How Struggle Helps Us Grow
[Music]
[Music]
[Applause]
i’m on this large
mountain over 9 000 feet high
and i’m looking down trying to pick my
line
my mouth has gone all dry and i’m
nervous
excited and scared all at once
i’ll mention closer to the edge and i’m
also
talking to myself in my head thinking
things like
are you out of your mind this is far too
dangerous
as well as thinking just do it you’ll be
fine
there’s like a battle going on in my
mind
i start moving too late now to pull back
and off i go and i’m picking up speed
and i’m going faster and faster and i
can feel
my heart my chest going boom boom
as well as the wind in my face as i’m
carving up the snow
now my confidence is growing and so is
my smile
i skied every run on that large mountain
by the end of that day
the confidence and the freedom i felt
was liberating
i remember taking a deep breath and
having so much love
for that moment and experience
in my life i have a picture taken on
that day
that’s me the one on the left
the short one with the yellow frame
i was a very tired a very proud man of
what i accomplished
and felt amazing because only a couple
of days prior
on those lower learning slopes of the
whakapapa ski field
i honestly thought that i would be
spending
most of my time eating snow
and not skiing you see i have no balance
none
at all so
for me it would have been quite easy to
doubt my skills and my abilities
and back away from that large mountain
on that day
so how did i push past my limitations
and my fears to create
and find a new ability
on that day let’s go back in time
let’s go back to 1995. it’s the 20th of
may
and i’m 25 years old i’m a taller
version than myself
i’m six foot three or 193 centimeters
tall i love my sport and i’m fit and
strong
i really love my rugby
yet i’m only 80 kilos and i probably
should be
100 kilos to play the position i do in
my team
but i like to think i punched above my
weight
now imagine a neatly presented field
marked out as a rugby pitch surrounded
by
vehicles and people in a little country
village
on the east coast of forks bay new
zealand
there’s some amazing games of rugby on
this field
so much so that half the community come
out
to watch these epic battles between two
old rivals
great games to watch very physical
and the score is normally very close
on this particular day my team had key
personnel
either away or injured including the
regular captain
now as i was one of the senior members
of their team
and playing lots of rugby and making the
odd rep side
and captaining one of these in the past
i was asked to step up and leave my team
on the day
and of course i saw this as a great
honor and opportunity
because i had lots of friends and a few
family
surrounding their field that day so as
we let our teams out onto the field
i was very proud
the game itself was a real tough and
physical game
and we were well down on the scoreboard
we’d put up a good fight and in the
dying minutes of that game
we received the ball as a team and did a
lovely little move up the sideline
which created a bit of a break and i was
thinking cool
we could score here just before full
time just to finish on that high note
bam
instantly i knew i’d made a huge
mistake i couldn’t breathe
and the pain was incredible
i remember lying on that cold wet
muddy rugby ground yelling out
help help
please help me but for some reason no
one could hear me
and it was then that i realized because
i couldn’t breathe
my voice was actually barely
a whisper as the four or five men
that were on top of me got up and looked
at me
they immediately knew that i was in
dangerous trouble
so everyone stopped the game and radioed
for the emergency helicopter
i had severely and critically
dislocated my neck
i was struggling to breathe and in
severe pain
it took over an hour for that helicopter
to reach me
and as they were loading me up into it
the doctor who traveled with it asked me
if i had had
any pain relief i said no
so he gave me some medicine and i
finally
passed out
i woke up five days later and i honestly
thought that i was in a bad dream
now some of you here would have woken up
after a terrible
experience and just hoped that it wasn’t
true
i woke up not being able to move
anything
not my hands all my arms
all my legs nothing
i remember lying in that hospital bed
feeling very very scared and very
vulnerable
it only felt like moments before that i
was a strong
fit young 25 year old man who
could do a physical job all day
and then run a half marathon if i chose
to not being able to do anything for
myself
i couldn’t even feed myself and i
couldn’t go to the toilet by myself
now for this shy young country boy
that was big right there
how was i going to survive this
why am i telling you the story
because we all have tough times in our
lives
we all have some sort of challenge
struggle
or adversity at some point in our lives
mine just happens to be that i
dislocated my neck
and it’s put me in this chair
so why does that matter because these
challenges
struggles and these difficulties
bring potential gifts
so what might look like my disability
actually has
the potential to reveal new
abilities that i hadn’t seen before
new abilities instead of disabilities
i quite like that
i truly believe that these challenges
struggles and problems are given to us
so that we can
grow and expand by being pushed
and pulled to what we are individually
meant to create in this lifetime
when i started to reframe my tough times
i started to think in a way that was far
greater
than my problems
and when we learn this way of thinking
we can actually create a life that we
love
regardless of the challenges
or perceived disabilities that we might
be facing
the thing is though fear is a very
powerful emotion
and i was frozen and terrified
with fear lying in that hospital bed
and yes there was a big part of me that
just wanted to
hide under the covers and let life
happen
and believe me i wanted to stay angry
and sad
and go why me
why but
when i looked down that road all i could
see
was this sad angry bitter young man
and i knew i didn’t want that for my
life
so i chose the other road
and that was to find the courage to face
whatever fears
i had and get up out of that bed
and do what i could with what i had
and believe me it wasn’t much at the
beginning
but by doing what i could with what i
had i
soon came to realize an experience that
there is this power
inside of me and you
that is far greater than anything
any challenge or any condition that i
might be facing
and when i learned this way of thinking
it gave me the courage not to just ski
down large mountains
but it also gave me the courage to step
out here on this stage today
and it gave me the courage to ask this
beautiful young lady out not just once
though she did smile but until she
succumbed to my chance
and agreed to be my wife
see the thing at the time of my accident
i was this 25 year old man who
only thought he was good at physical
things
i had this ego that was constantly
trying
to prove to myself that i was good
enough on the rugby field
or good enough on the farm or good
enough
out drinking with my mates and then in a
split second
that one thing that i thought i was good
at was taken away
and i couldn’t even scratch my nose and
i had doctors telling me
that i would never walk again or push a
wheelchair
now it’s important not to listen to that
right there
because i proved them wrong i pushed out
of that hospital
and i started creating little goals and
visions for myself
and i soon came to realize that there is
a way of thinking
that is far greater than my physical
being
all my conditions situation
that i could be in and
there’s a way to think and a power that
we can partner with
that is far greater than anything
we are only limited by the way we think
it’s not what you see it’s how you
see it that truly matters
so as a result of changing my limited
thinking
and learning how to create a life i love
i can honestly say
that i am more confident and happier
today
than before my accident all because
i changed my thinking
yes i’ve had some ups and downs i’ve had
some bad days
along the way but i found that if you’re
willing to look for it
there is always a silver lining i
came to meet and fall in love with the
woman of my dreams
we are parents of four amazing children
we ran a large sheep and beef farm
together
which so many people said that i
wouldn’t be able to do
at the time of my accident we have
travelled the world
and even water ski on heron lake
in london
i have white water rafter canoed
paraglided
ab sailed of tomato peak
paraglided sorry and scuba dived with
the sharks in the napier aquarium
and that’s just to name a few i have a
beautiful
grandson and a beautiful granddaughter
and no doubt more to come
life is good my health is great
even though i’m in a wheelchair and my
relationships
are fantastic i honestly feel blessed to
wake up to another brand new day
in what we call this experience good
life
now i’m not telling you all this to
impress you but to actually impress upon
you that
if i can do it you can do it
we can all live into our own greatness
yes i truly do believe that our
challenges struggles and our problems
are
given to us so that we can discover
our own individual expression
of that one true ability in this world
so ironically it was there all along
because it’s the way we think and i’ve
found that if i think with more love
for my family and for myself
and my life and my friends
and if i think for more love
for humanity and the environment
then i become happier
so the key is to learn
to use our minds properly so that we
can push past our limitations and our
fears
and creating that life that we love
thank you
[Music]
you