Tear down your inner walls to live a life truly seen.
so
i had it all a good husband
two amazing kids a successful career
beautiful house and world travel
i’d worked so hard and done everything
life in society had told me to do in
order to be fulfilled and happy
on the outside it all looked really
yet when i stopped to take a breath and
checked inside
i was dying i had everything
but when i looked around i couldn’t
actually feel it all because i was
behind this wall
i felt completely alone i was depressed
and off purpose
there was this pull inside of me
something i had to trust that this
wasn’t it
i knew there had to be more but i had no
idea how to get to
wherever i wanted to go wherever that
was
and more importantly i’d shut everything
out
i’d built up these walls inside myself
that wasn’t allowing life
in it’s true for a lot of us that we put
up walls to protect ourselves but
then this also blocks us from our true
selves and potentials
i know exactly when i started to build
up my walls
i’d like to invite you to travel back in
time with me to a small town in texas in
i’m almost four years old and have just
had my tonsils
removed i’m in the utility room in my
house and my mom is
giving me a bath in the sink
i remember her asking me a question and
i try to answer her
except something isn’t right i can’t
seem to get the words out
you see when the doctors were doing the
operation to remove my tonsils
they clipped the bottom of my tongue
which then made it very awkward to speak
from that moment forward my life went
from carefree
to one of constant struggle
i literally and figuratively
lost the voice of my childhood
i developed a stutter and you’d find me
a lot of days on the school playground
being bullied and teased i was called
stupid and dumb
you know that feeling of just wanting to
fit in and be like everybody else
that was me wanting to connect and
belong yet over and over
i was left on the outside i desperately
wanted to be included
in order to protect myself from the hurt
and shame
i slowly built a wall around my heart to
keep the pain
out so this became my pattern
if i was teased or embarrassed i would
retreat inside myself a little more
distance myself from life and others
until eventually
the wall protected me from really
feeling anything
by the time i left for college i could
speak without a stutter for the most
part and
still tripped over words as i sometimes
do even now
but the wall was still there
the ability to keep the pain at bay was
firmly
in place
we put up walls to stop the pain but you
see
if you don’t allow pain in you don’t let
the great experiences
in either like joy
and you end up being lonely and
disconnected
the walls can often look like other
things like
trying to be more perfect you know if i
can do more and be
more then maybe i could be seen and
heard
and loved maybe you
overeat or under eat perhaps you
overgive
maybe you drink a little too much or
you’re just trying to be nice to
everyone
whatever it is that you are using to
protect yourself from the pain
is a wall
i was in this cycle of wanting to
connect but
couldn’t so i try to do better be more
perfect but
that wasn’t the answer either so i
retreated more and more
inside myself i was moving through life
all in my head and i was completely shut
off from what my heart and soul
truly desired
so the universe decided to give me
opportunities for my growth
have you had these experiences too
everything began to fall apart
including the massive wall inside
my marriage broke down my kids were
being bullied in school
i was done with my line of work i was
chronically exhausted
i had to take two hour naps just to make
it through the day
i knew i had to find a different way or
i wasn’t going to survive
i’ve always been a seeker
i have a phd in personal growth
can any of you relate to that
so i studied i studied everything i
could around
personal development and spirituality i
took numerous courses and retreats
i was a meditator and i did that
for hours at a time
this process takes time it just does
but the wall that i had built up over my
entire lifetime
was finally breaking down
wasn’t always easy i go to bed
one of two ways with tears
that i wasn’t connected and feeling like
i never would be
or i’d go to bed determined to try and
do it better tomorrow
but what i found on the other side was
more than worth the tears
i was beginning to connect to myself
you’ve heard the expression everything
isn’t falling apart it’s
actually falling together and so i began
to rebuild myself
instead of a wall
the first time through i’d done
everything in my mind with strategy and
thinking things through with protection
and barriers this time
life was teaching me to do this through
my heart
and not just my head
i went from trying to control everything
so i could be prepared and
ward off any unwanted feelings to
holy i’m feeling everything and it
all just hurts
two wow
what i came to understand is that i was
learning
how to connect to myself and i learned
you have to know how to connect to
yourself first before you can connect
with
others but then after that
you feel connected to everything
and i discovered a process that makes
this possible anytime every time
and i call it listen trust
act and the first step
is listen and it begins with connecting
to you when you begin to truly
listen to yourself you start to build
this deep connection to you
and it feels like coming home
by learning to come back into your heart
you find that thing we know a source
that place of true power your power
i couldn’t really define it as
connection at the time
but each time i let myself get in tune
with me
the deepest yearnings of me the wall
inside broke apart a little more there
was more space for me to come back home
to
i was able to access more of myself and
hear
what i was intuiting intuition is one of
the biggest assets
we don’t use enough of but it’s always
speaking to us
if we learn to listen
and the feeling of being alone started
to go away
it was instead replaced with deep
self-love for myself
each time i allowed myself to go inward
and feel
the pain would be replaced with
connection
and love layer after
sad layer would be lifted and joy
would be left in its place
the poet rumi says be full of sorrow
that you may become hill of joy weep
that you may break into laughter
the second step i discovered is trust
so when the pieces of me started to come
back together
i found that there’s this greater energy
of life supporting all of us
and it doesn’t matter what you call it
spirit
universe nature goddess god
those spaces in between us are real and
viable
and are always up under us wanting only
the highest and best for us
but i had to learn how to trust outside
of my mind
at a level that was closer to my heart
what i would hear when i was listening
did not always make
logical sense to me but this deeper
knowing
was asking me to trust what was coming
through
one day it told me i was writing a book
so i trusted that
and i did write my book in seven hours
the destiny path being alone
to coming home
and we always have a choice in these
situations
i could have chosen not to cancel my
appointments that day and not
follow through what was being asked of
me
but instead i chose to trust
and in that something magical
came through and the final step
is act your outer world is not going to
change if you don’t take action steps to
create something different in your life
again it’s about connection and choosing
to engage with life that’s heart
and not just head i knew there had to be
people out there who could deeply see
and
understand me and when i began to build
connection to myself without the wall
i then had the inner capacity to connect
with others in a more
vulnerable way
when you shift your inner experiences
your outer world starts to change
i now have connections with others that
are incredibly authentic
and at a depth level i knew was possible
i now know how to ask and receive
support
and i can offer it as well without over
giving
or trying to do it perfectly
you learn to act in a way that’s in
alignment with what you truly desire
but it’s a choice and it’s a practice
and in my action i shifted careers and
i’m now on purpose with my life and no
longer go to bed with
two not so good options
i now go to bed in a tremendous amount
of gratitude
love in my heart and a freedom
i never knew could have existed before
it is possible to live in a state of
wonder and grace
with the flow of life we are all meant
to live in connection to ourselves and
with each other
this is how we are designed before we
start building up the walls that stops
everything from flowing
now when i feel pain it moves through
sometimes it takes a moment sometimes it
takes a bit of time
but i am no longer afraid
we build our walls well and this world
doesn’t teach us how to build
connections with each other
or even show us how we can live without
walls
and the process while it needs learning
is simple listen
trust act
and i’d like to share with you now three
other words
that are very effective in building
connection
these are three equally simple words but
incredibly powerful
and no it’s not those three words
now these three words are i see you
i see you
you can say this to your loved ones
either in person
or through a screen
how do you think this would affect the
homeless person that you pass
on the street and maybe sometimes ignore
what if you said to them in your mind or
even out loud
i see you
it changes worlds and it creates
incredible connection
you can say this to yourself in the
mirror
a life without walls without your inner
barriers allows you to create
the outer life you want and not the one
that
society says that you should have but
the one that’s unique and designed
especially for you in ways you cannot
even imagine
but wait maybe just
imagine it because it’s yours to have
if you so choose
i see you listen
trust and act
thank you