3 ways to be a better ally in the workplace Melinda Epler
In 2013, I was an executive
at an international engineering firm
in San Francisco.
It was my dream job.
A culmination of all the skills
that I’ve acquired over the years:
storytelling, social impact,
behavior change.
I was the head of marketing and culture
and I worked with the nation’s
largest health care systems,
using technology and culture change
to radically reduce
their energy and water use
and to improve their social impact.
I was creating real change in the world.
And it was the worst
professional experience of my life.
I hit the glass ceiling hard.
It hurt like hell.
While there were bigger issues,
most of what happened
were little behaviors and patterns
that slowly chipped away
at my ability to do my work well.
They ate away at my confidence,
my leadership, my capacity to innovate.
For example, my first
presentation at the company.
I walk up to the front of the room
to give a presentation on the strategy
that I believe is right for the company.
The one they hired me to create.
And I look around the room
at my fellow executives.
And I watch as they
pick up their cell phones
and look down at their laptops.
They’re not paying attention.
As soon as I start to speak,
the interruptions begin
and people talk over me
again and again and again.
Some of my ideas are flat out dismissed
and then brought up
by somebody else and championed.
I was the only woman in that room.
And I could have used an ally.
Little behaviors and pattern like this,
every day, again and again,
they wear you down.
Pretty soon, my energy
was absolutely tapped.
At a real low point, I read an article
about toxic workplace culture
and microaggressions.
Microaggressions –
everyday slights, insults,
negative verbal
and nonverbal communication,
whether intentional or not,
that impede your ability
to do your work well.
That sounded familiar.
I started to realize
that I wasn’t failing.
The culture around me was failing me.
And I wasn’t alone.
Behaviors and patterns like this
every day affect underrepresented people
of all backgrounds in the workplace.
And that has a real impact
on our colleagues, on our companies
and our collective capacity to innovate.
So, in the tech industry,
we want quick solutions.
But there is no magic wand
for correcting diversity and inclusion.
Change happens one person at a time,
one act at a time, one word at a time.
We make a mistake
when we see diversity and inclusion
as that side project over there
the diversity people are working on,
rather than this work inside all of us
that we need to do together.
And that work begins
with unlearning what we know
about success and opportunity.
We’ve been told our whole lives
that if we work hard,
that hard work pays off,
we’d get what we deserve,
we’d live our dream.
But that isn’t true for everyone.
Some people have to work 10 times as hard
to get to the same place
due to many barriers
put in front of them by society.
Your gender, your race, your ethnicity,
your religion, your disability,
your sexual orientation,
your class, your geography,
all of these can give you more
of fewer opportunities for success.
And that’s where allyship comes in.
Allyship is about understanding
that imbalance in opportunity
and working to correct it.
Allyship is really seeing
the person next to us.
And the person missing,
who should be standing next to us.
And first, just knowing
what they’re going through.
And then, helping them succeed
and thrive with us.
When we work together to develop
more diverse and inclusive teams,
data shows we will be more innovative,
more productive and more profitable.
So, who is an ally?
All of us.
We can all be allies for each other.
As a white, cisgendered woman
in the United States,
there are many ways I’m very privileged.
And some ways I’m not.
And I work hard every day
to be an ally for people
with less privilege than me.
And I still need allies, too.
In the tech industry,
like in many industries,
there are many people
who are underrepresented,
or face barriers and discrimination.
Women, people who are nonbinary –
so people who don’t necessarily
identify as man or woman –
racial and ethnic minorities,
LGBTQIA, people
with disabilities, veterans,
anybody over age 35.
(Laughter)
We have a major bias toward youth
in the tech industry.
And many others.
There is always someone
with less privilege than you.
On this stage, in this room.
At your company, on your team,
in your city or town.
So, people are allies
for different reasons.
Find your reason.
It could be for the business case,
because data shows
diverse and inclusive teams
will be more productive,
more profitable and more innovative.
It could be for fairness
and social justice.
Because we have a long history
of oppression and inequity
that we need to work on together.
Or it could be for your kids,
so your kids grow up
with equal opportunities.
And they grow up creating
equal opportunities for others.
Find your reason.
For me, it’s all three.
Find your reason and step up
to be there for someone who needs you.
So, what can you do as an ally?
Start by doing no harm.
It’s our job as allies to know what
microaggressions are and to not do them.
It’s our job as allies
to listen, to learn,
to unlearn and to relearn,
and to make mistakes and to keep learning.
Give me your full attention.
Close your laptops,
put down your cellphones
and pay attention.
If somebody is new or the only
person in the room like them,
or they’re just nervous,
this is going to make a huge difference
in how they show up.
Don’t interrupt.
Underrepresented people
are more likely to be interrupted,
so just take a step back and listen.
Echo and attribute.
If I have a great idea,
echo my idea and then attribute it to me,
and we thrive together.
Learn the language I use
to describe my identity.
Know how to pronounce my name.
Know my pronouns – he, she, they.
Know the language I use to describe
my disability, my ethnicity, my religion.
This really matters to people,
so if you don’t know, just ask.
Listen and learn.
An executive told me recently
that after doing allyship on his team,
the whole team started to normalize
calling themselves out and each other out
for interrupting.
“I’m so sorry I’m interrupting
you right now, carry on.”
“Hey, she’s got
a great idea, let’s listen.”
Number two, advocate
for underrepresented people in small ways.
Intervene; you can change
the power dynamics in the room.
If you see somebody is the only
person in the room like them
and they are being belittled,
they are being interrupted,
do something, say something.
Invite underrepresented people to speak.
And say no to panels
without underrepresented speakers.
Refer someone for a job
and encourage them to take that job
and to take new opportunities.
And this one’s really important –
help normalize allyship.
If you’re a person with privilege,
it’s easier for you
to advocate for allies.
So use that privilege to create change.
Three, change someone’s
life significantly.
So, be there for somebody
throughout their career.
Mentor or sponsor them,
give them opportunities as they grow.
Volunteer – volunteer for a STEM program,
serving underserved youth.
Transform your team
to be more diverse and inclusive.
And make real commitments
to creating change here.
Hold yourself and your team
accountable for creating change.
And lastly,
help advocate for change
across your company.
When companies teach
their people to be allies,
diversity and inclusion
programs are stronger.
You and I can be allies for each other,
whether we’re inside or outside of work.
So, I realized recently
that I still have lingering shame and fear
from that moment in my career
when I felt utterly alone,
shut out and unsupported.
There are millions of people out there,
like me, right now, feeling that way.
And it doesn’t take much
for us to be there for each other.
And when we’re there for each other,
when we support one another,
we thrive together.
And when we thrive, we build better teams,
better products and better companies.
Allyship is powerful.
Try it.
Thank you.
(Applause)