Say yes to you a guide to selflove
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[Music]
[Applause]
the truth is
many of us especially women try
so hard to please and because of this
we live in a perpetual state of
overwhelm
exhaustion and bitterness
because we can’t say no
how many of you can relate
women are more prone to people pleasing
than men
we love to support help and be there
when others need us it makes us feel
good
it feeds our self-worth
we’re there for our families friends and
colleagues
to a point that we have very little time
for ourselves
we take on work we don’t need or go to
events
we don’t care about but why
why do we struggle to say no because we
fear being
judged being rejected
and being disliked
and sometimes we say yes to avoid
disappointing
those around us we start to hide
behind an emotional mask unlike physical
masks
wearing an emotional mask harms us
and yet so many people are hiding behind
it
many of us are hiding behind who we
truly
are and who we want to be
let me tell you a little bit about
myself
when i was just five years old i was
ashamed of myself
ashamed of who i was i was brutally
beaten by my
kindergarten teacher for expressing
myself
i have bruises all over my body
i felt like there was something wrong
with me
i became desperate to feel safe
and that day i lost a part of me
that true self that
curious creative
and playful lily
and instead i learned to be someone else
at the age of 10 growing up in japan as
the only chinese kid
all i wanted to do was to fit in
but that never happened
instead i got bullied constantly in
elementary school
i felt rejected i felt like i didn’t
belong
from that time everywhere i go
i felt like i was an outsider
more than wanting to fit in i wanted to
please my mother
i needed her approval her validation
i wanted to know that i was good enough
for her love
but when i didn’t get good grades
i couldn’t face her i would hide my
report card underneath the bed
fearing to disappoint my mother
i learned to be hard on myself
when i was 15 it got worse
what is worse than physical bullying
cyberbullying cyberbullying
was another level of pain i’ve never
felt in my life
i got messages that said
you’re stupid you’re ugly
nobody likes you and as a teenager
i believe them
those words were stuck in my head
i felt like my heart was being squeezed
so tight i could barely breathe
i was in pain
i couldn’t stop crying for weeks
i needed help my mask
was eating me alive
from then on i did whatever i could to
avoid the pain
that pain of being disliked i kept on
seeking acceptance
and approval i even started
posting photos of myself showing my
cleavage
on social media just to get the external
validation
chasing that like button to feed my own
insecurity
i became desperate and create validation
that i was liked that i was enough
or that i was nice
the truth is wanting to be liked
by others was my symptoms of my own
desire
to be in control because deep down
i felt powerless and worthless
i woke up one day not knowing who i was
i had a crisis an identity crisis
i was emotionally bankrupt
my self-esteem self-worth self-respect
were all bankrupt as a result of
pleasing
people pleasing got me the life i never
wanted
i said to myself enough was enough
i realized that constantly betraying
myself
is suicide why
by avoiding to betray others i betrayed
myself
and this is the ultimate form of
betrayal
people-pleasing goes beyond just
kindness
it involves bending my values for the
sake of someone else’s feeling
and by trying to earn acceptance of
others
i lost myself in the process
i decided that if i can get the
validation from others
i’m going to give myself the validation
i
deserve and approve myself
at that moment something
shifted
i started treating myself like my own
best friend
i started to talk to myself like i would
talk to my best friend
and every time i say something hurtful
or demeaning
i would pause and ask myself
would i say that to my best friend
and if the answer is no i cancel that
thought
immediately
and guess what it started working
that validation and approval i’ve always
prayed for
i gave that to myself
this is self-love
what kind of relationship do you have
with yourself
yes it is a relationship
in fact it is the most important
relationship
you will ever have we have to face
ourselves
in the mirror every single day until we
die
so let’s make a great one
but self-love is not just a feeling
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it is an ongoing action
let me share with you some of the way
you can practice
self-love your greatest responsibility
for self-love
is to know that you are enough keep an
eye in good enough journal and add it to
it daily
be persistent because few words
repeated daily becomes a belief
and take a note every time you’re hard
on yourself
we all have those moments
it’s okay when you are
treat yourself like your own best friend
set clear boundary for you
daring to set boundary is about having
the courage to love yourself
even when we risk disappointing others
your time and energy are precious
so stand for your value your heart
and your life
assign one day i may saturday
my self-care day nothing is on that
calendar that day
practice saying no without guilt
this will give you freedom
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freedom to go on date with yourself
discover what makes you
feel alive and joyful go
lunch have a beautiful walk whatever it
is
give that attention support and love to
you
but more important than this is your
mindset
when you say yes to anything you’re
saying
no to something else so next time
before you say yes pause
and ask yourself if i’m saying yes to
this
what am i saying no to
start saying yes to you
when you say no to something you don’t
want to do
you say yes to you
when you turn up your social media and
go on date with yourself
you say yes to you
when you say no to comparing yourself to
others
you say yes to you
say yes to you
it took some times but i realized
that in order to have the courage to say
no
i have to love myself first
i finally took off my mask
and started creating more fulfilling
life
with self-love and now that my mask is
gone i’m still on the journey
to find who lily was
that playful curious and creative side
that i lost when i was five years old
so i invite you to put you first
putting your own needs first is not
selfish
in fact you will show up more fulfilled
replenished and more love for others
remember if we don’t take care of
ourselves first
we won’t be able to do anything for
anyone else
you yourself as much as
anyone in this universe deserve your
love
give that to you
start saying yes to you now
not tomorrow not next week
now thank you