The Romanticization of Love
when i was a little girl
i loved disney movies i would sit in
front of the tv for hours
marveling at all of the princesses and
their happily ever afters
the one that i liked the most though and
probably watched over 50 times
was the little mermaid the red-headed
mermaid immediately caught my attention
how she wanted to leave her life in the
ocean behind for a guy she had
never formally met i thought it was
romantic back then
and over the years i came to realize
that i especially
enjoyed movies like these sleeping
beauty snow white
beauty and the beast all movies with
princesses who got these happily ever
afters a prince that would give them all
and that was the end of their story
i guess this was the beginning of my
endless childhood romanticism
in the first grade i liked a boy in my
class and on my birthday i bought
him a gift my teacher actually scolded
me because of this
and told me the other kids felt excluded
because they weren’t getting one
in the third grade i would sit beside
the guy like in the carpet when the
teacher read to us in the class
and i tried putting my hand over his as
some sort of romantic gesture
he was really weirded out by it of
course
and in the fifth grade a boy who sat
beside me in class asked me to be his
girlfriend with a post-it note
and can you guess what i said i might
have only known him for a week but i
said yes with a smile
and my two little braids on my shoulders
he broke up with me a week after
from disney movies to princesses and
nine-year-old boys
it seems as if i was always searching
for a romantic endeavor
i desperately saw a happily ever after
that i saw in every playground
now we’re in high school all i see on my
netflix feed are horribly produced chick
flicks that have the same guy playing
the same role for the 50th time
and shows like gossip girl that have 30
new couples each season
but why why are we so obsessed
with love it may seem like something
teenagers are thinking about
every single day but it goes beyond that
way beyond that and then i realized
it goes all the way back to disney
movies love songs
and all those happily ever afters were
exposed to
from books to movies to social media
love is presented as this ideal state
our brains unconsciously equate being in
a relationship to success
and superior to being single yet this
isn’t exclusive to the status quo
as love has been present since the
beginning of humankind
countless philosophers psychologists and
scientists have searched for the origin
of such a
desirable thing yet
love is left to the interpretation of
the individual but is highly influenced
by the societal concepts that have been
created around these
that’s when the question presented
itself
what in our psychology dictates such a
form of thinking at a societal level
and so i began my research from article
to article i kept running into one
constant theme the popular mainstream
term known as daddy issues as silly as
it may seem
it led me down a rabbit hole and i
eventually
found the origin of such term turns out
this was all not at all new matter of
fact this conflict dates back to the
20th century
sigmund freud most commonly known as the
father of psychoanalysis
one of the most influential medics and
psychologists of the 20th century
developed a plentiful array of
psychological theories
in place one that correlates to the
complex origin of love
and how humankind acts according to it
shrouded within an already extensive
theory
known as the psychosexual stages of
development freud characterizes a
particular phase of it
the oedipus electric complex now
i bet many of you have heard of this
theory in the first place or at least
have heard of the famous greek strategy
it’s named after
freud explains that basically when we’re
three to six years old we fall
in love typically with our progenitor of
the opposite sex
and feel hatred or envy for the parent
of the same sex
for men this is titled the oedipus
complex and for women it is known as the
electra complex
when the child is young he develops he
or she develops
an infatuation for the parent of the
opposite sex
thus perceiving them as their first love
and an unconscious level
yet the child realizes that the parent
already has a life partner
the progenitor of the same sex thus the
feelings of rivalry
and is left with this void that is never
resolved
this causes us to have an unfulfillment
or at least that’s what freud says
this theory however is not a given fact
and has been dismantled and questioned
by modern psychologists
countless times yet it is an insightful
way to look at it
and many of his predecessors
psychologists within the modern field
have presented more plausible and
recurrent theories that
are able to tie to more than just love
but also face many of the questions
humanity has
not just love one of his many
predecessors and former colleague
carl gustav young expanded upon his
theories in an unconventional way
able to tie this obsession to not only
to love
but to the upset to the to the
development of mankind and universal
feelings
although yells theory isn’t mutually
exclusive to love
it can be applied in such a scenario and
is much more plausible
in the world of contemporary psyche
young is able to recognize this idealism
and superiority given to love when it
simply isn’t as society paints it the
societal phenomenon the obsession with
love
comes from an individual perspective
that becomes collective
as we all experience it this
is what young likes to call part of a
collective unconscious
a term he himself coined part considered
part of jungian psychology
it attempts to explain why so many
ancient texts and civilizations
such as mythology and religious texts
share constant patterns and themes that
are frequently displayed
he wondered why this happened how all of
these cultures from multiple time
periods shared
common structures symbolism and themes
in their writing
and art artistic expression he then
realized
that all of these stem from innate human
nature
this is what it forms the collective
unconscious
the most common themes that we see
throughout storytelling
actually stem from these happiness
justice
love these are all part of the
collective unconscious
but what is the collective unconscious
exactly
it’s difficult to explain without
getting wordy but it is an innate place
within our insentient mind that is
common to
everyone here it is a collection of
beliefs
knowledge and imagery that is general to
every single human we may all have our
differences
but we can all agree upon common themes
displayed throughout storytelling
like the good versus evil morale or
justice
this is what stems from the collective
unconscious
and young is able to tie this back to
love
as love is one of these frequently
displayed things
in the collective unconscious love is so
prevalent
in current society because of how
in-depth it is within our innermost mind
the more deep something finds itself in
our collective unconscious
the more we subconsciously express it
through any forms on our reach
the human being having this constant
innermost paradox within them
finds for a way to express these and
this
often the not concentrates on art
storytelling or any other medium that we
may explore
this obsession with love can be
encompassed by young’s theory
as he also realizes the physiological
factors that go within it
love is innate to humanity and now it
has fallen under the western world’s
wing
it is heavily prioritized and glorified
it drives our meaning a desire
often seen as a motivation and a way to
reach the ultimatum of life
it is often portrayed that love will
make us reach the end goal
or happier than what we are currently
although this is true in many cases
it is not applicable for all this
theme within the collective unconscious
exists
due to our constant seeking
for an expression of what has become in
our collective unconscious
these individual factors and make us
seek for love
aren’t particular to any soul human
being as we
all experience it i however don’t doubt
why it’s sought so often
from the feel-good hormones released
when you’re in love like oxytocin
quite literally nicknamed the love
hormone to enjoying a genuine bond and
connection with someone a principle of
human interaction
love is a beautiful thing yet the
constant exposure to it can become
overwhelming
especially if you’re single and it goes
without saying
it’s okay to be single the constant
glorification and exposure
from society can often affect our mental
health
as it hinders us from discovering the
real reason we desire love
the constant exposure to love can often
affect our mental health
all of the pressure coming from all
angles can often hinder
us from realizing the real reason we
seek love
i wouldn’t blame anyone for feeling this
way it’s completely natural to desire it
the problem is when love becomes an
obsession not a complimentary
when love becomes a way to fulfill
happiness unconsciously through
because of external and internal factors
it can be harmful
it just isn’t love
it’s perfectly to okay to be single it
goes without saying
and can be more beneficial than
otherwise it leads us to know what we
like within a relationship and
understand
what we desire so if there’s anything i
want you to take away from this
is that love is extremely romanticized
nowadays from movies like the notebook
to songs by paul anka
it forms part of our collective
unconscious and identity as humankind
it makes us feel lonely to see it
everywhere when society tells you that
the best thing that could
ever happen to you is being in a
relationship
you can’t help but to feel alone
it is an ever expanding beautiful
experience
but we can’t help but realize it can
affect our mental health
to be overly exposed to it being single
is an equally fulfilling
and beautiful experience and we
shouldn’t undermine we have all of our
lives to love someone so why not start
by loving ourselves
thank you