Why we need disruptive leadership. Its time for a REBELUTION
[Music]
[Applause]
i was sitting in the chair
as those words hit my heart like a
tsunami
it was almost as if the wind had been
taken
out of my chest
i didn’t have words to respond
i simply sat there
and on the other end of the phone she
asked me again
sonya when are you gonna finally believe
that you’re enough
those words opened a door
and a window to a place i’d never been
able to
see myself in before
as i finally found a little whisper
to respond as the tears stream down my
face
i answered today
looking back now i realize that was the
moment
that i actually started to take my leap
to become a rebel leader
leading up to that moment i had a lot of
scraps and pieces of my life
i didn’t know how to describe them at
that at the time
but when we think of a quilt and how
a quilt comes together
it suddenly starts to make sense to me
because a quilt starts with pieces
oftentimes
they were scrap pieces to be brought
together
and to become something new and
something beautiful
they were often passed around through
traditions
they’re homemade typically there’s a lot
of story
in a quilt
they’re also a beautiful story of things
that we would typically toss away or
dismiss
and those things becoming something that
actually protects
something that warms and something that
has great meaning
when given to another
so when i think of my pieces
i see at the time i thought i was an
imposter
because there was one half of me that
i was as a child i was very
i was a great student i was very
obedient i wanted to
make others happy
i went off to the military right out of
high school
and i excelled in my military career
i attained my first degree in criminal
justice
i then got a very successful job within
the government
i moved around a lot in those jobs but i
was always
again successful in every position that
i took
i got a second degree
in criminology and then i started
to really dive deep into volunteer work
and i started to volunteer for youth
organizations doing grief counseling for
kids
becoming a mentor and again everywhere
that i went
i was very successful in this i grew a
lot i learned a lot
i started to do a lot of self work
i started to dive real deep into
what was where did my beliefs come from
how do i love myself how do i become the
best version
that i’m wanting to be in the world
now all of these things were that were
pieces
that from the outside looking in others
saw them as
success and they saw me a success
but when i say that i felt like an
imposter it’s because there was a whole
other set of pieces
that others probably didn’t really know
about
and those were the pieces that i was
judging myself over
those were the pieces i was giving most
of my attention to
and that was as a child
never feeling like i belonged anywhere
that i went
my military career that was great but i
judged myself for not finishing 20 years
that i actually left early and i left
feeling unbelonging from that space as
well
during the days of don’t ask don’t tell
my two degrees that i was very proud of
i wasn’t using them in any way shape or
form so i felt like i had wasted money
and time
my jobs that i was being so successful
at i was unfulfilled
and i was moving every year to two years
into a new position just to keep myself
engaged
i was two divorces in at this point with
no children
and one of my darkest pieces that many
didn’t know about when they saw success
on the outside
was that i was battling the story
of addiction the whole time with alcohol
i was trying to numb the failure i felt
from not understanding how these pieces
went together what was i doing with my
life
why did i have this internal knowing
that i’m here to do something
special something really great and i
felt like i was
losing that battle i was not meeting
that need
and i would probably still be in that
moment today
if it wasn’t for the fact that i just
would not give up on seeking
some sort of meaning and that was when
i started to look back and i started to
see that there was a thread going on
here
that the one thing that brought all my
pieces together
was the fact that i never belonged i was
a disrupter in every space that i went
to whether i meant to be one or not
and when i say disruptor it was never a
bad thing i was always bringing in new
ideas creative ideas
new perspectives creative perspectives
i was a breath of fresh air in most
spaces that i went into i didn’t feel
like i belonged
to them and maybe that’s because i was
never meant to
because i needed to bring the
non-belonging
into the space and open up
opportunity the other thread
i started to see is this thread of being
able to radically love
and that meant that i stand on the
ground that every single human being on
this
earth is lovable whether i understand
their views or their belief systems or
why they did what they did or not
and when i was able to see those two
threads
suddenly those degrees suddenly
my military career my government career
all the work that i did
to finally propel myself to leave and
start my own business and become
a leadership coach and a workshop
facilitator and
my own owner of my own business all of
it suddenly started to make sense
and i was finally ready to put together
my finished quilt
and what is that quilt it’s being the
change
that i’ve always wanted to see in the
world
it’s standing here in front of you as a
rebel leader and claiming
that title with pride
and calling out all the other rebel
leaders
across the world because it’s my belief
that it is time for change in leadership
in this world
we need leaders who are willing to break
the rules because let’s be honest
many of these games were never created
for us to win
or even maybe even have a chance to play
them
it’s time for something new now your
revolution your rebelness might look
very different than mine it doesn’t have
to be
my story your threads
are likely to be something very
different
but to even know where to start
you got to be willing to ask yourself
the question
what’s an area that’s longing for
disruption
within you
now mine was the freedom
to stand in who i am unapologetically
to dare to live my life for me
once you have that area of disruption
it’s helpful to sit down and to imagine
if i were living my life in this way if
i dare to disrupt
in this space
what would that mean
what are the thoughts that show up
and some of those thoughts might be this
is selfish i can’t do this
another thought might be
i might make others angry or what if
others don’t approve
and another thought might be what if i’m
not good enough and what if i fail
start to sit with those beliefs and
thoughts
and then ask yourself what’s the cost
if i don’t
and then i want you to start to do the
work
and that could be getting a coach it
could be getting a mentor
it could be finding a program that’s
going to help you explore
it might be just taking the first step
creating an llc
going asking a business partner to join
business with you
taking the class whatever it is for you
find the way to do the work
and i want you to sit with that list and
start to work through those belief
systems
question them ask if they’re true
and dare to be willing to put something
in the replacement of it
and one of the last things i want to ask
you to do in this journey
is to find a community and a support
group
that’s going to want this for you
this is not something to be done alone
we are meant to come together and create
change
and as a rebel leader that is no
different
it is time for a revolution
have you actually felt the pool to break
free
and if you have what’s stopping you
[Music]
you