How should you respond when you hear a PEEP
Transcriber: Nguyen Chi
Reviewer: Hani Eldalees
Stop crying, man up.
Quit being soft
These were the words and the expressions
that my three older brothers had to
listen to and was consistently
bombarded with growing up.
See, I learned at a very early age that
the men in my life were not supposed
to express their feelings.
In fact, the men in my life were supposed
to be strong at all times,
no matter if they were experiencing
any emotional or physical pain
and had to straighten up within seconds.
This is one of the reasons why I studied
black men in mental health.
My dissertation research specifically
looked at black college male students who
dealt with suicidal ideation.
The research solely focused on
the thoughts of suicide.
Their stories impacted me deeply.
See, the six black men in my research,
all their experience mirrored
what I saw growing up.
They shared stories like, nah, you can’t
talk about suicide, they think you crazy.
Or the church told them,
You are going to hell
If they died by suicide.
Listening to their struggles with
suicidal ideation shattered me.
In fact, the notion that they felt like
they couldn’t even tell their stories
because of being dismissed,
was so disheartening.
I know in my community, mental health
is taboo, it’s uncomfortable,
but we need to have these conversations.
We need to stop being dismissive.
I know when a black man is vulnerable
enough and come to me with his issues,
I know how important it is.
I’ve witnessed how important
it is for me to listen.
And so I did, I created this space.
During my research interviews, I asked
my black male participants,
what advice would you give another black
man who’s struggling with mental health?
One of the participants said, if you
can’t make a sound, make a peep.
If you can’t make a sound, make a peep.
Wow, this quote is so profound,
in fact,
it became the title of my dissertation.
It got me thinking. What does
it mean to make a peep?
What does a peep even sound like?
Would I be able to recognize
a peep when I heard it?
All the men in my research, they
know they needed some support,
so they reached out, they made that peop.
Based on my life experience
and my research,
I created this word Peep and used
the acronym to help all of us have these
tools to help someone else who comes
to you with a mental health issue.
PEEP.
the “P” is to pause and listen.
The “E” is to elevate their voice.
The second “E” is to encourage them
to seek resources and
the last “P” is to be present.
Pause and listen.
If this means you have to turn off your
laptop if this means you have to look
away from your phone and make
direct eye contact,
then you do so, because this
person is coming to you.
They are trusting in you with this
information. So be intentional.
Once you paused and listened, elevate
their voice, validate their feelings,
let them know that they’re not alone.
The black community is going through
400 years of struggles.
Same story, different body.
So let them know that you are
here and that you hear them.
Once you elevate their voice, encourage
them to seek those resources.
Some questions you can ask. Hey, I hear
you’re having such a tough time.
Do you know anybody in the community
that can help you?
Or, we’re on campus right now,
I know there’s a counseling center,
would you like me to walk with you
to get the support you need? Or
Have you eaten today? maybe
Let’s grab a bite to eat and make a list
of all the people that can help you.
Once you encourage them to look and seek
for the resources, be present.
This means that continuous
follow up. Ask them, Hey.
I know we talked a couple of weeks ago,
are you are you doing OK?
Did you call any of those resources
that we talked about?
How rewarding and an honor it is to
be a part of that healing process.
Depression and anxiety
can happen to anyone.
A friend of mine was driving one day, it
was cold, it was dark, it was raining,
and he thought to himself. If I drive
off this road, who would miss me?
What would happen? Instantly, he
made a peep. He phoned a friend.
She paused and listen to him,
she elevated his voice,
she told him to get the resources when
it was safe and she was present with
the continuous follow up
and he is still here.
See I’m passionate about my black men,
my brothers, my nephews, my friends,
my cousins, my future husband and son.
Because when the world shows the black
men that they don’t love him,
I want them to know there is one
person that does and that’s me.
And I want to let you know that a
peep is applicable to anyone.
It could be your colleague. It could be
your spouse. It could be your child.
Because there was one point in time where
we all needed someone to pause
and listen, to elevate our voice,
to encourage us to seek those resources
and to be present with
the continuous follow up.
Peop. Thank you.