Why SelfHelp Doesnt Work
we’re always told that we should never
talk about people behind their backs
yet i always thought if i’m speaking
nicely about them
then why can’t i talk about that but
anyway we don’t really have that problem
because
the person i want to talk about today
happens to be here with us
allow me to introduce you guys to my
buddy
jerry now a couple years back jerry’s
alarm clock would go off and he’d
immediately hit snooze nine minutes
after that
he hit snooze again and then nine
minutes after that
snooze and then nine minutes after that
he finally realized that it was already
8 42 and he had to
shave shower brush his teeth and get to
work
all before 9. he’d stroll in a couple
minutes late and he’d
hide his face behind his briefcase and
just as he got to his desk
ready to let out a big old sigh of
relief
he’d hear his boss scream late again jer
[Applause]
walk over to his desk smack down a load
of papers
and he tell jerry to get to work
this happened day after day after day
jerry was going through the motions he
was running on the hamster wheel of life
completely unaware of the life that he
could be living
he was a 23 year old with unlimited
potential
amazing resources and a tremendous
opportunity to make a difference in the
world
but he had no clue that at the time
because
my buddy was just ready to keep running
on that hamster wheel
because that was all that he knew
but lucky for jerry he happened to have
a cute little hamster and even luckier
this adorable little guy did not like to
run
on his teeny tiny hamster wheel
jerry would find him in his shoes in the
closet he’d find him sneaking around in
his pillows he’d scurry around on his
desk
he’d basically go everywhere in jerry’s
room
except for on his teeny tiny
hamster world one day when jerry got
home from his
normal job at the same normal hour as
always
he went into his normal room plopped
himself down onto his bed
and he looked around for his not so
normal
little hatch there but to his surprise
his hamster was
not in his cage and he was not in the
closet he was not in his pillows and he
was not scurrying around on his desk
today jerry’s hamster had made an
amazing leap onto jerry’s bookshelf
and he was stuck in between the front
cover
and the first page of dale carnegie’s
how to win
friends and influence people how
wonderfully convenient
jared got in the book a couple months
back as a gift from an internship he did
but he never read it
but over the next three hours jerry read
every
single word he was glued to the advice
reinvigorated by the positivity and
meaning this
book brought to his life for the next
few months
when his alarm clock would go off
instead of hitting snooze and rolling
back over
jerry would approach the day with
excitement he was like a totally new
person
he’d read more self-help books he’d
listen to podcasts and he’d read
article after article about how to live
a more meaningful life but fast forward
two years and
my buddy jerry started to face the same
sort of existential
quarter life crisis that he did when he
was 23.
but why i didn’t even understand how
that was possible you’d read
all the self-help he could get his hands
on and he knew exactly what the experts
said he should be doing
so jerry would go into that normal room
of his and he would think
why is self-help not helping me and the
answer came down to this
on monday jerry would learn the power of
being patient from his favorite podcast
host
but on tuesday that same podcast host
would talk about never waiting to follow
your dreams
on wednesday jerry’s thoughts were so
jumbled he felt like he knew absolutely
nothing
which in turn made him do absolutely
nothing on thursday he was taught the
importance of finding your why but on
friday he was told that your why can
only be found through
random life events you can’t control so
on saturday he wondered why he ever
tried to find his why in the first place
on sunday he was told to outwork
everybody else but on monday he was told
to never compare his work to other
people
so on tuesday he was so confused he did
no work at all
not all of the advice was directed
toward jerry
but he didn’t realize that there were so
many thoughts coming at him from all
different angles that all he wanted to
do
was crawl into bed and hit the snooze
button
he was going down a rabbit hole of
personal development doom
but as you guys know lucky for jerry he
didn’t have a pet rabbit
he had a cute little handsome
and even luckier one day when jerry was
about to hit the snooze button for nine
more minutes
he noticed that his furry little friend
was not in his cage and he was not in
the closet
he was not in his pillows and he was not
on his desk
again this little guy had made the
miraculous
journey on to jerry’s bookshelf
jerry grabbed his little pal and he
noticed the book he was so
casually lounging on top of and what do
you know
it was paulo coelho’s the alchemist
a magical fable about following your
dreams
again jerry had meant to read it a
little while back but it didn’t really
fit in with all these expert
research-backed approaches he was so
used to
but over the next few hours jerry read
and he read
and he read some more this book opened
up a new world for jared he was able to
use
his imaginativitation in order to become
an active participant in that new world
and yes
you did hear me correctly i said
imaginativitation
it’s imagination plus creativity
plus interpretation plus implementation
and just like that jerry had a new way
of living he had a new kind of book to
read
he had a newfound appreciation for
stories
parables and allegories
this is how we maintain our personal
growth
this is how we do not get stuck in that
personal development rapidly
this is how we overcome information
overload
contradictory opinions and advice that
may not necessarily be directed
toward the kind of person that we truly
are
when jerry read books like the 5 a.m
club
the go-giver the way the peaceful
warrior anything by mitch alba more the
journey to cloud9
he was able to uncover things about
himself that he otherwise never would
have had he continued to
robotically consume self-help advice and
just
expect it to work wonders jerry also had
this really cool opportunity to talk to
some of these amazing
authors and storytellers like dan
millman bob byrd john david mann
john gordon josh kaufman and he noticed
four key ingredients
that really set parables and allegories
apart from the rest of the personal
development world
first it’s about the journey not just
the destination
by following an entertaining story
readers are able to be more present
more focused making them more likely to
make realizations about their own lives
second there’s a stronger emotional
connection the readers are able to
feel the advice not just be told it
making them more inclined to want to
feel or not feel
how the characters do within the book
third
stories help to reduce some of the
stress honestly sometimes it feels like
self-help books can be more stressful
than helpful
because it seems like if we don’t follow
the advice to a t then
we will not succeed but if we uncover
some of the advice through these stories
then we’re able to take some of that
stress off and we’re able to
take things a little bit less seriously
and finally
we are encouraged to use our magic
invitation
so after finishing up the alchemist
jerry used his
a magician in order to plan out the life
of his dreams
he imagined a world in which he gets to
impact millions of people
he creatively worked backwards realizing
he needed to
give talks go on podcasts and write
books in order to make such an impact
he interpreted why he wanted to do this
because
ever since he was a little kid he had a
soft spot for the human condition
and he’s been trying to make somebody
else’s day just a little bit brighter
every day since and last but not least
he is currently in the midst of
implementing his plan
as he stands up here today giving a tedx
talk
to all of you all right fine you got me
i may be jerry but this story is not
totally true
sadly i don’t have a magical little
answer with
extraordinary tastes in literature and
to be quite honest with you guys in my
tiny apartment in new york city i don’t
even have enough space for a bookshelf
i just kind of stack my books up on top
of my nightstand
but i was living a life in which i was
going through the motions not living up
to my full potential
i hopped off life’s hamster wheel when i
discovered self-help
i hopped back on when i realized that
there were too many people telling me
too many different ways to live my life
and i hopped off again when i started
reading parables and allegories
realizing that i could make my own
realizations about the life that i truly
wanted to live
when you go home today and you begin to
envision
the life of your dreams please
do not remember me or the hamster i do
not have
but rather remember jerry
the journey the emotional connection
the reduced stress and the imagination
j e r i
the next time you feel stuck or you feel
like self-help is not helping
remember my buddy jerry and his cute
little hamster
who never wanted to run on his teeny
tiny hamster wheel thank you