decades
now
and others are still being added year
after year
and that’s because dictionaries are
working to keep up with
us the people who are using language
creatively
so at this point you might be thinking
but archie
it seems like every trans person has a
different word they want me to use for
them
there are so many opportunities for me
to mess up
or to look ignorant or to hurt someone’s
feelings
what is something i can memorize and
reliably employ
when talking to the trans people in my
life
well that brings us to the third belief
of about language that people have
you can’t just make up words
folks people do this all the time here’s
one of my favorite examples
the official term for your mother’s
mother or your father’s mother
is grandmother i recently pulled my
friends
and asked them what they call their
grandmothers
we don’t get frustrated if your friend’s
grandma goes by mima
and yours goes by gigi we just make
rather short work of it
and memorize it and move on getting to
know her
in fact we might even celebrate her by
gifting her with a sweatshirt
or an embroidered pillow that celebrates
the name she has chosen for herself
and just like your nana and your grandma
trans people have every right to choose
their own identifying language
the process of determining
self-identifying language
is crucial for trans people in my
research
many trans people have shared that
finding new vocabulary was an
important part of understanding their
own identities
as one person i interviewed put it
language is one of the most important
personal things
because using different words to
describe myself and then finding
something that
feels good feels right is a very
introspective and important process
with that process you can piece together
with the language that you find out
works best for you
who am i sometimes the words that feel
good
are already out there for me the words
trans and non-binary
just feel right but sometimes the common
lexicon doesn’t yet hold
the words that a person needs to feel
properly understood
and it’s necessary and exciting to get
to create
and redefine words that better reflect
our experience of gender
so this is a very long answer but yes
i’m absolutely going to give you a magic
word
something really easy you can memorize
and i want you to think of this word as
the biggest piece of advice i could give
you
if you don’t know what words to use for
the trans people in your life
ask i might be a linguist
and a trans person and a linguist who
works with trans people
but i’m no substitute for the actual
trans people in your life
when it comes to what words to use for
them
and you’re more likely to hurt someone’s
feelings by
not asking or assuming than you
are by asking and the words that a
person
uses might change so just commit
to asking and learning
language is a powerful tool for
explaining
and claiming our own identities and for
building relationships
that affirm and support us but language
is just that
a tool language works for us
not the other way around all of us
transgender and cisgender can use
language
to understand ourselves and to respect
those around us
we’re not bound by what words have meant
before
what order they might have come in or
what rules we
have been taught we can consider the
beliefs
that we might have had about how
language works
and recognize that language will
continue to change
and we can creatively use language to
build the identities and relationships
that bring us joy
and that’s not just allowable it’s right
believe me
you