Choose to be Bold
[Music]
[Applause]
let me tell you a story about my friend
he grew up a very normal boy went to
school and scored very good grades
you know not those grades that the
teacher gets back to you you know with
the paper folded down
so that the rest of the peers in the
class can see and you’re embarrassed
after school he managed to take over the
family business
he was very successful while at it drove
an amazing beautiful car
built an amazing beautiful home for
himself
and how we ended up connecting is
because we both loved fashion
we both loved suiting up we spent so
many hours
in restaurants speaking about how
fashion has constantly evolved
let me tell you something else about my
friend
he hates christmas every single time the
lights go up in the mall
and the christmas carols fill up the air
he picks up his call and he tells me
man it’s that time again
he dreads taking that same trip back
home because that trip
comes with those same very questions
that frustrate him and make him sad
where is she they ask we’re growing old
we want grandchildren
we’re so happy you have become
successful
but now we want children
these questions that started as a gentle
nudge kept on becoming less gentler over
time
and i have seen my friend turn to the
bottle every single day
my name is chris jeri mckenna
i am happiness i am free and i am bold
for a very long time i could never
introduce myself like this
but somewhere along the journey i
started to discover
what it meant to live your truth i
started to discover who i really was
and i decided to be loyal to my own
authenticity
by doing this it freed me from my own
misery
and i consciously made an effort to
constantly be happy
i believe happiness is the only and the
true natural form
of all human beings and animals combined
think about it every single thing that
you do
is in constant search of happiness you
go to school so that you can get good
grades
so that you can go get a job get some
money buy yourself some good clothes
help your parents all these things make
you happy
so it’s no coincidence that as we are
searching for our own happiness
we are actually going down the same
route of self-discovery
for the last decade i struggled to live
a normal life
normal here meaning conforming to the
different
to the different societal norms that
have been placed on us from a very young
age
from a very young age we were taught
that suits are for boys
and dresses are for girls
that small little dolls are toys for
girls
and cars are toys for boys
this continued to even when we are
adults when we are choosing our career
parts
and we were constantly reminded that a
mechanics job is a man’s job
and a hair stylist job is a woman’s job
these same very norms even dictate who
we should love
as a man you’re only expected to be with
a woman
and as a woman the only partner that you
should bring home
is a man coming to the city when i was
19 years old
my goal in life was to thrive and to
survive no matter what
i wanted to act i wanted to be a big
superstar
featured in very many different tv shows
and in big movie series but i knew for a
fact that the battles that i had been
going through as a teenager
will now be tested in this big city
but i was not going to back down
as i acted in very many different stages
in the city
i realized that what society wanted me
to accept as normal
wasn’t the case for humanity and was
definitely not the case for me
i came across a quote at that particular
point that constantly encouraged me
a quote by ellen degeneres
the truth is that we are all one
connected thing
from the exact same molecules but our
vibrations
are different how we express ourselves
in life
can be completely different from anyone
else
i continued acting in very many
different platforms in different
counties
in my country and the constant theme
that stood out every single time
is that the african culture glorifies
and promotes heteronormativity
heteronormativity means denoting or
relating to a world view
that promotes her heterosexuality i beg
your pardon
as a normal or preferred sexual
orientation
allow me to introduce another term here
gender binary this is the classification
of gender into two
and opposite distinct forms masculine
and feminine all this determined whether
by social system
or cultural belief
however this is not the case
and is not accurate for every single
person and every single child
born across the world
i believe that gender identity
is one’s own internal experience and
perception
of self and you know what
it is actually separate from one sex
the journey towards expressing my own
identity
wasn’t easy i had it rough for very many
years where small decisions
like what to wear to a wedding as an
adult
was something that constantly frustrated
me
because i wanted to wear a shot pants
coats
because that’s what i was comfortable
doing
but yet society insisted that as a woman
i should attend these different events
in a dress
small decisions like this which may not
mean much to
anyone across the world
are some of the challenges that i had to
overcome
those were my fears and in that
particular moment
i chose to put back my fear and choose
to be bold in making small decisions
like this i started rocking what i was
comfortable rocking to different events
because that’s who i am and that is my
truth
i remember for the first time in my life
after very many years looking at myself
in the mirror
and i say to myself
i am gay i am unique and this is my
truth
every single time i say this to my
friends i tell them i felt a weight was
lifted off my chest
i was finally free i was whole
and for the first time in my life i was
in sync with my being
this was a victory for me
but what i didn’t know was that this was
just by the beginning of my journey to
boldness
the first place where i encountered
the choice to be bold is in my workspace
being an actor i got to a point where i
had to turn down scripts which did not
work for my gender identity
being a producer in the film and the tv
industry
i was constantly ridiculed for picking
up jobs
that were supposed to be men producing
jobs
but yet as a woman i wanted to do them
growing up in a christian home and being
a believer
when i came to the city i had to look
for a church
and every single sunday i walked into
that church
where i believe the universal language
should be love
because also we are taught that love
your neighbor as you love yourself
but the church was the very one place
where i received hate
gossip stairs
such a painful experience for me
that i had to retreat to worshiping my
god the best way i knew
in solitude and that still works for me
to date
i remember that cold morning of july
2018
when i woke up and i looked at my phone
and i had over a thousand messages and
over 500 missed calls my blood went cold
i knew something was wrong
what i did not know is that i had become
a trending topic
overnight and with
every single tweet every single comment
of hate
towards me i was reminded how our
society
promotes and glorifies gender roles and
gender identity
without thinking about the other person
on the receiving end
who they identify as
and who they have chosen to be what is
their truth
this whole experience was so painful for
me that for three months
i was constantly down and had bouts of
depression
but once again i reminded myself that i
had to choose to be bold
this whole experience made some of my
family members and friends
become strangers i received comments
from friends like we were okay with you
being gay
but now that you’re so outspoken about
it we don’t know what
other people are going to think when
they see us hanging out with you
i wish you were not that outspoken we
will still be friends
some different family members chose the
path of hate as well
but at that particular point i knew i
had to find my tribe and i did
my two lovely and amazing friends who
have held me down to date
loving me for who i am and for the
person that
i have become
all these different experiences that i
have gone through in my works places
church social media only emboldened me
more
and made me choose to live a happy life
truth
bold and unapologetic
when the shift happened for me i was
done letting my authentic self take a
back seat
and i took power back to my hands
i started speaking boldly about the
harassment of gay people
in my own country where we boast of
democracy
such a fast-paced nation but still holds
on to akai clause that threatened the
lives of gay people
i started speaking boldly about
companies
where if you are openly gay you are
fired instantly
yet their vision and mission statements
say equal for all
i started speaking boldly about cyber
bullying of the gay people
because of who they are and who they
choose to love
yet politicians priests religious
leaders media personalities
are not put to task for crimes of hate
like murder and rape
i knew that the freedom that i felt is
what i needed every single person in the
gay community in kenya
and in africa at large wanted to feel i
needed to give them the same freedom
that’s why i started my own organization
bold network africa
an organization that uses storytelling
to be able to inspire and tell stories
of different people in the queer
community
who have chosen to be bold for our
generation
and for the generations to come
our vision is for one day to have a free
africa
where every single person feels loved
and protected
by society and even the laws that govern
them
looking back at my own journey of
self-acceptance
it takes me back to my teenage years
where the decision to either wear sofco
jeans over a dress
or to play cops and robbers with the
boys of a pretend house with the girls
was the beginning of me yearning to be
accepted and to be loved
for who i was
when i think about that time
i think about my friend
my amazing friend who was found hanging
from the roof of his house
a 50 year old gentleman
with a suicide note for his parents
the problem lied in the same very
questions that they asked him
the questions were wrong and why i say
the questions were wrong
is because they constantly asked him
where is she
what if they took time to understand
their son and asked him where is he
maybe my friend will still be alive
i think about the many different people
in the gay community who have
contemplated suicide
and have had to go through so much
mental anguish
and i ask myself and i ask you today
what if we changed how we raised our
children
what if we taught them to love and value
themselves
for who they are and live their truth
and what if we made a promise to them
that no matter who they
are we will love them holy
for the politicians religious leaders
mothers
fathers brothers and sisters
ask yourself today would you rather
have a barely functional child
who is going through so much mental
anguish because of the different
norms that you have dictated for them
or would you rather have a successful
child
whole happy and is loved for who they
are
today i leave you with this two
different statements
that constantly encourage me and have
gotten me here
freedom lies in being bold
and choose love over hate because
love always means thank you