Robert A. Belle The emotions behind your money habits TED
Transcriber:
I am an accountant with a numbers problem.
I mean, I’m good with numbers
and using them to report what’s happening,
but I’m also concerned
with the full story behind those numbers,
the part that gets lost in translation,
the part that numbers can’t quite tell,
the story that goes deeper
than mere strategies
for saving and earning money.
And without that story,
I don’t think I’m doing my job well.
That’s why I’ve dedicated my career
to figuring out how my work
as an accountant
can tell stories about people,
stories that will ultimately
help them improve their lives.
Let me explain.
It all started when someone told me,
“You’re obsessed with chocolate.”
And I was like, “What? No, I’m not.”
But then I wondered, could I be
in denial about my own obsession?
Was I actually spending a lot of money
on chocolate but blind to it?
Well, here was a chance
for me to test this theory.
Using my accountant lens,
off I went tracking
my spending on chocolate –
and there it was,
my love for chocolate.
I was spending about 50 dollars
a month on chocolate,
especially in months
when I was overstressed
and months when I was overjoyed.
Analyzing my expenses
helped me to understand
that I had an emotional pattern
where when I’m struggling or celebrating,
I binge on chocolate.
I had struggled with my weight
for a very long time
and I was convinced
that my diet was not the problem.
I was convinced that it was
my lack of effort in exercise,
and certainly not chocolate.
Tracking my spending on chocolate, though,
helped me realize that I was afraid
of facing myself in the mirror,
literally and figuratively,
and that I lack the courage
to deal with the real problem, my diet.
So I continued to exercise,
but devoted less time to it
and instead shifted my focus and energy
towards developing a more healthful diet.
That year I lost 50 pounds.
Our relationship with money
represents our relationship with life.
The accounting
of my own chocolate behavior
told me the story of my own denial.
I realized that perhaps
I could also help my clients
see what they were overlooking
in their own lives
and help them realize
their own emotional patterns
through their tracking and spending
of their expenses.
So I started to pay close attention
to the story behind my clients' expenses
that may be hidden to them.
One of my clients, a critical care nurse,
was convinced that
her personal budget was reasonable
and expenses justifiable.
She had struggled to build up her savings
and I noticed that she had
minimal records of her expenses.
I suggested to her
that her lack of savings
could be due to more
than just a gap in her financial knowledge
and offered to help identify the problem.
I encouraged her to start tracking
and charting her expenses.
After a few months,
her financial records revealed
that most of her spending
was on expensive clothing and shoes.
As we sat together,
she was genuinely surprised
to see just how much of her budget
was going towards fashion.
She remarked, “Wow, these are
impulsive purchases, aren’t they?
I guess I didn’t realize that.”
She analyzed further
and realized that she was buying clothes
in an attempt to impress
and appear successful to her friends.
And also when her confidence was low,
buying clothes temporarily boosted it.
She told me that buying clothing
was her attempt
to find meaning in life and feel valued.
She sighed, and she set a goal
for herself and her finances.
Six months later, she called me
to tell me she had saved a bunch of money
by reducing her spending on shopping
and instead choosing to exercise
when she felt the urge to shop.
She’s much happier around her friends.
Three years later,
home ownership is on the horizon.
Sometimes, though,
charting expenses
may not reveal something specific,
as a chocolate addiction
or shopping problem,
but what it reveals
can be just as valuable.
A marketing strategist
and upcoming musician
needed help with her taxes.
When I met with her, I immediately
took note of the fear in her face
as she looked through
her records and expenses.
I checked in with her
and she expressed to me
that some things in her life
didn’t quite seem to work out,
including her relationships.
She was afraid of facing how much money
she was about to lose after taxes.
As we continued talking
about her finances,
she started to notice a connection
between her fear of losing money
and her fear of losing relationships.
She went on to tell me that she was
afraid of committing to anyone
because she didn’t want to get hurt.
She expressed that she had not been
close to anyone in over seven years
because she feared failure.
And maybe she might have
an avoidance strategy
around both her money
and her relationships.
It’s been six years since I first
help her chart her finances,
and she’s still consistently
keeping up with her spreadsheet.
As she confronted her personal accounting
and grew her savings in advance
of each tax season,
she developed less fear of loss
and grew more open to relationships.
She tells me that she even has the courage
to walk away from a relationship
when it’s not serving her.
She recently told me,
“My spreadsheet is basically
a story of my life’s progression
and I can see it through the numbers.”
I believe we can all do this type of audit
of our own financial behavior
and that we can learn
surprising things about ourselves
through tracking
and charting our expenses.
Here’s how.
Number one, take a look
at your bank statement
for the last six months
and categorize the expenses by type
for a more holistic view.
For example,
your spending on shopping
versus transport versus entertainment.
Number two, when an expensive
pattern emerges,
see what that pattern says about yourself.
Be curious and inquisitive.
At first, it may not be that obvious,
but asking yourself what led you
to make that choice in a given moment
can provide some clues.
Do you buy pizza every Wednesday night
because that’s when you’re too tired
to cook after a stressful weekly meeting?
Number three, observe
if there are any line items
that you are shocked by
in terms of value or volume
and see what patterns emerge.
For example, did you buy
that new smartphone
just before a major function or event
so that your friends would notice?
Or do you tell yourself
you only take taxis late at night,
but then realize that you’re taking
way more taxes every month
than you thought?
Are you working late
more than you thought?
There’s so much that we can
learn about ourselves
if we take the time to look.
And sometimes our money knows us
better than we know ourselves.
Tracking our finances
can reveal what we are in denial of,
our hidden biases,
our fears and what
might be holding us back.
Though it can be difficult
and uncomfortable
to take a good, hard look
at our financial behavior,
it can reveal some deep emotional truths.
Some truths that can help us
re-evaluate our careers,
our relationships and our priorities.
So give it a try.
The payoff could be huge.
Thank you.