The Myth of the Midlife Crisis
[Music]
what do you think of
when you hear the term midlife crisis
you might think of a guy taking off in a
sports car with someone half his age in
the passenger seat
definitely not one of his children
you might think of a woman sitting home
alone a little bit depressed and feeling
like she’s
just past her prime you might
chuckle like i’ll admit i have when you
give or you get
a birthday card that actually is poking
fun
of someone of a certain age
but the midlife crisis is no laughing
matter
it’s time to call it out for what it is
an
ageist trope that’s caused millions of
people
to feel disempowered and disengaged
and just when they reach a crossroads in
life
it stopped them in their tracks i’m here
to bust the myth
and to open your hearts and your minds
to the reality
and the potential for future decades
of love joy vitality
and impact but first
who am i to bust this myth we love to
hate
my passion for adult development and
aging
began when i was a child visiting the
menorah homan hospital
in brooklyn new york with my dad as he
would go and volunteer
by the time i was 25 i had a master’s
degree
in gerontology so i can safely say
i’ve studied adele development since
well before
i was an adult i’ve spent most of my
career
working with people at the midpoint of
their lives
helping them figure out where they are
where they want to go
and then building bridges to get there
too often i’ve heard from clients
friends
even acquaintances you’d be surprised
how often i’ll get pulled aside
at a party by someone who asks me barb
can you help me figure out what i want
to do when i grow up
and i know i’m supposed to be a grown-up
they’ve bought into this midlife crisis
myth
and most of them believe that their best
years are probably behind them
or worse they already feel defeated
like my client terry terry worked in the
same industry
for over 20 years he was handsome and
smart
he drove a fancy car terry even had
a killer view of the golden gate bridge
from his living room window
by all outer measures terry was the
picture of success
but on the inside terry was miserable
he was lonely he was depressed his work
left him listless
and regardless of those outer trappings
of success
he didn’t have significant savings and
he needed a regular paycheck
terry felt marooned
on this island of choices that he had
made
back in his twenties and thirties as he
explained to me
once you reach a certain age there is a
sticky commitment
to conformity that cements you into
place
i asked terry to trust me and to try
something out
i asked him to think of his life as a
book made up of chapters and to imagine
that he was going to pick up the pen and
write his greater
greatest chapter of all
terry fought those inner gremlins we all
have
telling him he shouldn’t rock the boat
that it was too late to change
the revelation terry remembered
that he loved to fly in fact
he loved anything having to do with
aviation and he had since he was a
little boy
but like so many of us he buried those
childhood dreams as just that
childhood dreams you don’t really take
to adulthood
but in this case terry found the courage
to experiment with ways in which this
could be a part of his life again
now it hasn’t been easy he started at
the bottom in fact it’s taken terry
the guts and the grit that most of us
associate
with youthful career exploration
but here’s what he recently shared with
me
he said i manage and sell aircraft and i
fly for a living
he told me he feels more adaptable and
open to change
than he’s ever felt and that he’s
happier than he’s been
in years he’s happily married
and he feels like his small company is
growing
honestly the real crisis
would have been for terry to stay in a
job that left him listless and depressed
the real crisis would have been for
terry to feel
those choices he made in his 20s and 30s
would cement him in place forevermore
so it is time to dismantle the myth of
the midlife crisis
the reality is that midlife may just be
one of the richest
most potential filled times of your life
what if we anticipated midlife as a time
to pick up your
pen and write future chapters
of joy love vitality
and impact in order for you to join me
and become a mythbuster here are some
things you need to know
the myth was born in 1965
when jacques elliott a 48 year old
psychoanalyst
literally invented the term he invented
it
after reading the biographies of famous
composers
and artists he admired like chopin
bach and beethoven all
white european men whom he thought
suffered
a crisis in their genius and lived in
the 17 and 1800s
yes this is really where it came from
just a year before that the phrase don’t
trust
anyone over 30 was popularized
making anyone in midlife and i’m
guessing that included
jacques elliott insecure about their
personal power
our national idolatry of all things
youthful had begun
necessitating the birth and emergence of
an increasingly
important and relevant word
ageism in case that doesn’t convince you
there is science-based research
not only refuting the crisis
but also validating our soon-to-be
century-long that’s 100 years
life expectancy we have more years of
living ahead of us not dying
but i don’t want to make short shrift
of the challenges in midlife there are
many
body parts wear out i know
i’m rocking titanium down my leg thanks
to technology and a new hip
but my new hip doesn’t make me old
it makes me me a hiker a sometime yogi
and i don’t want to brag but i can do a
split better than some 20 year olds
midlife can be really hard
just like adolescence can be hard
our problem in midlife is one of
expectations why is it
that we keep expecting that once we grow
up
our decisions have been made our
successes earned
or not and our agency
our agency to change and write new
chapters
has evaporated
challenging life experiences happen
whether you’re 18 you’re 48 or you’re
the key is to sit at the feet of your
life
and to learn from it then there are
pathways
to personal growth this is especially
true today
in light of the social political and
health related challenges
we’re facing adults
midlife and better as i like to call
them
are a formidable force for good in the
world
we’re needed now more than ever
did you know you can go online
and calculate your life expectancy based
on choices you’re making today
i recently received my results and
according to this detailed analysis
i’ve got more than four decades ahead of
me
and here’s what i know i know that my
path won’t always be clear
and my path won’t always be easy but i
also know i have the wisdom within
and i will figure it out because i’m not
in crisis i’m just getting going
my advice bust the myth of the midlife
crisis
stop pointing ageist arrows at yourself
and maybe others take some advice from
terry
drop your sticky commitment to
conformity
pick up your pen be the author
of your future life story unearthing the
wisdom
that only years on this planet have
given you
that’s not called a crisis
that’s called living