Its okay to be me
um
thank you everybody for having us today
um i’m richie from awesometistic and for
the last 34 years i felt an absolute
freaking weirdo
and it was until i got diagnosed with my
autism two years ago that i decided to
believe in myself and open my business
which is awesome tastic
today i’m going to tell you a little
story it’s open and honest and i wear my
heart me sleeve
and it is a little bit sad but obviously
i turn all that around and try and
triumph when i was two and a half i was
adopted because of child abuse and
neglect and my parents left us in the
house for three days by myself
and i was all beaten up and stuff and i
went into the hospital um
by the way i have to just touch this
spot because i forgot to touch it before
because i said i wanted to be in the
middle
um okay so back on the game
right yes so obviously that wasn’t a
very nice time and i got put into k and
i’ve got i got well in things and then i
got adopted and sadly when i got adopted
with these parents i didn’t strive with
these and i had a very child
um troubled childhood bringing up
because not knowing i had autism at the
time a lot of things were things like um
i wish i never got you you’re thick and
stupid um they used to say i’m going to
send you back
i used to wet the bed and used to show
me like my friends that i used to work
the bed and stuff
and asked because i couldn’t strive to
get with these people because of my
adoption i had a detachment disorder
and what happened is i am i needed a
space not understanding who i was but in
this toilet what happened is
like i told you i’m very open and honest
i used to play with poo and i have been
doing that for the last 25 years
um without knowing why and it was
because of the smell and the feeling of
all this texture and stuff
but try and use your little imagination
here when your dad doesn’t understand
what’s going on and you open that door
you come out with air and he sees this
kind of behavior
even wayne in the sink or whatever it is
is you get wrong in a particular way and
i don’t you want to speak for that man
but
try and use your imagination how wrong
that i got but what i did learn that day
was a lesson in what that lesson was is
what socially accepted to show you guys
and what i actually really need to do
when i was not very confident myself and
i was only a tiny little lad
and i realized well what i can do is in
that toilet when i’m doing them kind of
things i can clean it all up and
absolutely fine when i come out of there
my dad looks and goes oh well that
butter can sorted him out that’s
absolutely fine that
problem solved but that problem wasn’t
solved i really realized that in this
toilet is a safe place and i used to do
a lot of things like um smell tissue
paper
and the tissue that was in there bang me
head off the back of the base and i used
to hit myself on the back of the head
like this all of the time
when i was in the bath i used to do it
and i quickly learned that i’m gonna
have to start getting the grips with
what i can show everybody else and what
i need to do and i created this little
boy called presentation rich and that
was the presentation that i was gonna
show to everybody um
and what i would do is i’d compress that
at school and i’d come across like i was
a bit like the naughty lad at school and
i’d come across i was
like hyperactive people used to say i
had adhd that i can’t drink pop and coke
and things like that
i quickly learned some other life
lessons that i am i didn’t want to be in
house with these people so what i would
do is i’d run home but i want to go out
and play with friends straight away but
i couldn’t play out with my friend
straightway because they all have their
lovely family tea
so i quickly realized right well what
i’ll need to do is i’ll have to put a
little cookie box and in this big field
i had this little box that was locked up
and stuff
and a little tupperware box when we cut
me in i’d run home from school
microwavable chips
shove some fish fingers in jump over the
fence and then sit and eat me tea
because i didn’t want to be in the
household because this is where
things would like i’d get hit and things
nearly pushed down the stairs smashed my
bedroom up and it was horrible
um but then i quickly learned another
lesson that actually if i go home and
i’m dirty
then they’re going to kick off that i’ve
got dirty clothes in the tired of
washing them all the time so then
therefore i would find the puddles and
i’d go down to this little railway track
and i used to wash all my clothes in
there
and it just built up and up and up and
up and now obviously we’ve been 35 i got
really good at compressing myself but it
wasn’t until i got diagnosed with my
autism when
obviously it says it’s okay to be me
that i realize that i need to start
showing this
and what it is is the box of tricks that
i had so we have i’ve got a box over
here which has got lots of um
like different types of sensory items
and squidgies and all these type of
stuff but my box was a box that had
measurements in it it had a cassette
player in there
which is something i used to stim off um
which had like a little bit of ribbon in
here that i would steam off and i
kind of burned my fingers off it um and
what would happen is i created this draw
inside my bedroom this hidden drawer and
i even created my own nappy as well
because i was tired of wetting the bed
and getting my friends showing it and i
quite become more self-aware and more
self-aware
so sadly i didn’t have a box that looked
a little bit like this one here which is
what everybody grows up in this lovely
sensory world
but that was my sensory box and because
of that that’s what made us feel like a
freak and i started looking over my
shoulder to see why people were staring
at us and then all of the other boys and
girls
were doing the same and what i found out
is surprise surprise as i was going and
i was having a troubled childhood
i didn’t get any gcses the g like the
ones between e and c the other gcses
that i got were um
g for german f for french g for
geography um and d
for drama so i thought that was pretty
cool because all of them kinda rhymed
um so that was pretty good a lot of
people i’ve met when i’ve been doing
these stuff is is that you can compress
at home and then they let it all out at
school or they’ll compress it um it’s
school and let it all out at home
but for me i didn’t really have that
escape because at school i felt like a
freak and at home i felt like a freaking
because i felt very alone all my life i
didn’t have anywhere to go
um and my first job was a job at frankie
and benny’s when i got that job
i quickly realized that being really
hyperactive and being center of
attention got us a lot of friends
because in that social government on a
night time when everybody’s busy and
stuff and he buzzing around all of them
tables
everybody’s starting to like us but what
they didn’t really realize is that i was
still going to the toilet
um and playing with like stuff like
tillwalls and stuff because of that
sensory stuff so every time i would do
that that would make us feel a bit like
a freak and a weirdo again and again and
again
um and there’s only so much a human
brain can take before you have a
meltdown
in my meltdown hit rock bottom try to
commit suicide twice
i started self-harm on me i am me
backing me legs um i started into the
gambling i’ve spent three or four
thousand pound in the boogies
um and it was really going down and down
and down i was on loads of
anti-psychotic medication it was all
going more medication more medication
and i remember this one time
i took 90 pound seat model 90 ibuprofen
and a bottle of pursuer and i took it
all in one go and it didn’t do the job
thankfully and i remember waking up the
next day i thought rich somebody’s got
to try in there and look after yourself
and you need to you need to do this
and i woke up that dna says i’m going to
show everybody that i’m strong and i
started doing seven years worth of
therapy
and that’s 73 i did i’m cognitive
therapy cbt cat therapy group therapy
one to one
and i really worked really really hard
and i came out and this is when i
started realizing that um you know when
i say his life finds a way i’m a big
believer that um
things happen for a reason and when i
first believe it or not what happened is
i phoned the service called after
adoption
and the first time i phoned them in the
same hour and the same day my birthman
phoned that person
and says oh hi i’m looking for this lady
and i obviously told her name he’s oh we
just had this person on the phone i was
like no we
and that was the moment that i realized
that things are going to start happening
for a reason and when i’ve met her
and the first thing she said was rich
just let you know when i had you i used
to cut myself
and i thought oh well i’ll go home and
do that because that’s what my mom’s
doing that’s why i want to live and that
started like doing that all over again
and things
so that even went more spiral time with
conversation went down down and down
even when i was seeing some of the
professionals i mean i don’t know if
anybody’s seen the film lost boys but
when somebody would say rich right
thank you for coming the session what’s
your favorite film i’d say the lost boys
he says that because you feel like a
lost boy
it didn’t actually have anything to do
with that because it’s a bloodsucking
vampire film and it’s absolutely
fantastic
um so that kind of confused and i
quickly learned i just have to be on
there and people say yeah i’m all right
thanks and just tell people what they
want to hear
all of the time again compressing myself
and whatnot and then after that
i kind of came out with that phone and i
came on top of myself i thought
if my birth parents walk through this
door now i would not be bothered i’d
probably give my high five because i’m
very grateful for the life that they
give us because i’m standing in front of
you guys doing what i do
and what it was is i thought well i’m
going to prove to everybody out there
that i’m not thinking stupid that i’m
going to go and get a qualification
what’s really weird about the days is
actually i used to come to newcastle
college
um and i blagged myself on when i was 28
on the newcastle college course um
b-tech level three um and he says rich i
tell you what if you get student a year
i’ll give you an ipad
i say it’s right no problem so i’ve got
a student here and i’ve got three years
in a row and i’ve got 57 distinctions
and i’ve got a full foundation degree
mechanical manufacturing engineering and
one
and i basically got the highest
qualification that like score that you
can get and it still stands i made a
handout
device which was had a 3d printed drill
and things i just did that
to prove and i impressed them that much
they actually gave us a job and i worked
here for a little while
so that was quite cool so that being
around i turned my life around a little
bit more and i thought right
well why don’t i try for some kids so me
and me porter tried for some kids and
sadly that didn’t work
and this one again when things happen
for a reason and we went down the ivf
route
the second attempt on the first two
didn’t work sorry and then the third
attempt
um it did work so everything’s going
really well but then sadly we lost it
quite late in
um and it’s going to sound really
bizarre but i’m really proud that we’re
lost i’m really grateful that we lost
that child because i’ve now adopted my
own two children
and when me growing up being adopted and
then to adopt some children
and that was really cool and that’s been
like a long ambition for me
this is still without being diagnosed
with autism by the way because i was
great at brain presentation which
because at home
i still wouldn’t show the person i was
with that i was doing all these things i
was still going into cupboards smelling
magazines playing with sellotapes i mean
masking tapes which i’ve got over there
i’ve got all big different types of
smell and stuff
um and it was until after my daughter
had a really loud scream and my daughter
had this big big scream and i thought
why am i getting so angry so i thought
right
what i’ll do is i’ll go to the doctor’s
because i know when i need some help
i’ll go to the doctors and ask because
i’m proud
when he says rich i think he might have
this thing called autism
sadly i don’t have a long time to
explain this to you but there’s a big
part of that chapter that it was really
hard to learn myself over that 18 months
and when i was long story short for that
when i got diagnosed
um in front of this doctor he said it
was rich you’ve definitely got autism
and i’m so sorry
again things have no reason that person
that diagnosed was the same person i’d
seen as 10 years beforehand
and he turned around and said he’s sorry
so when i was getting diagnosed he said
it was rich you’ve got this insight that
i’ve never seen before and that insight
is because of the life that you’ve had
that you’ve been so scared and you’ve
became so self-aware because you’re
scared of what everybody else in this
room thinks of you
that you make sure that you compress
yourself while i do this talk but really
after this i’m gonna have a big meltdown
i’m gonna bang in my head on the back of
my bed i’ve got all these centuries i’ve
got my lovely little teddy down there
but people never see that kind of stuff
they just see me
so i thought you know what is i’m going
to quit my job i think this is
absolutely yours i’m going to make sure
that no child has to feel the same way
that i did because i am sick of
waking up in the morning and doing this
massive curve which made me feel like an
absolute freaking weirdo i’m going to
make sure that every single child
actually feels awesome about having
something because when you’ve got autism
you’ve got it for life
so you can either like it or lump it and
there’s nothing you can do about it so i
always try and think of myself
let’s try and flip things in life into a
positive
so when i opened awesome tastic and this
has only been open a year
i went afford garage and i told him that
i was awesome and i says rich i said to
ford
i’ve got autism and it’s awesome i’ve
got a vision i want to pull up and
afford mustang gt5 lita
let them children know that people with
autism are bloody awesome you went
i says will you sponsor us you went yeah
so they give me a free car
so i drive that around all over the time
so that’s pretty cool isn’t it
um so since i’ve opened awesome tastic
and everybody’s taking a liking to us
and i’m trying my best like i said you
before i’m just richie trying to be
somebody that can just finally be myself
and that’s why it says on the back my
top it’s okay to be me
because i’ve got people making these
cakes i’ve got people um going to world
book day wanting to be like richie
people making this moral calls
people making those lego models and it’s
absolutely fantastic um
i have helped two and a half thousand
families three thousand children
i’ve done 179 talks um i’ve literally
all done all this
i’m not gonna cry um i’m gonna be a shot
on this all by myself
and to the point that i got crowned um
the autism hero
um ate christmas on the way down and
that was a massive achievement i
actually started really being upset
because i
always thought i was gonna be a freaking
weirdo forever
and i knew when i won this award that i
wasn’t a freak anymore
and then i decided to write a book so
this is all in the year so i kind of
done all of this in one year and i wrote
a book called
the artween and the sink and it’s all in
detail obviously i’ve only got a short
period of time to talk to you guys today
but all of my big life stories in there
and now i’ll make sure that any no child
mixes or wants to feel like a freak
and i’m just going to end it there
because i’ve kind of caught up myself so
thanks very much