Language around gender and identity evolves and always has Archie Crowley
Transcriber:
I am a linguist.
Linguists study language.
And we do this in a lot of different ways.
Some linguists study
how we pronounce certain sounds.
Others look at how we build sentences.
And some study how language varies
from place to place,
just to name a few.
But what I’m really interested in
is what people think
and believe about language
and how these beliefs affect
the way we use it.
All of us have deeply held
beliefs about language
such as the belief that some languages
are more beautiful than others
or that some ways of using
language are more correct.
And as most linguists know,
these beliefs are often
less about language itself
and more about what we believe
about the social world around us.
So I’m a linguist,
and I’m also a nonbinary person,
which means I don’t identify
as a man or a woman.
I also identify as a member
of a broader transgender community.
When I first started getting connected
to other transgender people,
it was like learning a whole new language
and the linguist part of me
was really excited.
There was a whole new way of talking
about my relationship with myself
and a new clear way
to communicate that to other people.
And then I started having conversations
with my friends and family
about what it meant for me
to be trans and nonbinary,
what those words meant to me specifically,
and why I would use both of them.
I also clarified the correct words
they could use when referring to me.
For some of them, this meant
some very specific changes.
For example, some of my friends
who are used to talking about
our friend group as “ladies” or “girls”
switched to nongendered terms
like “friends” or “pals.”
And my parents can now tell people
that their three kids are their son,
their daughter and their child.
And all of them would have to switch
the pronouns they used to refer to me.
My correct pronouns are “they” and “them,”
also known as the singular they.
And these people love me,
but many of them told me
that some of these language changes
were too hard or too confusing
or too ungrammatical for them to pick up.
These responses led me
to the focus of my research.
There are commonly held,
yet harmful and incorrect
beliefs about language
that for the people
who hold these beliefs,
act as barriers to building
and strengthening relationships
with the transgender people
in their families and communities,
even if they want to do so.
Today, I’m going to walk you
through some of these beliefs
in the hope that we can embrace
creativity in our language
and allow language
to bring us closer together.
You might see your own beliefs reflected
in these experiences in some way,
but no matter what,
I hope that I can share with you
some linguistic insights
that you can put into your back pocket
and take with you out into the world.
And I just want to be super clear.
This can be fun.
Learning about language brings me joy,
and I hope that it can
bring you more joy too.
So do you remember how I said
that for some of my friends and family
learning how to use
the singular they was really hard,
and they said it was too confusing
or too ungrammatical for them to pick up.
Well, this brings us to the first belief
about language that people have.
Grammar rules don’t change.
As a linguist, I see this belief
a lot out in the world.
A lot of language users believe
that grammar just is what it is.
When it comes to language,
what’s grammatical is what matters.
You can’t change it.
I want to tell you a story
about English in the 1600s.
Back then, as you might imagine,
people spoke differently than we do today.
In particular, they used “thou”
when addressing a single other person,
and “you” when addressing
more than one other person,
But for some complex historical reasons
that we don’t have time to get into today,
so you’ll just have to trust
me as a linguist here,
but people started using
“you” to address someone,
regardless of how many people
they were talking to.
And people had a lot to say about this.
Take a look at what this guy,
Thomas Elwood, had to say.
He wrote,
“The corrupt and unsound form
of speaking in the plural number
to a single person,
‘you’ to one instead of ‘thou,’
contrary to the pure, plain
and single language of truth,
‘thou’ to one and ‘you’ to more than one.”
And he goes on.
Needless to say,
this change in pronouns
was a big deal in the 1600s.
But actually, if you followed the debates
about the singular they at all,
these arguments
might sound familiar to you.
They’re not that far off
from the bickering we hear
about the so-called
grammaticality of pronouns
used to talk about trans
and nonbinary people.
One of the most common complaints
about the singular they
is that if “they” is used
to refer to people in the plural,
it can’t also be used to talk
about people in the singular,
which is exactly what they said
about “thou” and “you.”
But as we have seen,
pronouns have changed.
Our grammar rules do change
and for a lot of different reasons.
And we’re living through one
of these shifts right now.
All living languages
will continue to change,
and the Thomas Elwoods of the world
will eventually have to get
with the program
because hundreds of years later,
it’s considered right to use “you”
when addressing another person.
Not just allowable, but right.
The second belief about language
that people have
is that dictionaries provide official,
unchanging definitions for words.
When you were in school,
did you ever start an essay
with a sentence like,
“The dictionary defines history as …”
Well, if you did, which dictionary
were you talking about?
Was it the Oxford English Dictionary?
Was it Merriam Webster?
Was it Urban Dictionary?
Did you even have
a particular dictionary in mind?
Which one of these is “the dictionary?”
Dictionaries are often thought of
as the authority on language.
But dictionaries, in fact,
are changing all the time.
And here’s where our minds
are really blown.
Dictionaries don’t provide
a single definition for words.
Dictionaries are living documents
that track how some people
are using language.
Language doesn’t originate
in dictionaries.
Language originates with people
and dictionaries are the documents
that chronicle that language use.
Here’s one example.
We currently use the word “awful”
to talk about something
that is bad or gross.
But before the 19th century,
“awful” meant just the opposite.
People used “awful” to talk
about something
that was deserving of respect
or full of awe.
And in the mid-1900s,
“awesome” was the word
that took up these positive meanings
and “awful” switched
to the negative one we have today.
And dictionaries over time reflected that.
This is just one example
of how definitions and meanings
have changed over time.
And to keep up with it,
how dictionaries are updated all the time.
So I hope you’re starting to feel
a little more comfortable
with the idea of changing language.
But of course, I’m not just talking
about language in general.
I’m talking about language
as it is impactful for trans people.
And pronouns are only
one part of language,
and they’re only one part of language
that’s important for trans people.
Also important are the identity terms
that trans people use
to talk about ourselves,
such as trans man, trans woman,
nonbinary or gender queer.
And some of these words
have been documented in dictionaries
for decades now
and others are still
being added year after year.
And that’s because dictionaries
are working to keep up with us,
the people who are using
language creatively.
So at this point, you might be thinking,
“But Archie, it seems like
every trans person has a different word
they want me to use for them.
There are so many opportunities
for me to mess up or to look ignorant
or to hurt someone’s feelings.
What is something I can memorize
and reliably employ when talking
to the trans people in my life?”
Well, that brings us to the third belief
about language that people have.
You can’t just make up words.
Folks, people do this all the time.
Here’s one of my favorite examples.
The “official” term
for your mother’s mother
or your father’s mother is grandmother.
I recently polled my friends
and asked them what they call
their grandmothers.
We don’t get frustrated if your
friend’s grandma goes by Meemaw
and yours goes by Gigi.
We just make rather short work of it
and memorize it and move on
getting to know her.
In fact, we might even celebrate her
by gifting her with a sweatshirt
or an embroidered pillow that celebrates
the name she has chosen for herself.
And just like your Nana and your grandma,
trans people have every right to choose
their own identifying language.
The process of determining
self-identifying language
is crucial for trans people.
In my research,
many trans people have shared
that finding new vocabulary
was an important part of understanding
their own identities.
As one person I interviewed put it,
“Language is one of the most
important personal things
because using different words
to describe myself
and then finding something
that feels good, feels right,
is a very introspective
and important process.
With that process you can piece together,
with the language that you find out
works best for you,
who am I?”
Sometimes the words that feel good
are already out there.
For me, the words trans
and nonbinary just feel right.
But sometimes the common lexicon
doesn’t yet hold
the words that a person needs
to feel properly understood.
And it’s necessary and exciting
to get to create and redefine words
that better reflect
our experience of gender.
So this is a very long answer, but, yes,
I’m absolutely going
to give you a magic word,
something really easy you can memorize.
And I want you to think of this word
as the biggest piece
of advice I could give you
if you don’t know what words to use
for the trans people in your life.
Ask.
I might be a linguist and a trans person
and a linguist who works
with trans people,
but I’m no substitute
for the actual trans people in your life
when it comes to what words
to use for them.
And you’re more likely to hurt
someone’s feelings by not asking
or assuming
than you are by asking.
And the words that a person
uses might change.
So just commit to asking and learning.
Language is a powerful tool
for explaining and claiming
our own identities
and for building relationships
that affirm and support us.
But language is just that, a tool.
Language works for us,
not the other way around.
All of us, transgender and cisgender
can use language to understand ourselves
and to respect those around us.
We’re not bound by what words
have meant before,
what order they might have come in
or what rules we have been taught.
We can consider the beliefs
that we might have had
about how language works
and recognize that language
will continue to change.
And we can creatively use language
to build the identities
and relationships that bring us joy.
And that’s not just allowable.
It’s right.
Believe me.