Leading into the unknown
what do you believe is the most precious
gift
you have been given and that you can
give to someone else
in this life for me it is time
my most favorite phrase to say is one
second at a time
it helps me to live consciously and to
be aware
and be present in every second of time
i say it to encourage people around me
to stay
present in each moment of their lives
and to those in pain to know
that they will overcome that this
intensity
of pain will pass my second favorite
saying
is that life is short
it matters not whether you live to be a
hundred
if you love life and if you have people
that love you
and to those that you love
there will never be enough time in this
life
as a young advertising executive in my
early twenties
i was looking for a time management
system to help me to organize my life
the franklin county training program
that i enrolled in
was based on the book by dr stephen
covey
the seven habits of highly effective
people
this approach to time management is
rooted in principles
that require your leadership your
choices
your decisions that indicate what is of
value to you
it places responsibility and
accountability
squarely on your shoulders the time
management training required me to
develop my personal vision
which is influenced by the habit two
which says begin with the end in mind
and have a three put first things first
in developing my vision i visualize
drawing my last breath how i wanted to
feel
and how i did not want to feel have you
ever thought
about how you want to feel when you take
your last breath
i created a vision that will help me to
prioritize my focus
and filter my choices and actions
every second of the day my personal
vision is
to live my life with integrity
passion and in ecstasy
so that every day can be the last with
no fear
and with no regrets now the question is
how do you know if you are sincere and
committed
to your vision it is easy to create a
vision intellectually
the challenge is to live in a manner
that brings you into alignment
with your vision since creating my
personal vision
there have been many tests through the
years
but none as poignant and life-defining
as what i experienced december 2006
it started at lunchtime on wednesday the
sixth
i received a call on the landline
yes they were landline those days
i was on my way out of the house for a
meeting with the prominence of african
businessmen
and also a friend so i thought it was my
mother on the line
she sounded very anxious i did not want
her to feel that she was not my priority
by telling her that i’m rushing to a
meeting instead i
sent a text from my cell phone to the
businessman
explaining the situation advising him
that i’ll be
15 minutes late he did not respond
so i assumed he understood my sister
strelo
had been admitted by my mother to the
hospital
mainly for observation on friday the 8th
of december i was due to fly from
johannesburg to durban
my hometown to visit her my mother was
asking whether
i could come home earlier because i
always cheered up my sister
the anguish in my mother’s voice worried
me
so i promised to take the last flight
out
to durban that night and also text my
sister and told her
i will see her the next day thursday the
7th of december
at 2pm which was the visiting time
the next day my mother and i arrived at
the hospital
two hours earlier than the visiting time
the doctor encouraged us to discharge
her
on the way home i stopped
at her favorite grocery store as i
wanted to buy her
fruits i liked her eating them while i
massaged her feet
she told our mother to call me back to
the car
to tell me to hurry as i was taking too
long
we did not question her as to why
she was in a hurry to get home but i
obliged
as we drove into our road she was
extremely excited
she said i am going home
so childlike with the glow on her face
as we parked in the yard she started
losing strength
we carried her to her bedroom at exactly
2 pm on the dot the time
i had told her i will visit her my
sister took her last breath
in my arms i screamed
stella don’t leave me
my father mother and i were in shock
despite the most excruciating pain
of losing my only sibling the moment
was perfect
i was where i wanted to be with her
just as i was with my father six months
later on the 23rd
of june 2007 when he died as well
but that’s a story for another time
what happened to the businessman you ask
well
he decided not to continue with the
meeting
after i rushed to the venue because he
could not understand
how i chose my family over a business
meeting
when i called him to tell him that my
sister died
he said oh i’m sorry
and that was the end of the conversation
i never heard from him
for many years after that the
circumstances
around my sister’s passing taught me
four
crucial lessons about living which i
have named liv
that i wish to share with you l for
leadership
i for inner voice v for vision
and e for emotions about leadership
i learned that i am my own best leader
i have learned that the most difficult
and yet most
fulfilling leadership journey is that of
leading myself
i do not put too much stock in
positional leadership
for its sake i believe that the most
effective
positional leaders work hard to master
personal leadership first i believe that
every morning when i wake up in each
second
in each decision with each
choice i am leading myself into the
unknown
with its gifts its lessons
positive or negative joyful
or painful i have learned the importance
of being a protagonist in my own life
and not abdicating leadership to others
because of their titles positions sphere
of
influence or number of followers out of
fear
or lack of trust of myself
working in the leadership practice i
have developed
a definition of leadership which is the
ability to direct
to shape and influence into the future
a new and unknown reality i thank my
sister strelo
for inspiring this way of seeing
leadership
consequently instigating my business
for sorry leadership partners where i
teach others
to be their own best leaders i learned
to treasure and trust my inner voice
to have the courage to listen to both
the discomforting
and the comforting thoughts without
trying to silence or numb them
with substances to embrace my inner
voice
as the compass that guides my choices
my decisions every second
my father always told me that i must
understand the weight of
every choice and every decision because
they have consequences
he used to say you may not choose the
results
in making a choice and a decision you
need to take responsibility for the
outcomes
even the unintended i am very conscious
of the decisions that i make just like
when that call came from my mother
on the 6th of december 2006.
i had no idea what will come next
but i knew that with every choice i
wanted to
live with the consequences with no fear
and no regrets
knowing and honoring our inner voices is
becoming even more essential
in a world in which our choices and our
decisions
are increasingly influenced by
algorithms
conspiracy theories and fake news
had i abdicated my leadership
of my life because of fear
and to the mercies of the misguided
views
of what makes a credible and kick-ass
businesswoman in the eyes of the
businessman that i was meeting
my vision would have remained words on a
page
not the reflection of the true
values in my heart a recipe for
lifelong regret visions guide our lives
provide the directions to the choices
we make about everything family
spirituality physical well-being
leisure work school
friendships amongst many other things
a clear vision makes you decide
what to focus on and what not to focus
on
so that you consciously create
your desired life and filter out
the priorities of others it allows me
to be consistent guided by my values to
engender
trust in who i am do you have a personal
vision
make the time if you do not to work on
your personal vision
lastly but not in the least
i have learned how to use and direct my
emotions
rather than have them control me
at the start of my career i came across
the most
liberating and empowering definition of
emotions
of emotions as energy emotion
this way of seeing emotions changed my
life
i can visualize the physiological
changes that are happening in my body
my breath the beating of my heart
my temperature rising if i’m sad
or in pain the tears that are about to
overwhelm me
i cry more readily than i get angry
i see anger as more destructive
but more powerful i usually use it
as fuel to do good i ask myself
two questions when i’m reacting to what
is happening to me
the first one is what is my lesson to
learn from this
the second is is this my lesson
or am i a vehicle for someone else to
learn their lesson
after all not everything is about me
even though it’s happening to me or
around me
these are the questions that help me to
evaluate
how i can best handle the situation i
tend not to sweat the small stuff
keep grudges or make mountains out of
molehills
after my sister expelled her last breath
in my arms
i sat with her for over two hours
i watched her and i felt so many
emotions
disbelief anger
sadness pain love
but no fear and no regret as i end our
time together
as you reflect on your life’s journey
spare a thought about how you want to
feel
and do not want to feel when you draw
your last breath
we never truly know what tomorrow will
bring
we can hope wish
but we do not truly know what i
desire for me and for you is to know for
sure
that every second of this short life
that we are leading ourselves into the
unknown
and every day can be the last
with no fear and no regrets
thank you
you