Perspectives on Challenge During the Pandemic
[Music]
loss comes in many different forms
the loss of a loved one the loss of
freedom
the loss of not being able to go outside
and breathe without a mask on
this is all due to the anxiety of
contracting the wretched coronavirus
this is what this pandemic has taken
from us our
freedom this fear of contracting the
virus has interrupted
everything in our lives from our
education to just trying to live a
normal life
it has caused us feelings of stress
anxiety and depression
and has forced us to become trapped in
our own minds prisoners
of our thoughts we are away we are made
to wear our safety daily rethink every
decision and constantly assess our
situations
nothing is simple anymore every step we
take is like the trickling sands in an
hourglass
it runs out eventually this is where i
began to see my perception of time
do a complete 180. just because the
world is on pause
time is not it continues whether you’re
ready or not
trust me i wasn’t ready for any of this
but then again
what 14 year old ever is
who would want to spend an entire year
of their lives
living in constant fear of getting
themselves and their loved ones sick
while also being a prisoner of their own
minds
not even i know within just the past
year 84.6 million people have contracted
this virus
and about 1.84 million have lost their
lives
this sparked a chain reaction causing an
explosion of thoughts
permanently changing my beliefs of time
and death
time goes on whether you like it or not
and as time goes on
it is up to us to decide how we live our
new realities whatever that reality may
be
we need to be accepting of whatever
comes our way and enjoy it before it’s
too late
now let me take you back to the
beginning of my five stages of grief
denial a state that one refuses to admit
to the truth or existence of a present
situation
or a life-changing event a state that we
all go through as we grieve
saul mcload a psychologist and published
researcher at the university of
manchester
wrote on simplypsychology.org that
defense mechanisms are psychological
strategies that are unconsciously used
to protect a person
from under from arising unacceptable
thoughts or feelings
we used to say oh my god this virus is
just gonna go away soon and everything’s
gonna be fine
it has to or so we thought
in february our state of denial was at
its peak to think that we were actually
going to go back to school after that
either watson
break i initially was happy about being
able to stay home if i’m being honest
we were convinced that everything was
gonna be okay
everything will be back to normal in two
weeks it has to
i need to go to start high school i need
to finish the semester it has to
we were wrong one week turns into two
then into three then into four and
suddenly
we’re in may finishing up the semester
at home
honestly i kept telling myself that
things would be back to normal
and that everything was gonna be okay
and that i would start high school like
a 14 year old would
but here i am a high school freshman
starting my high school career online
and having to adapt to the changes of
the pandemic
on top of all of us the propaganda and
media inflating the
inflating the situation made me start
freaking out
and forcing myself to give me to give
myself a sense of false hope that
everything would be okay
part of me hope the lies i was feeding
myself were actually true
but i knew they weren’t they were just a
fantasy
a dream of what reality could be
suddenly
i started getting irritated by the
slightest things
and becoming very irritable and within
denial
anger came following close behind
anger a strong feeling of annoyance
displeasure
or hostility the mask that hides the
pain from the world
being stuck at home caused me feelings
of anger that words could not even
express
i was spiraling with no sense of
direction and all i could see was red
i was most irritable during the fifth
and six months of the lockdown
i’d wanted to buy fabric to make a dress
as i had nothing to do and i wanted to
try something new
since this was obviously the best time
for it i waited patiently
for four months to be able to go to the
fabric stores to get fabric for the
dress i wanted to make
only to be told that they weren’t going
to be open for the next month and a half
because of the new safety measures that
were being enforced
when i tell you i was angry i mean it
but this was only just a fraction of the
situations that i was in
that made me feel like i had lost
control of everything and that i was
paralyzed and unable to do anything
about it
is it was at times like this where i
wondered
why this was happening is this just one
more injustice that is happening in our
world
are we being punished for another sins
is it not enough
that the world is going through poverty
hunger economic corruption environmental
detriments
the list goes on and now we have to
worry about a pandemic
the only consolation i had at the time
was being with my mom
dad aunt and cousins i hadn’t seen
anyone other than them for the past six
months and i was ready to see anyone at
this point and do anything to do it
oh how i wanted to pop that bubble so
badly i was ready to bargain my safety
to see
anyone at that point so i did
bargaining negotiating the terms and
conditions of a transaction
we as people bargained for our safety to
go outside and be
semi-normal please let us go outside we
promise we’ll wear our masks we’ll even
wear gloves
i even bargained for my birthday to be
semi-normal
my birthday was in july and it may not
have been the birthday i expected
but i couldn’t have asked for more
i was so lonely that i bargained my
health and my safety
to be able to see a dear friend of mine
and have her come over to spend my
birthday with me
my parents had never seen me like this
so even though they were still
very very hesitant they let her come
over
and spend my covert birthday with me
ever since that day i
actually felt like a normal human being
and not an animal locked in a cage
and i’ve been able to see her
after that and since we knew that her
family was safe i continued seeing her
and i was genuinely okay for once
slowly pacing our bargaining chips down
on the table we tested the waters
dipping our toes in until we were fully
submerged
i gained and lost things while placing
those bargaining chips down
i gained seeing a friend and being able
to do semi-normal things with her
but i lost seeing my cousins since they
were at high risk of getting coveted i
did not want to risk their health
so i decided to stop seeing them
and since i got to start seeing my
friend we began incorporating
certain things that we did before the
pandemic like going to malls
seeing friends etc and
ever since then in my little world
everything seemed okay
relatively okay but in reality it was
only falling apart
depression a state of feeling severe
despondency and dejection
a state where i began to spiral into
sadness
with a rise in covered cases anxiety
levels increased
and the depression began sinking in i
began to worry about leaving the house
and i became stuck in an abyss of
negative thoughts
my dreams turned into nightmares
reflecting how i was feeling and i
became very very distant
online learning had been quite the
challenge as i was still adapting to the
changes
and it stressed me out so much to the
point where i would break down at least
twice
a week i recently wanted to make
brownies
specifically the betty crocker fudge
brownies
delicious but i didn’t have any of the
mixed at home
so living right next to the germania i
decided
let’s go walk let’s go get some brownie
mix
i put on a brand new outfit my
high-heeled black
combat boots and i walked
when i got inside i was horrified i was
greeted
with a sea of people and internally i
started freaking out
my fighter flight kicked in and i
decided to just suck it up
go get the baking mix and leave as fast
as humanly possible
as i approached the baking aisle i was
greeted by a man from the ministry of
health
who asked if i wanted to take a free
cover test
at that moment i realized how dangerous
this actually was
i kindly declined and i explained that i
was always at home and that i was safe
and i sprinted to the baking aisle only
to find
that there was no brownie mix i
left as fast as i could and
as i was leaving i was holding my breath
when i got a second to think clearly
outside
i was horrified i almost broke down
crying right then and there in public
but i decided
this can wait till you’re at the home
until you’re at the house
when i got home i got a call from my
sister
and she told me that she had gotten
copied
and then came the waterworks i broke
down crying on the phone with her
and i could not stop
she’s my older sister and we’re
two kids in the family so she was an old
she wasn’t she was the second mother
growing up
and i couldn’t help but worry for her
even though she told me that she was
asymptomatic
to make matters worse it’s not like she
was here in kuwait with me
she was in lebanon studying for
studying at university there and being
out of the country
and having me miss her made the
situation a million times worse
acceptance a willingness to tolerate a
difficult situation
the final stage of my grief my life
really came into perspective that day
the day i realized that we took things
for granted
if you asked me a few months ago if i
was grateful for the pandemic i would
have said no with zero hesitation
none zero zilch nada
but now that i’ve had time to be alone
with myself
and truly understand the benefits of
being alone i would say that yeah
i am grateful that this happened it
taught me that patience is key
and it showed me who my true friends
were
i learned a lot about myself and how i
was feeling mentally physically
and emotionally i learned that i’m very
introverted and that i prefer staying
at home rather than going out which is
quite surprising really as we’ve been
staying home for the past year
i’m quite comfortable with online school
now not as stressed depressed or
repressed
and this was an eye opener as it made me
realize that we’re in time similar to
those of war
and that this was survival of the
fittest because of seeing all the death
and sickness around me
i started taking my vitamins eating
healthy exercising
and taking care of myself seriously
because by doing this
i was not only preserving my body but my
mental health as well
i may not have control over what’s going
on but i have control over my body and
that
reassured me and made me feel like i was
okay
despite the circumstances
i’m gonna give you an advice i’m gonna
give you a piece of advice that my mom
gave me
yes plan for the future but enjoy the
present
make the most of it this is the time
that we’re not gonna be able to get back
once it’s gone
so we need to cherish it we need to
enjoy it and we need to spend it doing
something that we love
or with someone that we love this entire
experience feels so unreal
like something that would happen in only
our wildest dreams
as edgar allen poe once wrote is all
that we see or seem
just a dream within a dream thank you