My triumph over my mental health struggles
[Music]
i knew someone
who was so psychotic that should talk to
ants
and she was so paranoid that people were
poisoning her that she wouldn’t eat at
all
i knew someone who was restrained in a
forensic low secure unit
for one and a half hours at a time
to stop her from running into walls
thinking they were portals
i’m 19 years old i’m an aspiring
neuroscientist
i love unicorns and cake i want to get a
fiat 500 for my first car
i identify as a dora the explorer look
alike my family make fun of me
saying i’m not a real brown person
because of my intolerance to handle
spicy foods
i’m pretty average for a young person
now do you remember that person i was
talking about
who is psychotic suicidal and
self-harming
yeah that was me
i’m that girl i was sectioned for four
years inside psychiatric units
and had been known to mental health
services since i was 11 years old
my diagnoses are emotionally unstable
personality disorder
psychosis and autism
but what is a personality disorder
if i were to be asked out on the street
to tell someone something about me
i would start off by saying that i love
unicorns
i wouldn’t even mention that i have a pd
a personality disorder
that’s because pd’s are not all of me
however unicorns on the other hand well
they are all of me
on a serious note pd’s are perceived by
the media to be incredibly
dangerous disorders where people are
killers
or murderers or worse
if you have a personality disorder the
media say you’re irrational
and crazy and need to be locked up
let me tell you what it actually is
emotionally unstable personality
disorder is a long-term disturbance of
behaviors
associated with unstable self-image
turbulent relationships having major
trauma and feelings of a chronic
emptiness eupd emotionally unstable
personality disorder is characterized by
engaging in self-harm
making suicide attempts and reckless
behavior
up to two percent of people in the uk
suffer with a personality disorder
that means it affects 1.32 million
people that’s more than the total
population of
birmingham i’ll say that again
there are more people with the pd than
there are people in brum
that’s a problem
it’s the most stigmatized mental illness
out there
stigmatized even by mental health
clinicians
eupd is globally highly prevalent
however in the chinese classification of
disorders
it’s not mentioned it’s so
stigmatized that china doesn’t even
count it as a disorder
a mental health nurse told me that
patients struggling with their mental
health during giving birth
who have eupd are turned away from
perinatal mental health services
if that’s their primary diagnosis it’s
the same
for early intervention psychosis
services even
mental health clinicians and services
reject
people with this diagnosis if even
psychiatric services disregard us how do
we
as a society expect to understand it
i was made to believe that i was a bad
person
for having a personality disorder
but i was not a bad person feeling
desperately
suicidal and feeling broken
i was told i was manipulative but i was
not manipulative
for stopping my meds and going psychotic
whenever
i felt out of control
i was told i was attention seeking
but i was not attention seeking for
feeling so
abandoned that i’d make attempts on my
life because i couldn’t bear the pain
it’s a diagnosis of exclusion
which needs to be changed
we’re vulnerable individuals who’ve had
inexplicably difficult
traumatic experiences which have damaged
our core
sense of self-worth causing us to feel
like
life is worth not worth living
i just had complex emotional needs
personality disorder doesn’t mean who we
are is a disorder
it’s how we have reacted to the chaos
surrounding
us that is disordered
personality disorders are a serious
illness not a quality of our innate
identity
but more importantly we need to talk
about self-harm and suicidality
and how this is a normality for someone
with this disorder
how do we manage it how do we
change our perceptions
how can we challenge what we know and
learn together
about supporting peers in mental
distress
it’s okay i get it these are tough
questions
but don’t worry i’ve got you we’ll
figure this out together
i came on this stage to educate and
equip you with the necessary tools for
you
as the youth of birmingham to know how
to respond to peers who are suicidal and
have a personality disorder
figures show death by suicide are
skyrocketing
kovid has changed the game
whilst we now have a global public
health pandemic
we also have triggered a mental health
pandemic
now mind says that 68 of young people
said that their mental health got worse
during lockdown
many more people are entering
psychiatric inpatient with higher
acuity of distress and more people are
in crisis
more people are suicidal all the people
running the country
rely on figures they rely on figures
to solve this colossal issue
that’s why public health have invested
25 million pounds
into reducing suicide rates by 10
percent
little do they know that the king’s fund
projected that by 2026
money to be spent on people with the pd
will be estimated as 1.1
billion pounds 25 million
it’s not enough thing is
i know we can do more than that
as the youth of birmingham we can
do more than that we can’t sit back and
leave the money to solve everything
we need to respond to the pain behind
suicide and pds
these are the most vulnerable
demographics in our society and these
people
these people need to be heard
this would be through championing the
three e’s and the three s’s of suicide
prevention
first e empathy have
empathy because compassion is key in the
healing process
a little compassion goes a long way
secondly ask open ended questions
listen for the unheard story be
curious about what’s going on in that
person’s life
being a listening ear could be the one
thing that person is looking for to stay
alive
thirty emphasize you care be the voice
that young person needs in that moment
we don’t always need clinical
interventions sometimes all we need is a
society that fosters resilience
and recovery onto the yeses now
first s say something rather than
nothing
if you don’t know what to say just say
you care
tell them they are seen and their pain
is validated
respond to the emotional distress beyond
the action
third s safety ensure safety
and call 999 if you think someone is in
imminent danger
and remove risk items
this year’s tedx theme is insert future
here i want to insert a future where we
respond
to personality disorders more safely
more effectively
and with more compassion and in doing so
we can transform
how we react to suicide
we need to be proactive in early
prevention of suicide
not reactive to when suicide is
completed
now before someone is suicidal everybody
says how they’ll be there for them when
they need to talk
during suicidality people are told
they’re attention-seeking
taking up an extra bed in hospital that
they’re not actually suicidal
after suicide everybody works together
to see
how it shouldn’t happen again
however nothing happens it’s just a
suicidality cycle
within the system
we have to bear in mind that suicide
prevention does not start when someone
tells us they’re suicidal
it starts when someone actually thinks
of self-harm as an option
before they actively hurt themselves
we need to be more empathetic and kinder
as a society
being trauma-informed because everybody
is healing from things
we can’t see that’s why
as the youth of birmingham we should
work to protect each other
and normalize not being fine it’s
kiwi impact change as a city
birmingham was where i first became
deeply suicidal it’s where i dug my
grave
but birmingham is also the place where i
rebirthed
and revived myself i turned that grave
into the most
glorious of flower beds i
embedded my roots in birmingham and
nourished the best in me to allow me to
blossom
now i’m giving you the seeds to make
your own
now i’m an award-winning mental health
advocate an international speaker
i’m a published author and an executive
of two different mental health
organizations both nationally and
globally
after having conquered my mental
illnesses
and surviving the turbulence they bring
i pursued mental health activism to be
the person to other people
that my past self needed
i transmuted obtaining my
turning my painful past into energy that
catalyzes
meaningful and impactful change that i
want to output into the world
ultimately i decided to let the fire
within me
burn brighter than the fiery turmoil
around me
i am recovery i
owned my power
i triumphed but most importantly
who i am who i am is not disordered