Beware Motivational Speakers Ahead
all right
the first time i got
[Music]
demotivated attending a motivational
speech
was almost a quarter of a century back
i was in a job and i was listening to a
motivational speech
and the motivator had taken us back to
the year 1893
and in 1893 the scene that he creates
the motivational speak speaker creates a
scene
and he says the year is 1893 and mahatma
gandhi is traveling by
first class in a train in south africa
at marricksburg station he gets thrown
off
the first class from the train
and he’s there on the platform in the
year 1893
mahatma gandhi has got a couple of
choices to make he can pick up his bags
move on to the second class coach travel
on
with his journey or he can pick up his
bags
go back home to kasturbai that’s his
wife
ask for a hot water bottle or a cold
pack
or a pain relief bomb because he’s been
thrown off the train
but he decides to not do either one of
these
this is what the speaker is telling us
and i’m listening madma gandhi decides
to stay
at the station the whole night
sit suffer shiver
look into his pain in the eyes try to
figure out
why is he suffering and the reflection
and the pain
throughout the night makes him realize
that the real reason
why he is suffering is because of
discrimination
discrimination because of the color of
his skin
and he feels this iniquity and this
inequality is not okay
he feels he has to put up a fight
against it
so he decides to raise
a voice and gather voice against
inequity and inequality he feels
white must equal brown
gora equal buddha
that’s the purpose of his life
he must do that for a long time
and that then gives him a platform to
spiritually
uplift himself also a purpose
makes you spiritually uplift yourself
so this was the motivational speaker
speaking and there it was me
listening to it with wrapped attention
and i was mighty impressed i said
wow that’s a life worth
living my resolve at the end of that
motivational speech
was that i too want to be a little bit
like mahatma gandhi that’s the purpose
of a motivational speech
the two values that appeal to me the
most
were truth and courage
and i decided to use truth and courage
to go and give some feedback to my boss
in the company that i was working in use
truth and courage to go and tell him
what are some of the better ways of
running this company
so i went ahead with these two values of
truth and courage
with full enthusiasm and energy of
mahatma gandhi because there was a
little bit of mahatma gandhi inside me
now
i was motivated i was inspired
after all i had attended a motivational
speech
so i went ahead all smiling wanting to
give him some honest
feedback my boss never said
that he disliked my feedback but his
body language said it
after i gave him feedback he withdrew
the warm eye contact from me
his handshakes were with with me were
like a dead fish
he started ignoring me
and started making my life really really
miserable
and what had happened in my life a
motivational speech had
really backfired on me
who did i blame obviously myself
for the industry of motivational
speakers as such
which teaches you to point fingers
towards yourself
for how can i blame words like truth and
courage
it would be extremely disrespectful to
disrespect respectful words
i mean i grew up with maxims like uh you
remark another sin
big thy conscience look within
so what do i do he makes my life
miserable
i sit and suffer and well-wishers
around me well-wishers around me who do
not want to see me
suffering like this what do they do they
start giving me
more cliched wisdom
and it starts to rain cliched wisdom
and the cliched wisdom goes like this
have a purpose have a passion
have patience perseverance man
discipline excellence goals no no
written goals
confidence achievement restraint
balance detachment faith growth
commitment collaborate determination
never quit stress coils health health as
well every sense of everything
and everything will sorry no point in
worrying
[Applause]
and did it work it did not
for it is extremely difficult to become
things it’s easier to do things
i was not only a failure in giving true
honest feedback
which i had given decently i was not
rude i was not crude
i had followed all the principles of
constructive
feedback but it had still backfired
and while i was sitting and suffering
another person
now sees my suffering and he says the
person comes and says
man try gratitude
gratitude for the fact that at least you
have a job
so what if your boss is making your life
a nightmare
you at least you have a job in the pink
of your health in the pink of your
career
when the indian economy is booming in
the late 90s
thanks to late prime minister mr pv
narasimha rao
but the worst piece of cliched wisdom
that i
advised that i got which really didn’t
work was this one
someone actually came and said have
compassion for your boss
the person who’s made my life miserable
a cliched wisdom comes and says have
compassion for me
and if you meditate enough and if you
breathe
alternatively enough then
then you will realize then you will
realize that
his atoms and your atoms and his energy
and your aura
did it work no it did not work
for a basic principle of education was
not being followed
and what is the basic principle of
education
the basic principle of education ma’am i
say it with all humility
is that knowledge flows from known to
unknown
i do not understand words like
unconditional love and
unconditional compassion and the balance
of gautam buddha
i don’t understand it i’m just a normal
regular restless bundle of energy
what is it that i needed at that point
in time
when my boss was making my life
miserable
what is it that i needed i needed the
skills of having a courageous
conversation
i needed skills of networking
i needed to do personal branding i
needed to learn brand
me i needed to be a bit more assertive
i needed to manage upwards but i didn’t
get any of these skills and competencies
instead i got motherhood statements
cliched wisdom quantum physics
did it work for me not at all so what’s
the moral of the story
are all motivational speeches full of
cliched wisdom will
they work it will age old wisdom
work well it will work
for highly mature individuals for highly
evolved souls
for highly satwik individuals who’ve
transcended
pairs of opposites but for averages like
me
motivational wisdom will work if and
only if
we follow four specific aspects so if
you
get enough dosage of motivational wisdom
in conversations back at home in the
office
from the speakers here listen on
the two things that we are supposed to
do when we are attending motivational
speeches
to get the most out of motivational
speeches
are one we must try to find the
context and our reality and our nature
at that point in time let me take you to
my crooked boss
the shakuni boss shakuni being the
character from
the epic mahabharata he was a bit of a
sharp shark
he was the kind of a guy who says that
you are either my friend
or my enemy no non-aligned movement
[Applause]
what will work what will work what will
work is this
mehra who is listening to that
motivational lecture yadav mehra needs
to make a two by two metrics
of the types of bosses that exist well
broadly there are four types of bosses
who are bosses
bosses are people with legitimacy power
they have the chair
there could be four types of bosses and
if we were to put them in a two by two
matrix
on the horizontal axis you put their
character and on the vertical axis you
put their intelligence
on the horizontal axis you put whether
they are well
intentioned or ill-intentioned whether
they are team
oriented or not so team oriented
and on the vertical axis if you could
actually put
whether they are intelligent or not so
intelligent
the best kind of a boss is obviously a
person who’s well intentioned
and intelligent and who’s the most
dangerous boss in your life
that’s the shakuni up there in the top
left quadrant
will feedback work with all the bosses
no will truth and courage work with all
the bosses no
you know that a lot of seasoned people
are sitting in the front row here
and some faculty sitting there where
will
truthful honest feedback work mahatma
gandhi’s truth and courage will work
here
i wish all of you bosses up there but
there are seven percent of them
93 percent of them are shades of gray no
pun intended
what will work in the top left quadrant
the top left quadrant
will not be able to receive honest
feedback they need tact
so you’ve got to have the fine craft of
stating what you want to say
striking the fine balance between
courage and consideration
otherwise you’ll really put your foot in
the mouth
the second lesson that i want you to
keep in mind the aspect that you have to
keep in mind when you are listening to
motivational speeches
and please remember this is that
when you are not able to implement
self-help speeches
when you are not able to implement
self-help speeches
in your daily life for heaven’s sake do
not blame yourselves endlessly
it will not be good for your self-esteem
stop
telling yourselves i have less willpower
because i do not have the great of
mahatma gandhi
it is going to create fear of
abandonment it is going to create
self-doubt it is going to create loss of
self-esteem
stop blaming yourselves unnecessarily
because motherhood statements
are not easy to implement the way to
implement motherhood statements
is by small actions sub-behaviors
competencies that will help you move
there
so the first part that i want you to
keep in mind is keep the x-axis
y-axis with you have the four quadrants
you’ve got the krishna boss
you’ve got the shakuni boss choose your
strategy
accordingly the second part is that if
motivational speeches do not work for
you
if motivational conversations do not
work for you
do not excessively blame yourselves for
you will create
fear of abandonment self-doubt and
loss of self-esteem now there are two
lessons
that there should be there for
motivational speakers as well
these two were that if you were
listeners motivational speakers
must keep the context of everyone in the
room in mind
when they are dishing out cliched wisdom
for example if a motivational speaker
comes here and talks to you about never
quit
man go never quit
there are posters on it okay there are
poetry on it
now this is cliched wisdom never quit
now is this a
good thing or a bad thing well it
depends on where you are
on the inverted you stress curve
which is a function of stress and
performance what this curve
inverted u curve says is that as stress
goes up
performance goes up as stress goes up
performance goes up
till a particular point in time that as
stress goes up performance goes down
now when you are in a particular part of
the curve take a look at this
if you are here in the curve in your
life never quit
this fellow is right if you are in this
part of your life
then stay the course never quit but if
you are
here and you are a self-improvement
junkie
pal take it easy quit take it easy
otherwise you go to the shrink and if
you are here
and if you are here then quit for a
while
motivational speakers have to make
things
contextual for a wide audience that is
there
there could be people here in this room
who are suffering from anxiety
and the more you tell them never quit
the more anxious they will become
so for heaven’s sake quit some things
motivational wisdom has found
its way into day-to-day conversations as
well
it’s not just the motivational speakers
who are talking they found it
their way into daily conversations
conversations which have become
do this become this don’t be this
now these are very cliched gyan
conversations
a typical conversation like that goes
like this i have a problem what’s your
problem
i’m lonely and why are you lonely
i’m an introvert i’m shy i’m socially
awkward
and there comes the first mantra come on
go make friends meet new people
and the poor fellow who has a problem
says i tried i can’t get a conversation
going there is a fear of getting
ridiculed
and that comes the second mantra become
become this become confident
and the person now says i can’t do that
i can’t shed
anxiety i get nervous with new people i
can’t have ice breaking conversations
and comes the third mantra which is
don’t be negative
we have to use motivational wisdom
cliched wisdom
motherhood statements age-old wisdom
very carefully very spherically and if
people around you
are using them a lot then find your
context
accept what is relevant for you do not
accept what is not relevant for you
for heaven’s sake do not criticize
yourselves and do not suffer from the
disease of perfectionism
i think it’s about time it’s about time
that motivational speakers like me
we begin to understand the context of
the audience work very hard
and perhaps perhaps perhaps we need to
move on from becoming motivational
speakers
to perspirational speakers thank you
very much
you