Maps to Authenticity in Leadership Speaking
[Music]
when’s the last time that you went
dancing
i’m talking about the kind of dancing
where you actually get dressed up in
your finest you put on your dancing
shoes and you actually go somewhere to
dance
i bet it was a long time ago
especially now with covid but even
before then
people just aren’t dancing and moving
their bodies the same way they were when
i was growing up
i’m a child of the early 1970s and back
then everybody was dancing
i grew up in sweden so we were dancing
to abba and bonnie m and my father loved
with a capital l earth wind and fire
that song
doesn’t in september that was always on
that was like the theme song of my
childhood
but you know what dancing in whatever
time and whatever place you do it it’s
about one main thing
it’s about release
letting go self-expression
and that’s so different from how we’re
living today
isn’t it
in my line of work training global
leaders and teams and change makers and
the art of leadership speaking
i see a lot of pent-up bodies
in fact i’d say that full-body tension
is probably the biggest problem that my
students face
and this tension affects everything they
do when they are speaking in front of
audiences
when they move they move like robots
when they speak their faces are in
lockdown so their voices are monotonous
and sometimes when i look them in their
eyes
there’s nobody home behind them
[Music]
tension is the enemy of connection
and some of my students
you can’t see who they are at their core
because this is hidden and invisible
entombed by layers of what habit
and culture and life frankly
have brought them
my job is to very gently
very lovingly and very competently
open
these layers
releasing their authenticity back out
into the world
so that they can connect with their
audiences make their messages matter
and show up as the best versions of
themselves
my job
is to bring them home
where’s home for you
your vertical center
where you can dance like no one is
watching
let your hair down and just do you
where you are unshackled from the social
and
cultural and self-imposed
behavioral norms and etiquette which
dictate how you should walk how you
should stand how you chew yawn
move and even breathe
where is home
where are you
who are you with
and what are you doing
when you’re the best version of yourself
completely relaxed
and free
unbound by the invisible chains which
block
your light
hide your gifts
and suffocate who you are at the core
where
is home
knowing where home is is about
rediscovering who you are at the center
of your being
it’s about living your truth and being
okay with that
it’s about taking your armor down
and just being in that moment so that
both you and your audiences can thrive
if you don’t know where home is no
worries i’ve got a map to help you find
it
a map to finding your way home and to
reclaiming your authenticity as a
speaker
this map
was created from the many forks in the
road twists and turns and dead ends
quite frankly that i’ve experienced
myself and my own adventures in
leadership speaking
and i want to share this map with you
here
because now is the right time
covert 19 has left us
unhinged
we are fragmented
and out of alignment can you feel it
you know we may have revolutionized
how we stay connected with each other by
being online
but i feel like we’ve never been more
disconnected
yeah because we’re squeezing ourselves
into these small little digital
rectangles
where you only see our bobbing heads and
moving mouths
sound familiar
yeah
and this squeezes and shrinks our
authenticity and it takes
the air out of what we say it flattens
our voices disengages our bodies and
what we have to say in our messages just
disappear
but you know what
what we’re doing in these little boxes
is we’re talking about facts and
knowledge and information and for you
left-brained people in here
this is probably some sort of a
renaissance
but this is unbalanced
if i were to draw what this looks like
we would be looking at
a giant
head
with a tiny little stick figure body
that it’s floating on top of these are
the proportions that we’re dealing with
right now all right this is what’s
showing up
and i want to ask you
how can you show up as the best version
of yourself when you’re only a bobbing
head
how can you be authentic and connect to
your audiences when this is what’s going
on in fragmentation look the answer is
simple you can’t
because your body is the key to
unlocking everything
what your body does your authenticity
does
what your body does your presence does
what your body does your voice does what
your body does i think you get the
picture
your body is a book
and the stories that it tells reveals
who you are at the core
that’s why before we even start talking
about the map that i’ve got for you here
today
you need to trust that your body’s got
your back
and reconnect with your legs
and your feet yes you have legs and feet
and what you can do
as a kind of ritual before you get
online before you speak to any audiences
as a matter of fact take your shoes and
socks off
and walk around the space curling your
toes feeling that
ground underneath your feet and think to
yourself
where are my feet
where are my knees
where are my legs
and the next level of this is to balance
here you leave your head brain
and you enter the intelligence of your
beautiful body
and you and i both know that when you
are balanced you can do anything
so let’s get back to this map
the first stop on it
is pretty straightforward i’m going to
call it
your mindset and it’s this red dot right
here
mindset
heartbeat
we feel most alive when our heart beats
the quickest
don’t we
think about when your heart beats fast
when you’re dancing
when you’re in love
when you feel fear
let’s unpack fear
related to speaking in front of
audiences raise your hands if you’ve
ever felt fearful before you speak
yes look at everybody this is universal
thank you yes
this is how we operate as people we are
hardwired to deal with fear in one of
three ways we take flight we fight or we
freeze
and you and i both know that none of
those options are appropriate to do when
we’re speaking in front of audiences
so what do we do we have to have a plan
because if we don’t have a plan fear
will manage us
instead of us
managing fear
and in the context of speaking in front
of audiences fear
is a thief
it steals your ability to relax and to
enjoy yourself and it robs your
authenticity so what’s the plan two ways
that i want to suggest
for you to manage fear way number one
prepare very well
or like ben franklin said if you fail to
prepare
you prepare to fail
yeah so i’m talking about the high
stakes talks right the ones that really
matter
where you need to put some sweat equity
into the game roll up your shirt sleeves
go and rehearse until this content
becomes a part of your body i see a lot
of people who rehearse until they kind
of get robotic and then they say oh i
better stop rehearsing now but that’s a
mistake
they need to go the distance
or like prince said my musical idol
the more you learn it the more it
becomes part of who you are
fyi that’s how you know that you’ve
rehearsed enough
so that’s where you stop rehearsing when
it just pours out of you
another way to manage fear
is to change the orientation of your
internal compass this is a compass
and most of my students in the early
days have a compass needle that points
squarely at them it’s the me show hey
they use the i and the me and the myself
pronoun a lot
but what they don’t know yet because i
haven’t taught them yet is that
leadership speaking isn’t about you it’s
about your audience
and that’s where your compass needle
needs to be pointed
you need to be in authentic
service
yes because it’s not the me show it’s
the wii show
you are bundling your content into a
world that matters to your audience
their needs their interests that’s what
you’re populating this bundle with in
your content and you’re doing the same
with your delivery how can you show up
in presence and use your voice and
connect with your body so that your
audience gets you
that’s authentic service and something
magic happens when you do this
when you’re in authentic service to your
audience fear melts away
you know what this feels like when
you’re giving somebody something from
your heart
then you’re not in fear
try that next time
let’s move on
we’re going to go to one more stop here
on the map the heart set
yes this is that place
that you protect and build walls around
when you’re in fear
this is what you armor up and shut down
when you feel afraid
and vulnerable this is normal we all do
this
but the problem is when you do this
related to speaking when you armor up
your heart
we can’t see you
and if we can’t see you
we can’t connect with you and if you
want to know what it feels like to be in
the company of someone who has an
armored heart
just remember the last time that you
felt numb
when you were watching somebody talk
yeah
that feeling of hey i’m here but you
don’t see me that person is so
disengaged discombobulated disconnected
they’re in their head not their body you
see
and by the way if that person is you
making people feel numb when you’re
talking to them
my invitation to you
is to get out of your head
and get into your body you have a lot of
work to do to reconnect
so
more about the heart
i like to say that who you are at the
core
in your heart
is one of the four elements
and we all know these elements earth
water fire air
let me break this down
if you are earth core if this is what is
your dominant element
then you are
steady on your feet
you move slowly and with purpose
and you make your audience feel safe
if you are water core you are liquid and
mobile you move from your hips and you
have a melodic voice that people like to
listen to
if you are fire core you are fierce
you move in angles and you make people’s
hearts beat faster
if you are air core you are light
and luminous and ephemeral and you spend
time on your toes
and you make people feel young again
which element are you
where is home
knowing where home is is about knowing
where you’re the best version of
yourself because you’re the best version
of yourself and your element
but there’s a shadow side
i’ve found that you tend to be the least
best version of yourself when you’re in
the opposite
element
so my element is fire you might have
noticed that
and the opposite of fire is what
water yeah i hate being watery it’s like
woo
that’s not me
so i have to do a lot to compensate i
warm up
the waters of my body are in my hips so
i’m spending an hour before i speak
doing that i wear blue
to try to get flowy with you for balance
because too much of anything isn’t good
people
too much fire i burn
and if i burn i burn you too i need
water for balance too much earth and
you’re digging your audience into
ditches you need air
too much water and you’re drowning in
your sorrows
and the audience is drowning with you
you need fire
too much air and you whisp away into
nothing into the universe and nobody
remembers you were there you need earth
so the takeaway is
you are the best version of yourself in
your element but there’s a shadow side
that you need to nurture
so let’s go to our last stop on our map
here today
and that’s right here
i’m going to call this the gut
set the gut this is where your intuition
lives
your gut keeps you alive
i like to say to my students and to my
two teenage children
if it feels right it is right
but if it feels wrong it is wrong
stop drop
and make a bold decision
what does that look like in real life
related to speaking well let’s imagine
you’re talking and you’re feeling
something is not right and you’re
listening to that internal conversation
that chatter
and you’re feeling like you’re talking
too fast stop
take a drink of water if there’s
something nearby
as you’re drinking you’re dropping
what’s not working and you’re doing the
opposite right making a bold decision is
about doing the opposite 180 degrees
different from what you were doing
the opposite of speaking fast is
speaking slow so take that water put it
down and the next time your mouth opens
you speak slowly
i know this sounds easy but it’s kind of
hard
but when you do it you add it to your
repertoire you become ninja level aware
of this conversation in your gut
and it keeps you authentic it keeps you
in the moment
you know what
about 16 minutes ago
i was talking about how we’re not
dancing
anymore as a culture you remember that
part
yeah well i kind of feel like these dots
are a little mobile there’s something
dancey about them
and i think it’s time to connect the
dots
let me draw the full picture
[Music]
you begin with your feet
finding balance getting grounded
connecting to your legs
then you go to your head
where your mindset lives two different
ways to manage fear
then you go to your heart
where your true nature lives but mind
your shadow
next you get to your gut
always trust your gut it keeps you alive
and look
huh it’s a human
it’s you
welcome home
this is your map
and you already own it but let me tell
you this another way
[Music]
[Music]
[Music]
[Applause]
under the surface i see you glow
i know that you’re in there
my invitation to you
is to come dancing
to use the map of your own body to
reclaim
your authenticity
dare to be remarkable
dare to be seen
because when we really see you
we connect with you
[Applause]