How to overcome the small self and step into a flourishing life
[Music]
[Music]
there are
crucial moments in our lives times when
we make a decision
that can have an incremental or a
seismic outcome
it alters our life trajectory
who we are who we can
be the significance of these moments is
of our own
making it is our choice entirely
to step forward or to remain in the
place of comfort
of familiarity our place of safety
and maybe even the place that sheltered
us when we were newly fledged
or the place we learn to return to even
if we’ve outgrown it
is where our life stays small
for me this place is my childhood
bedroom
a place that now exists only in memory
how can we create these crucial decisive
moments
ourselves how can we step around
what might hold us back from the small
version of life
i’m kirsty foster i’m an adventurer an
expedition leader
a creative and an explorer of human
potential
for over 20 years i’ve worked with
groups and individuals
in remote wilderness mountains desert
jungle with tribal people in remote
communities
i’ve walked in nature in the footsteps
of animal
and human alike stood in mega cities and
worked
integrally in my home community
a key element of my work is immersive
visceral
experience it is real
grounded intentional imperfect
not some theoretical idea
this creates space for learning offers
different perspectives
enables individuals to grow
exponentially
i have sought to continually learn and
grow alongside those i’ve worked with
this gives me fuel and dynamism for my
journey
as a girl of 14 i was too scared to go
on school trips
sometimes i would register to attend
then i would find an excuse
not to go mostly i didn’t even sign
up it wasn’t because i didn’t have
dreams and aspirations
but my life was small and unexercised
i hadn’t connected with or activated my
potential
i wasn’t even aware that it was innate
or latent
within me or that i could step out into
so many experiences and places in the
world
instead i was caught in ideas and
projections of my own making
that made the world seem too frightening
too challenging for me
sometimes i imagine going back to my 14
year old self
usually at times when i have a challenge
or an area of growth to make
she is there in the attic room with
slanting walls
in my childhood home it’s sunday night
and she’s recording the charts from the
radio and a cassette player
with a finger poised on the pause record
button
the room is colorful with posters quotes
from literature
lyrics from songs from the window i can
see a sliver of the sea in the distance
i go to her and say look what i
am doing now we’ll laugh together
she is the essence of me my ungrown self
the one who is most able to acknowledge
who i am
and most importantly where i have
travelled from
recognizing my past self doesn’t make me
feel like an imposter
in my current life instead it is an
expression of joy
an acknowledgement of the choices made
the summation of what brings me here
in the present i’m viewed in the light
of my accumulated experience my skills
capability and capacity
the external reading of me of what i
bring
only my 14 year old self and i
inhabit my inner world and know the
route i have travelled
in march 2020 like all travellers
i was grounded for my usual outward
activity
the usual face-to-face work with a group
of people getting on a flight
adjusting to a new place another
continent
language time zone a newness of
experience
this was curtailed all the usual
physical
mental and emotional stretches of myself
were tempered
changed instead i galvanized all the
learning
perspective and insight in different
ways
i delved into my creative side and
immersed in the natural world
as we all in our own different
experiences of lockdown
became more inwardly focused
i found myself casting back to my 14
year old self
and began exploring how this teenager
with agrophobic tendencies
unable to go on school trips became an
international traveler
a leader facilitator and creative force
with a deep
rich history of experience ripe with
tall tales and escapades from across
six continents how can i distill and
decant this
in a way that would enable others to
activate it in their own way
to step into their potential and create
their own
broad story
i’m a regular runner not because i’m a
purist or hardened athlete
primarily it burns off the cake and
biscuits i eat
most importantly it creates a space for
mental buffering
processing allowing my brain to go into
free fall
i run in the early morning i’m not keen
at all to get out of bed
i get dressed leave the house and start
running
my method is to get up quickly dress
step out of the house and close the door
before i have the opportunity
to procrastinate and persuade myself
other ways with all the versions i can
creatively muster
it takes direct and swift action to get
ahead of my negativity
which can be a skillful and creative
gatekeeper
i always feel better on return i have a
sense of having won over myself
immediately at the start of the day
as of my work my daily start point is
experiential
creating actual visceral memory in the
body
there is something about stepping
outside that door each day
of continually having to repeat that
action pushing against my own negative
inclinations
all the ways my fast clever brain gets
going
with all the reasons why i should delay
wait until later
not go running at all by running swiftly
my negativity has little time to
persuade me otherwise and stops
its efforts if i linger
i can become immersed in negativity
my exploration began looking into
negativity in the widest terms
how it inflects on human experience the
answer i found was immediate and
definite
and made me feel better better it was
not just me
having an excess of negative voice
within me
neuroscience has long understood that
humans have a negativity bias
an asymmetry in the way that we make
sense of the world
using positive and negative information
the reason and purpose for this is to
protect us
and enable us to respond to risk and
danger
negative experiences and thoughts take
precedence in our considerations
even if there are equal positive
elements
so we naturally coalesce with these
negative predispositions
that keep us safe and alert but can
prevent us
from giving proper consideration and
acknowledgement to the positives in life
in addition to our negative
predisposition every thought we have
releases chemicals which affect us
when we have positive thoughts the body
produces serotonin
which creates a feeling of well-being it
increases creative thinking
it can widen our attention span and
change our perception from a focus on me
to we in our brain
the prefrontal cortex is where all mind
and brain functions converge to be
distributed
this area of the brain reflects the
impact of thinking patterns and related
chemical release
at a physiological level
when happy thoughts occur the prefrontal
cortex enforces
existing synapses and creates new ones
these can enable the brain to make new
connections
new predispositions that reflect in the
body
and experience of the individual
producing new
neural connections and pathways
whereas when negative feelings are
experienced the brain
draws metabolic energy from the
prefrontal cortex
meaning it can’t perform at high or even
normal function
which can make it difficult to take in
new things also to think creatively
these negative feelings when they are
experienced consistently
can alter the plasticity of the limbic
system
which has been found to manage feelings
of motivation
reward learning as well as fight
flight and hormones that regulate the
immune system
so negative thoughts have a profound
effect chemically emotionally
and manifest in lesson well-being and
immune system response
negative thoughts it seems are far more
toxic than i realized
the internal battle we undertake is
working to combat
a persuasive predisposition that through
being hardwired to protect us
can also hold us back
how can we use all of this as fuel for
the journey forward in life
we can thankfully counteract this and
create our own
new positive connections and pathways we
can
hardwire ourselves to think positively
and therefore create more serotonin
more positivity and therefore more
capacity to be creative
to be other to be courageous
in the study of human brain development
it was thought that only in childhood
was the brain malleable to new learning
santiago cacao considered the father of
neuroscience
coined the term neuroplasticity long
before evidence of this emerged in the
latter 20th century
learning a new ability repeated
experiences
and regularly practicing something all
make systemic
adjustments in the brain showing its
plasticity
its dynamism to grow and orient in
different ways
so despite our primal negative
predisposition
we can positively orient ourselves at
any age
and utilize our profound brain
capabilities to do so
i could still be that girl in the
bedroom i might be a nice person
creative thoughtful desire the greatest
happiness for all
i will be a small flame hidden from view
without the ability
to grow and fully share without the
tools to propel or fulfill myself
i would like to draw to conclusion with
an encouragement to utilize
a lifelong ability to learn and flourish
to make
the choice to resist the internal
negative voice
however persuasive and encompassing and
step out
to take a step you do not need to embark
on travel to remote and exotic places
but experience exactly where you are
exactly as
you are there is no need to be
superhuman
or compare yourself to others instead
all you need to do is immerse in your
own inner wilderness and forge your path
armed only with persistence patience and
repetition
no other specialist tools and knowledge
are needed
other than all you innately have all
that
is liminal latent waiting to be
stimulated
my 14 year old self eventually stepped
out and went on an experiment in life
with no set destination other than to
work with people and create value
and here i am my journey continues
i am not remarkable i have my own unique
potential to activate as
each of us do i overcame my internal
resistance
my negativity which had grown to
himalayan proportions
before i could actually scale a
himalayan mountain in person
in undertaking this journey in training
myself in these inner realms
i know i will never be so stuck again
that things will not be straightforward
that i can
create a happy fulfilling way ahead
and that i can create my flourishing
future
alongside others the view is amazing out
here
come see for yourself