How to Survive Life by Thinking Like a Comedian
[Music]
how desperate did 2020 get you
how many times did you think what the
hell is going on how often did you want
to shout at your kids or let’s be honest
kill your partner when they came to
disturb you during one of those endless
online meetings
in other words what effect did 2020 have
on your resilience
let’s talk about your resilience
from the title of my talk inspired by a
30 year old book by john cleese you
might be thinking that i was born a
comedian and an optimist well
i’m sorry to burst your bubble right
from the go in fact when i was six years
old i wasn’t a very popular kid in
primary school because i was rather shy
and gloomy
my parents were struggling financially
after bankruptcy and i was ashamed that
i knew what a bailiff was and why he
loved our furniture so much that he
always came to collect it
one day my teacher in the first year of
primary school asked us if somebody
wanted to tell a joke in class
now nobody volunteered but incidentally
i overheard my older brother the day
before telling a very dirty joke
involving a cowboy a wedding ring a
horse and a prostitute
now of course i had no idea why it was
funny since six years old i didn’t
really know what a prostitute was
and don’t worry i won’t tell the dirty
joke in this talk but i decided to take
my chance and i told the joke proudly
standing up on my chair in class
of course
none of my six-year-old classmates
laughed but my teacher
literally bent over laughing
i’m proud to say my school results were
excellent that year so it was my first
experience of the power of humor
i also remember my father telling us
very often well maybe we’re poor but at
least we laugh a lot
so it’s safe to say that i grew up in a
family where humor was very important to
deal with life in fact before i became a
professional writer and director humor
was my social currency because being
funny was the only way to get invited to
interesting parties without having to
pay and look now it even gets me to do
tedx talks mama
that’s why today i want to show you how
thinking like a comedian can become your
strategy to recalibrate and boost your
mental resilience at home and at work
let’s go because the need is big indeed
these days did you know that in belgium
an estimated one out of five long-term
sick leaves are due to mental problems
caused by some form of stress
now you could argue that it proves that
belgians are a bunch of nut cases and
lunatics anyway but it’s clear that our
mental resilience has been under very
big pressure for a long time worldwide
so how can we reinforce it
now maybe your first reflex now is to
think of humor as fuel for optimism and
to me the pinnacle of optimism is this
[Music]
indeed you recognized always look on the
bright side of life a tune from the
final scene in monty python’s movie life
of brian
do you also remember the exact scene
it’s part of
the main character brian who has
mistakenly been identified as the
messiah
finds himself crucified on mount
golgotha and while brian faces his final
hours a fellow convict on the cross next
to him starts singing this song to cheer
him up
it’s crazy but it’s funny
i was 14 when i saw this film for the
very first time and once again it was a
testimony to me that comedy often
springs from a dark situation in fact it
was charlie chaplin who said comedy is
inspired by contradictions
it’s about what we feel is unjust untrue
or illogical and so i think our sense of
comedy and the need for comic relief is
a very basic human reflex to reboot our
minds the question is of course how do
you access it consciously or purposely
in times of need
maybe you think now
i can’t do this
because i’m just not funny i don’t have
that so-called comedy bone well let me
tell you another story
this is viktor frankl
a very famous
psychiatrist from vienna who spent
several years in concentration camps
during world war ii
he survived stays in auschwitz dachau
and other gruelling locations and after
the war he wrote a book about it called
the meaning of life in this book he
describes how the horrors committed by
the nazis
affected the prisoners mentally now
surprisingly frankl also writes about a
couple of occasions where the need for
prisoners to have a good laugh
made them organized cabaret evenings in
the barracks even risking their lives in
doing so
so to me
that’s proof enough of the natural
resilience inherent to any human
supported by comedy in other words
everybody has this talent
you also
and yet
you’ll probably think
for some people it’s a lot easier than
for some others and that’s also true
interestingly
many of the comedians i worked with had
to deal with some kind of trauma growing
up
a couple of them were bullied at school
some found themselves socially isolated
and one of the most talented people i
ever worked with suffered from severe
episodes of depression
in all cases they developed their sense
of humor to protect themselves from
getting scarred by life
so the temporary conclusion is that a
time of crisis or conflict is actually a
good opportunity to develop your
resilience or as the saying goes while
you’re lying in the gutter you can look
up at the stars unless you’re face down
of course then you’ll only see [ __ ] but
that’s why from my 30 years of
professional comedy experience i created
a method i teach people in resilience
workshop to develop anybody’s natural
sense of humor in times of burnout
stress depression or crisis now this
talk is too short to go through the
complete process of course but as an
advocate for more humor at work i’m
happy to disclose some elementary comedy
tricks that will help you access
three key elements to reinforce your
mental resilience are you ready okay
the first reaction of a comedian to any
situation
is to question it and in comedy there’s
only one question it’s what if
take for example the film the life of
brian the premise being what if instead
of jesus christ
a random nobody had mistakenly been
identified as the messiah
indeed
comedians asked this what-if question
over and over again to find a detail
that can be changed in the premise of a
situation because in essence a joke is a
very simple construction
take this one for example my dad always
knew i was going to be a comedian
because when i was born he said is this
a joke
now here’s what happens in this classic
one-liner you start telling a story and
your audience will try to predict the
outcome of the story on the basis of
their own premise being that a father is
usually proud of his newborn baby
now a good joke surprises the audience
at some point by bending it to an
unexpected outcome which started from a
different premise in this case the
father being annoyed by the baby’s
ugliness
so the surprise is what makes the
audience laugh
indeed the foundation of comedy is
acknowledging an alternative parallel
version of reality now considering that
you could say that donald trump is
actually a great comedian which he is
if you forget most things but okay what
you do by asking the what if question
consistently is to train your sense of
reflection
and that’s the first essential element
of your mental resilience
being able to reflect on the situation
instead of just undergoing it it means
abandoning the premise that you’re a
powerless victim without any impact to
someone who can consciously choose a
reaction
to train your reflective talent you
question situations like comedians do by
tweaking details
what if people in the middle ages were
confronted with my clients or with my
kids
what if extraterrestrials had to do with
my boss
the what-if question obliges you to come
out of a tunnel vision you might feel
trapped into and see some light at the
end of it
now but of course
maybe you’re a pessimist and you think
well the light at the end of the tunnel
might just be another train coming on
yeah
to move from a negative premise into a
positive one you need to take yet
another step
what blocks our view of a different
reality is very often
judgment
our belief of what’s right or wrong good
or bad now to turn that around there’s
no better exercise than to observe the
way you judge yourself
so indeed after reflection comes
self-reflection
so i ask people in workshops to talk
about a personal characteristic that
causes them embarrassment
in the final step of this exercise i
make them imagine ways to talk proud or
positive about their source of shame to
imagine situation where it would
actually serve them
let me give you an example
in one recent workshop i had an i.t
consultant who just couldn’t say no to a
client and which obviously caused a lot
of stress so i asked him to think of a
story about how saying yes to everything
would bring him wonderful discoveries in
life
and he came up with the very funny and
true anecdote of an adventurous and
surprising tinder date with a mysterious
girl who turned out to be a transgender
jamaican
and by the way they’re a couple now so
you see
sharing your vulnerability or
embarrassment can be funny recognizable
to others and turning it around can
create a release it can be cathartic in
many ways
now of course
what comedians aim for is to make other
people laugh
laughing in itself creates a moment of
release and as neurological research
found a moment of exploring
new connections in your brain the
so-called aha moment
now a friend of mine is a firefighter he
once told me about his first assignment
him and his colleagues had to cut two
dead people out of a car wreck
shocking and when they finished the job
he was stunned to see his colleagues
stop the truck on the way back just to
pause and to share jokes in a way to
overcome their own shock
laughing out loud makes us produce
so-called happiness hormones like
endorphin dopamine and others and
laughing together creates a sense of
shared happiness and discoveries and
that’s why as a third and final element
i incite people to create specific humor
moments at work or even during meetings
these are moments of release and bonding
essential to mental resilience
maybe you’re thinking now but what if
people get my jokes wrong or get
insulted in some way
well
let me tell you the object of
introducing humor in life should be to
share experiences and emotions rather
than to make fun of someone else
so focus on situations rather than on
other people
also if you have to make fun of someone
at work then start by looking at
yourself and your own embarrassing
anecdotes
as a takeaway i would like to offer you
this formula
comedy ladies and gentlemen equals drama
plus time
using a comedian strategy in everyday
situations to enhance your resilience is
to create a mental space for reflection
self-reflection and release to distance
yourself from the drama so what i’m
calling you out to do from now on and i
suggest you do it at least twice a day
is step back from whatever you’re doing
and ask yourself
what if
i change the premise of this situation
what’s my judgment of it
can i look at it in a reverse funny way
and can i share my view with others in a
funny way
i wish you a lot of success
lots of aha moments with release and
cathartic loss
thank you
[Music]
you