Finding Yourself In Difficult Decisions
[Music]
yep
finding yourself in difficult decisions
all right so let’s think about it ever
since we were born
we constantly have to make decisions in
our lives right
so i could only think of two instances
that we don’t make decisions for
ourselves and that is the time
when we are babies and the time that we
are way too old to
be aware of what’s surrounding us and
um so yet
making decisions seems to be something
very familiar to us
and yet sometimes when it comes to big
and difficult difficult decisions we
don’t know
how to deal with it or how to decide
uh make it more easier for us to choose
so let’s think about it if
it it was raining outside right and
you pull out your phone to decide
to to book wrap obviously you would go
you would want to book a crap car
because
it’ll be safer for you you wouldn’t be
wet
granted you might get to where you want
to go a little bit
um a little bit slower
but then when you think about it the
benefits of
choosing grab cards outweigh the
benefits of choosing grab buy
you see with easy decisions there is
always a better option for you to choose
so the decision making is is very very
easy
we cannot say the same thing with diff
difficult choices or difficult decisions
because in difficult decisions um
sometimes some aspects it is better but
it works in some other parts
i’ll tell you a story so last year
um we had a fashion show at the m
gallery in
indo and um
the we decided to have the catwalk
outdoors
because the surrounding was very
beautiful
the the resort is amazing and the
cenaric is
just breathtaking right so we have to
have
the runway on the out outdoors and
so we decided on the night before we
have to get this lighting system up
and the plan was the guy have to work
through the night
in the morning i would come out and
check the lighting on the
runway because when the sun
sunrise at sunrise the sky would be as
bright as when it is
in sunset which is when the show’s
supposed to take place
now little did i know it was raining
the whole night and when i woke up at
six a.m
in the morning this is what i see so of
course
i was so panicked i was very much
intent i remember around 10 a.m
i started to have an early lunch with my
husband
who is also the designer and the catwork
directors
and there was a heated debate about what
to do with the shows
my um my husband
was adamant about the fact that it would
stop running by the afternoon
so therefore we have to have the show
outside
the catwalk director on the other hand
have different
thoughts about it he was arguing that
if we were to have the show outside
right and if it was to be
raining then you have to hurdle the
audience inside
and you know like with all the ladies in
high heels they cannot run at all
so we can’t risk to have the show like
that
now me i’m caught in the middle of this
as the producer i
which way should i choose should i use
to my husband um
and risk having the show outside well
the whole point of having the
shows outdoor because of the sceneries
and there was a lot of sweat
and blood put into this to get the whole
uh
the whole show there in inktober right
if we were to have it indoors
we would have done it in saigon but on
the other hand
risking to have the audience having a
really bad experience
is not ideal either so what
what should i do but let’s pause a story
for now and then we’ll get back to it
later right now i would give you another
example
so that you it’s easier for you to be
related to
right so you are now in college
and soon you’ll be graduating and you
would have to apply for jobs
right and so say there are two jobs
offers
one that is referred by someone you know
maybe your parents may your friends um
it’s less challenging and but it offers
you a little bit
less money and the other one on the
other hand
would require you to move to relocate to
a different locations
it seems it requires you a lot more
attention
more challenging the job seems to be a
little bit more difficult
but then it offers you more money
so what should you choose well in my
experience
i could tell you a lot of people would
go
for the job that is a lot more easier
and familiar to them the job the
referral job
now why is this it is no different
than the fact that when you travel
oversea
there’s a lot of delicacy that you could
eat in that country
but you but lots of people don’t choose
to eat those
food they they go to mcdonald’s and why
is that
because mcdonald is something certain
something they are familiar with
right and because of that
um i would call this this whole i
and and because of that we don’t
want to choose the chops that require us
to
get to know the co-worker gets to know
our boss or requires us
more much more attention we we then
choose something more comprehensible to
us
now i would refer to this as the unknown
the fear of the uncertainty of the
outcomes
could bring us and for that reason
lots of us just opt for the option that
is
very easy for us to comprehend
so how do we then make the decisions
hard decisions easier by using
the class half full and have empty
analysis what i mean by that is
instead of looking at the negative part
of the class
we focus on the energy on the
on the positive part and from that point
you draw out a conclusion
a decision that is bad fits for you
so i got married six years ago
and before i got married i didn’t come
out to my parents
um i think the reason is is
only because i they are old
and a little bit conservative
and i it was never a right time for me
to do so
and um it’s not because i’m ashamed
myself because i’m out with all of my
friends and my sister
right um but then when
we decided to get married meaning that i
am
i am now facing the choice of come out
or not come out coming out
and um so
for a gay person i think coming out to
the parents
would be the most
[Music]
nerve-wracking experience that he or she
would experience
and many nights i think about
the rejections i think about
what this news would would affect my
parents
physically and mentally and i’m asking
myself
am i being too selfish to
you know exchange their reputations for
my own gain
but then again when i think about it the
more i think about it
the pursuit of happiness is actually
is available for everyone every single
one of us
regardless of who we are regardless of
our backgrounds so the fact that
i am happy with my
with my partner and i choose to lift the
rest of my
life with him i’m happy with that
decision
therefore i think my parents should be
happy for me as well
and of course you know they can um
reject or or disown me
and that’s a possibility but
i’m okay with that right and uh
luckily when i came out
my mom she opened her heart and her arms
and she welcomed us
with both hands my dad on the other hand
until today this day six years
from our marriage and we live a very
happy
um marriage like we’re i think we’re
meant for each other
let’s put it that way but
they um thank you my dad
my dad still struggling with the
thoughts of me
um being with a man instead of with a
woman
and really that is okay because on
i already prepare for this and
i think coming out is a really long
process and you have to constantly put
your efforts into it
day in and day out and with a little bit
of luck
everything gonna pans out in the end so
again using this half
the class half empty and half full
analysis
i focus on the good outcome but i also
prepare for the worst to come which is
the rejections and i act upon it
and i think if somebody else would in my
shoe
he might not choose to come out because
he focused
his energy on something totally
different
so if you think about it
by uh if you think about it by
by um using this analysis
unlocks a really cool mystery and that
is
for each decision making
the values that it comes with that
decision
is totally relative to the person who
making that decision
so um let’s get back to the
story of of the of the show so obviously
i am caught in the middle right now do i
go with my husband
do i do i listen to the catwalk director
as a matter of fact
i am the show the producer
so i don’t have to listen to either of
them it’s my decisions right
so what i did was i did i did really
want to please my husband so i continue
on
preparing the show for the outdoors but
i had to look for another location close
by
and set up a different stage for that as
well and for
for me to do that of course i have to
blow over the budget but that’s okay
that is the fight that i can take to my
husband and win and i know i can win
that
right so and again
here when focusing on the outcome
um which is having the shows outside
i then come to the conclusion that this
is what i do even though i have to spend
more money
but that is okay so
i think um
so i i think if if you really think
about it
the um tough choices
are something that we have to deal with
day in and day out
there’s no way that you have you you
cannot escape it right
so why would you always
look into the negative aspect of it
why don’t you just focus in your energy
to the good outcomes and from there
draw the best decision for you when
you’re making that decisions
today i stand here i might not be
the most successful person on the world
i’m i’m not
as rich as jack ma right but i know
exactly who i
am and i know for sure that if
life throw me anything and if i have to
make a difficult decisions
i know for the fact that i know how to
make it and
i’ll be okay with it so when you
exploring your life out there right
i encourage you to be very much
open-minded look at the issue in
different many perspective
and then you you face you
listen to advices but you should face
out the noises
because you are not putting into this
world to please everybody you cannot
please the crowd
if you are trying to please the crowd
you will be very much
miserable because they will never be
happy
and see like when you when you when you
um understand tough decisions this way
it unlocks a really cool mystery
that every that every these decisions
that you that you are making
it give you the every the the difficult
decisions that you have to make it give
you
the power to reason right
give you the power to reason therefore
give you the power to be
to shaping the your way of thinking and
in turn it makes you the person who you
are
now imagine if everything in life
everything in lives always have a better
options
then you would always reach for that one
only choose for that one
but that also mean that somebody else
put that in there for you you didn’t
make that decision
how boring would that be and who
are you at that point right
so as you grow old
you probably gonna look back into your
experience
and you might think oh okay at that
point i should have done something
a little bit a little bit differently
and that is totally okay
that is you getting old and getting
mature that’s totally fine
but i can promise you you don’t look
back with regrets
because i do believe that when you’re
making that
decision as long as you are the person
who make it
at the time it being made it’s already
optimal for you
so again focusing on
the good focusing on
the good aspect of the outcomes
when it comes to making decisions and
from there
not only that you’ll be able to draw the
best
decisions for yourself but you can also
prepare for the worst to come with it
okay
now by keep on training and doing that
you would put yourself into a driver’s
seat
and one you’re in once you are in the
driver’s seat
once you are in control of your life
then every single decision that you make
would be
optimal and that is my lesson to you
thank you very much