How to make worklife balance work Nigel Marsh
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what I thought I would do is I would
start with a simple request I’d like all
of you to to pause for a moment you
wretched weaklings and take stock of
your miserable existence now that was
the advice that Sint Benedict gave his
rather startled followers in the fifth
century it was the advice that I decided
to follow myself when I turned 40 up
until that moment I had been that
classic corporate warrior I was eating
too much I was drinking too much I was
working too hard and I was neglecting my
family and I decided that I would try
and turn my life around in particular I
decided I would try to address the
thorny issue of work-life balance so I
stepped back from the workforce and I
spent a year at home with my wife and
four young children but all I learned
about work-life balance from that year
was that I found it quite easy to
balance work and life when I didn’t have
any work
not a very useful skill especially when
the when the money runs out so I went
back to work and I’ve spent the seven
years since struggling with studying and
writing about work-life balance I have
four observations I’d like to share with
you today the first is if society’s to
make any progress on this issue we need
an honest debate but the trouble is so
many people talk so much rubbish about
work-life balance all the discussions
about flexi time or dress-down Fridays
or paternity leave only serve to mask
the core issue which is that certain job
and career choices are fundamentally
incompatible with being meaningfully
engaged on a day to day basis with a
young family now the first step in
solving any problem is acknowledging the
reality of the situation you’re in and
the reality of the society that we’re in
is there are thousands and thousands of
people out there leading lives of quiet
screaming desperation when they work
long hard hours at jobs they hate to
enable them to buy things they don’t
need to impress people they don’t like
it’s my contention that going to work on
a Friday in jeans and t-shirt isn’t
really getting to the nub of the issue
the second observation I’d like to make
is we need to face the truth that
governments and corporations aren’t
going to solve this issue for us we
should stop looking outside it’s up to
us as individuals to take control and
responsibility for the type of lives
that we want to lead if you don’t design
your life someone else will design it
for you and you may just not like their
idea of balance it’s particularly
important this isn’t on the World Wide
Web is it I’m about to get fired it’s
particularly important that you never
put the quality of your life in the
hands of a commercial corporation now
I’m not talking here just about the bad
companies the the abbatoirs of the human
soul as I call them
I’m talking about all companies because
commercial companies are inherently
designed to get as much out of you as
they can get away with it’s in their
nature it’s in their DNA it’s what they
do even the good well-intentioned
companies on the one hand putting
childcare facilities in the workplace is
wonderful and enlightened on the other
hand it’s a nightmare that just means
you spend more time at the bloody office
we have to be responsible for setting
and enforcing the boundaries that we
want in our life the third observation
is we have to be careful with the time
frame that we choose upon which to judge
our balance before I went back to work
after my year at home I sat down and I
wrote out a detailed step-by-step
description of the ideal balance day
that I aspired to and it went like this
wake up well rested after a good night’s
sleep have sex
walk the dog have breakfast with my wife
and children have sex again
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drive the kids to school on the way to
the office do three hours work play
sport with a friend at lunchtime do
another three hours work meet some mates
in the pub for an early evening drink
drive home for dinner with my wife and
kids meditate to the half an hour have
sex walk the dog
have sex again go to bed how often do
you think I had that day we need to be
realistic you can’t do it all in one day
we need to elongate the time frame upon
which we judge the balance in our life
but we need to elongate it without
falling into the trap of the other have
a life when I retire when my kids have
left home meant work my wife has
divorced me my health is failing
I’ve got no mates or interests left a
day is too short after I retire is too
long has got to be a middle way a fourth
observation we need to approach balance
in a balanced way a friend came to see
me last year she doesn’t mind me telling
the story a friend came to see me last
year and said Nigel I read your book and
I realized that my life is completely
out of balance it’s totally dominated by
work I worked 10 hours a day I commute
two hours a day all my relationships
have failed there’s nothing in my life
apart from my work so I’ve decided to
get a grip and sort it out
so I’ve joined a gym
now I don’t mean to mock but being a
thick ten hour a day office rat isn’t
more balanced it’s more fit lovely
though physical exercise maybe there are
other parts to life there’s the
intellectual side there’s the emotional
side there’s the spiritual side and to
be balanced I believe we have to attend
to all of those areas not just do 50
stomach crunches now that can be
daunting because people say bloody hell
mate I haven’t got time to get fit he
want me to get a church and call my
mother and I understand
I truly understand how that can be
daunting but an incident that happened a
couple of years ago gave me a new
perspective my wife who is somewhere in
the audience today he called me up at
the office and say no I don’t you need
to pick our youngest Harry from school
she had to be somewhere else we’ve got
other three children for that evening so
I left work an hour early that afternoon
and picked Harry up at the school gates
we walk down to the local park messed
around on the swings play some silly
games I then walked him up the hill to
the local cafe and we shared a pizza for
tea then walk down the hill to our home
and I gave him his bath and put him in
his Batman pajamas I then read him a
chapter of Roald Dahl’s James and the
Giant Peach I didn’t put him to bed
tucked him in gave him a kiss on his
forehead and said good night night and
walked out of his bedroom as I was
walking out of his bedroom he said dad
yes mate he went down this has been the
best day of my life ever I haven’t done
anything hadn’t taken to Disney World I
bought him a Playstation now my point is
the small things matter being more
balanced doesn’t mean dramatic upheaval
in your life with the small
investment in the right places you can
radically transform the quality of your
relationships and the quality of your
life moreover I think it can transform
society because if enough people do it
we can change society’s definition of
success away from the moronically
simplistic notion that the person with
the most money when he dies wins to a
more thoughtful and balanced definition
of what a life well-lived looks like and
that I think is an idea worth spreading
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