Embbracing Pain
i go running in the hills
next to my home and i love it
feet kiss ground spirits soars
eyes soak up early green and
crusty ground sound of crickets
scent of bark mind awakens heart
opens i lean into life life
with intervene and i run
[Music]
running keeps me going even on days when
i
feel like the sun has forgotten to rise
it’s been a couple of years now since i
started running
but before that for the longest time
without me even realizing my mind
had constantly been on the run
i had been running from my pain
the pain of unmet needs and unfulfilled
dreams
i had been running from my own humanness
trying to get rid of my brokenness
pain is something we all know it’s part
of being human
it’s unpleasant it’s unknown it’s hard
our brains are wired to resist pain
after that the postmodern pressure of
having to be happy and flawless
all the time in the name of being strong
and positive and productive
we are asked to either ignore or
transcend
our difficult emotions
but denying pain doesn’t make it go away
unresolved emotional pain reappears
in the disguise of fear anxiety lack of
self-worth
over-confidence perfectionism busyness
[Music]
anger
constantly turning away from the small
and big pains we inevitably feel
comes at a huge cost
deterrence cynicism insensitivity
addiction consumerism violence
is the price we as a society
pay for stigmatizing our humanness
and promoting the false belief that are
absolutely painfully existence
is possible global stats
show that alcohol addiction
is the cause for one in every 20
deaths each year
1.6 million people worldwide
lose their lives to violence
it is said that pain that is not
transformed
is transferred
unfelt and unacknowledged pain
is unlikely to be transformed
the challenge for us is to find a way
to be with him hold it feel it
such that it heals into deep compassion
and wisdom what would happen
if we stop running from our pain and
paid attention to it
instead of striving to always be happy
what would it take for us to aspire to a
state of
inner well-being there is room
for both pain and joy
instead of demonizing the seemingly
unacceptable parts of ourselves and
others
what would happen if we
made a genuine effort to understand and
empathize
with the underlying feelings
perhaps we would find the humility and
courage
to appreciate our shared humanity and
discover the joy of being true to
ourselves
and the privilege of being moved to
tears by another person’s game
perhaps we would become more aware of
our own habitual condition patterns of
thinking and feeling
and gain some insight into the way our
mind works
we might be able to right-size our thing
instead of
exonerating it or belittling it
you might feel gratitude
for being able to find a sense of
peace and hope in surrender
but unless we try we will never know
in my case it took some big hard blows
from life
for me to realize that by evading the
pain that was real for me
i was living in denial and missing out
on the opportunity to live
a truly authentic life
the consistent practice of mindfulness
meditation made me see for myself
and experience directly the value of
turning toward pain rather than away
from it
i know now that i have the ability
to stop running and pause
i have the choice to stay and calmly
look my pain
in the eye and say yes
i see you
as i offer kindness to my pain i become
less resistant to it
i soften i feel safer
i suffer less i’m able to catch a
glimpse of the silver lining in my cloud
and see the light that unfailingly
shines through
even the darkest of times
amidst deep thing unable to make some
room for joy
for instance when i go running in the
hills i often see small
children playing by the side of the
street
instantly i remember and miss my own
kids
who have been alienated from me
as i learn to allow and acknowledge
the pain of separation i am also
able to allow and appreciate the delight
in exchanging smiles and high fives and
flying kisses
with those little boys and girls
one of us has the capacity and choice
to stop running from our pain
we have the power and freedom to choose
to stay with it
taro brock a teacher of mindfulness
and author of the book radical
compassion
offers the acronym rey r-a-i-n
to help us navigate this process of
meeting
with mindful presence and grace
the r in vain stands for recognizing
what’s going on
recognizing the feeling that’s arising
to do that we need to pause
turn in word and pay attention
the a stands for allowing the experience
to be
there as it is acknowledging
and accepting the feeling with trust
and with calmness without resignation
i is for investigating with interest and
care
as we stay with the feeling it settles
such that we can see what
lies beneath and finally m
stands for giving ourselves nurtures
through self-compassion
this is just one of the many ways in
which
we can relate to our pain with
mindfulness
and heartbeats let me give you a small
example
[Music]
of my own experience earlier
when i felt emotionally stressed i used
to become frustrated with myself
and try to push away the stress or
i or i got caught up in thinking but now
i catch myself doing that
and then i simply pause
and i invite the stress into my
awareness i sit with it
i hold it with love and care like i will
hold my child
i talk to it kindly like i talk to my
best friend
i cry if i need to i hug myself
i say to myself it’s okay
it’s okay to not feel okay
writing poetry helps me stay with the
discomfort of difficult emotions
by expressing them i recently
wrote a poem and i would like to share
it with all of you today
my hand gently reaches for the door of
my heart
and opens it to let in all the pieces
that i had
long locked out they kept knocking and
pounding but i shut them away because i
thought i
had to be a certain way
but now i’m learning
that to be holy i first need
to be whole so now
i vow and welcome with dignity
and with honor each one of these sacred
outlaw pieces
into the limitless sky of my soul
fear come here and sit in this cushion
chair
you are safe in this space
doubt come rest and relax
amidst bugs of self-care that blossom
into faith
anger come talk to me let’s hold hands
and walk away
tell me how may i offer kindness to your
name
loneliness how i long to hold you in my
arms and weak
and sing to you of times gone by of
loves and lovers of broken friendship
a song that soothes you into
sweet sleep
self-judgment there you are come to me
let me make you a nice warm cup of tea
shave broken child with pain and blame
look into my eyes i see you
i see how earnestly you care
i hear your whisper prayer
guilt come lean by my side
let me share the burden you carry let us
together
cry come
on come all precious human
vulnerabilities it’s time now to find
belonging in this boundless space of
heart that has no rigid walls
it’s time for you to be held by humble
brothers
to be encouraged with tender decorates
to melt into deep acceptance
it’s time for us to celebrate celebrate
the promise of grace
to embrace the beauty of night
the loveliness of light above
all to know the simplicity of
this truth here
none are not invited
here all are free to come and go
here all our home