The Myth of the Midlife Crisis in Men
[Music]
stress anxiety and fear
are the number one reason why people are
depressed right now the pressure is
all-time high especially after the
pandemic because we’ve been locked in
our homes
we’re stressed out about what’s going to
happen in the future we’re stressed out
about our jobs we’re stressed out about
our lives
but see that’s nothing new because the
second leading cause
of death among men and women from 15
years old to 29 years old
is depression but men die three times
faster in depression than a woman
because men are more prone to suicide
one out of ten men experience depression
and anxiety
and only few reach up for help that’s
the reason
that suicide is a leading cause for men
right now in depression
we feel guilty and we feel shame and
society has told us that we’re supposed
to be strong men
but every time that we feel depressed
every time that we feel anxiety we feel
weak
49 of men are more depressed and they’re
willing to admit
so rather than get help they pretend
that everything is fine
they pretend that they don’t have
depression they don’t have anxiety
see that’s the number one reason why men
are losing the edge
they feel they don’t have a purpose
they’re full of uncertainty they’re full
of anxiety
i see my mission has been for the last
decade to find out what gives a man the
edge
how can we overcome depression how can
we overcome that anxiety
that hunts us is the silent killer that
we experience in a daily basis
men who have an edge could conquer
depression
who live on the edge are not afraid
to go into the darkness and that’s the
reason that my mission has been to help
men discover what gives them the edge
to go concrete under pressure to conquer
the anxiety so they could realize that
every single day
it’s not weakness but a strength
to fight through your emotions
see i lost my edge and i fell into
depression
as some deep pain in my body at one
point
that i knew it was stress i thought at
one point i had cancer and
i saw doctors i saw specialists and
every single one told me roll this in
your head
you’re going through stress but at that
time i was running a successful business
had a great marriage had beautiful kids
had nothing to be depressed about
but at the same time i couldn’t sleep at
night and that deep
feeling of uncertainty was constantly
giving me the pain in my world
in my health in my body
so i did what most men do
i drink my way out of depression
i try to pretend that i didn’t have the
pain so i took a shot of tequila to numb
the pain and
one shot became two and two became three
and eventually every single night
i will need half a bottle tequila to
numb that pain
it wasn’t until one day i woke up and my
son was standing right in front of me
i realized that i couldn’t live this way
even though i had successful practice
and i will put on my suit and i will
go to the office and everybody said you
know raul is successful he has his life
together
nobody knew what i was really going
through inside
nobody knew what the dark and depression
that i was
in and and because we’re afraid to ask
for help because we’re afraid
to seek help to continue to sedate
that pain so why was i in pain
what i found through my journey
is that we all go through this tunnel in
life
the moment that we go through this
tunnel this dark tunnel that’s the
moment that we have the choice
to create ourselves so he will say raul
is
you went through a midlife crisis you
went through a depression but the
reality is that i don’t believe
there’s a midlife crisis i believe there
is a right of passage
what i found through my journey is that
men go through stages
and we speak very little of this because
we don’t have
people to guide us through the stages
see back in the days when we lived in
tribes
if you wanted to become a leader all you
have to do is go out there to the
wilderness kill the wolf
and come back because you were worthy to
be a leader
nowadays nobody’s preparing us to kill
the wolf
nobody’s preparing men to face that dark
pain
that darkness that emotional fitness
that we need
to overcome depression so the first
stage that men
are going to go through is the stage of
a peasant the peasant mentality the
victim mentality
the victim entirely is telling the world
that
they’re wrong and you’re right
but always somebody else is the reason
why you’re going through what you’re
going through
it’s not until you overcome the present
mentality realize that man i have to get
my life together i have to go through
this pain to overcome and that’s
the moment that you step into the
warrior mentality and the word mentality
is when you start taking
your skills to the next level that’s the
moment that you start working on your
craft
working on your skills to find your gift
see society worships the warrior
mentality you sit in magazines you see
it in movies every single man wants to
be a warrior every single man wants to
be strong
i see the moment that you become the
warrior
eventually the next stage
is a sedated warrior because being a
warrior is not sustainable
hustling every single day trying to make
money and trying to succeed in life
becomes exhausted
that’s what happened to me i was a
warrior for a long time and the reason i
was having those pains is because
i wanted a deeper purpose in my life i
wanted to do something different but i
was so stuck in the warrior mentality
that i refuse
to break through and that’s the reason i
stepped into the sedated stage
of the warrior and that’s when a man
has to find out who who truly is
because a sedated warrior enters the
tunnel
that’s when uncertainty keeps saying
that’s the moment that you’re on focus
that’s the moment you have low energy
that’s the one that you feel
disconnected
that’s when you question your purpose
that’s when you feel alone and see most
people right now are not talking about
this tunnel
because they want to be warriors they
want to pretend that everything is fine
they want to pretend that
that nothing is going on inside of them
instead of
looking deep inside
i’m making the choice to face the
darkness
see i believe the tunnel is the right of
passage for every single man
just like i said before now back in the
tribal days you have to go through the
wilderness
to be worthy of being a leader now you
have to go through the tunnel in life to
be able to
be a leader and that’s the moment
that you find your edge because the
moment that you find your edge
you rise as a king the king mentality is
a is a man who
has a purpose the man who’s driven the
man who’s creating an impact
a man who wants to create a legacy in
his life
what creates a king is somebody who
lives
on the edge and i broke it down into
four different areas number one is
energy you have to have the energy you
have to feed your body you have to make
sure that every single day
you’re mindful of the energy that you
exude
through people the second is you have to
be determined
determined to fulfill your mission
determined to fulfill your dreams
determined to be able to
conquer your demons
the third is to be guided to live for
something bigger than you
to believe that you have a deeper
purpose see that’s most men who want to
be guided most men want to be leaders
but they don’t want to be followers and
the fourth is
execution you have to be willing to
execute
become excuses about why you’re not
doing the things that you want to do
the moment that you execute is not about
perfection it’s about creating progress
because i believe the man who lives on
the edge a man who has the edge knows
how to create his energy
how to be determined how to be guided to
execute
and there’s three ways that i’ve learned
that a man finds the edge
number one is association who are you
surrounded with
who is sharpening the edge are you
surrounded with people who have a
peasant mentality
who are always victims of the
circumstances are surrounding what
people are going to uplift you
are going to call you to a higher
standard
number two is accountability who’s
holding you accountable
who’s helping you see the things that
you need to do the moment that you are
accountable to other to others that’s
the moment that you actually gonna be
able to show up more
and you show up alone and the last is a
simple action plan that’s intentional
every single day it’s not about having
perfection it’s about creating the one
percent rule how can i get better by one
percent i could go stronger for one
person how can i get wise for one
percent how can i execute and learn by
one percent every single day
association that cannot build an action
plan
so it gives each man the edge
i want you to ask yourself four
questions
to help you get out of the depression
and that anxiety to be able to for you
to find the edge number one is
what is the life that you want to create
because the moment that you are clear
about what you want that’s the moment
that you start getting out of your head
and the depression state or the anxiety
state and you start looking outside and
say what can i create
what do i want what’s possible
the second is why
why do you want to do it i believe that
a lot of men lose the ads because they
forget why
they do what they do that’s what
happened to me i forgot why until my son
was standing in front of me i remember
why
i do what i do the third is who will
suffer
if you don’t do it who will suffer if
you don’t pay the price who will suffer
if you don’t show up in life because
that’s what’s going to give you leverage
for you to find the ads that’s when i
give you leverage for you
to find a reason to conquer depression
anxiety
and find the light at the end of the
tunnel
and the last one which is the most
important one is who must i become
so i could conquer my darkness
who must i become to be able to find the
edge
because that’s the moment that every
single day gonna focus on becoming that
version of yourself
that man that woman should be able to
lead
with power so my intention for you as
you listen to this talk
is to realize number one you’re not
alone
we all have our demons to deal with we
all have our darkness
depression is a selling killer
number two every single one of us are
gonna go through stages in life
every single one of us has to face that
pain in order for us to go to the next
level
and number three is not about the
journeys about who you become
in the journey who you become in this
journey is what matters the most
you’re either gonna be somebody excuse
or somebody’s reason
to level up so my intention for you
is to choose to conquer your tunnel
to choose to lead with power to
to be choose to overcome whatever
challenge you’re going through
because life is always giving you
exactly what you need
in order to grow expand and level up
thank you for your time
you