The Quest for SelfLove
in our culture
self-love is something that is not often
discussed
rather we often rely on validation from
friends
family and peers
because of this i grew up with a flawed
belief
that beauty begets attention
that the person in the room with the
most attention also had to be the most
beautiful
in my mind i believe that this person
would in turn
have the most love from others and as a
result
from themselves because of this
i devoted much of my early teenage years
to becoming that beautiful person
by spending time money and effort
on countless cosmetics ridiculous fad
diets
and unoriginal fashion trends
we were taught from young age that the
only way to be accepted is to be
considered beautiful
with all the hours that i dedicated to
catching the attention of other people
i expected my self-worth to increase
i expected as most have at some point in
their life
to find fulfillment by changing myself
to suit society’s expectations
in turn receiving external validation
in some moments it legitimately felt as
if my inner happiness increased
however it would soon regress the moment
i couldn’t get
quite as many boys to look at me or
quite as many girls to look up to me
i was in an illusory competition with
myself to perpetually beat a high score
of vanity
because i was told that beauty was
happiness but
i wasn’t happy as i grew matured
i thought about what the saying love
yourself truly meant
and in turn how to receive happiness
from it
when i considered societal and cultural
expectations
i noticed a society that social media
had its own definition of
self-perfection
it allows us to connect to millions of
people and platforms with a single
swiping motion
and yet it can also contribute to our
own insecurity
in a second we can pass through pages of
models and ads
meanwhile the next dozens of
motivational speakers and self-help
platforms
pitching for positivity
for most people loving oneself means
setting time aside
for a wholesome moment treating
themselves to a nice meal
perhaps allowing themselves to indulge
in a movie and hobbies such as painting
or reading
but is it really the picture-perfect
moment seen on pinterest
on social media i noticed that society
elevates late night searches and
luxuries as agents of self-worth
and that’s true substance often got lost
and what is now a be good
feel-good all-encompassing self-love
movement
this is the mainstream culture where
money feeds into indulging yourself
and the harder you work the more worthy
you are
this would imply that you’re only worthy
if you work enough and essentially
pay to play
and this is only further compounded if
you’re the average teen
because i know that the aesthetic
self-love
most are familiar with could never apply
to me
i’m in no way shape or form a millennial
who doubts themselves in ritual like
face masks and bubble baths while
sipping jose on the weekend
and frankly most people aren’t
and this is only further compounded
however true self-love can actually have
a healthier definition
according to psychologist dr andrea
brand self-love
means having a high regard for your own
well-being and happiness
it means that when you love yourself you
accept your so-called weaknesses and
appreciate these shortcomings
as something that makes you who you are
but what if self-flow isn’t actually a
state or feeling
per se but a constant and often
conscious
process this is how psychology today
describes self-love staying that
self-love is really comprised of four
parts
self-awareness self-worth
self-esteem and self-care
self-awareness the first step
is being aware of your thoughts how they
affect your emotions
and how your emotions cause you to act
the next aspect self-worth is about
realizing that everyone has
value including yourself
the third self-esteem is about being
happy with who you are
and the last self-care is about taking
care
of who you are because like i said
before
self-love is a process which never truly
ends
one must always remember to love oneself
to validate oneself
and take care of oneself
so how do we start this process of
becoming more
self-aware we start by taking ourselves
into account
by asking yourselves how do you think
speak act on a day-to-day basis
how do you act towards yourself
how do you feel about yourself
noticing your answers how you define
your own value
are you respecting yourself are you
content are you taking care of yourself
what does that mean for you
yet it’s hard to answer these questions
especially as a kid
therefore it should come to no surprise
that many people
are age and younger myself included
struggle with self-love i grew up in a
single parent household where peace and
beauty were the only attributes of
love’s existence
attributes i never seem to fully attain
how could i practice this elusive
self-love when the only thing i was told
about it was that vanity equaled
love as we go through high school
the cliche moment of spawning a girl
rushing to the restroom
crying with mascara running down her
face and unhappy with her image
is commonplace equally so
walking down hallways overheating a
group of guys harshly criticizing their
own gym physique and how
they are big enough is the norm
we are so quick to speak along ourselves
it’s normalized to the point that it’s
become
accepted commentary the true self-love
of being considered and respectful of
itself is nowhere to be found
you’d assume that such a critical issue
affecting our society
a substantial amount of scholarly work
would have been done on this topic
yet while doing my research for this
talk
most of the journal articles i found
were either decades old
excessively focused on narcissism or
were very religious
the absence of this information made one
thing fairly clear
scholars simply don’t write enough about
self-love
they don’t think it’s important and who
can blame them
with all the misconceptions about how
easy self-love
is it’s no wonder that further work
isn’t done on it
but that’s harmful because of adults
don’t give
importance to self-love kids won’t
either so how do we
everyday teens redefine the societal
expectations of self-love
we start with ourselves
to champion self-love self-moreness must
come first
the moment that i began to ponder
self-love i began my own journey towards
it when i realized that what society
feeds to us is actually an
impersonalized misconception
i began to accept myself
as i stand here today i am still on this
journey
challenging myself to define what
self-love means to me
growth and movement which only comes
through brutal
honesty something i had trouble with
while putting together this talk
i had trouble trusting myself trusting
others
trusting the process because it’s
sometimes hard to recognize
our own worth i thought i couldn’t speak
on this topic because i hadn’t mastered
it yet
but self-growth is not linear
it’s messy it’s dynamic
it’s wrong and the fact that i’m
standing before you today
is in it of itself an act
of self-love thank you