Liv to Pop How to Get to Your Chewy Center
what if i told you
that i thought the only way to my
happiness
was my own funeral
pretty sick right now warning i’m going
to get
very graphic with you
it was october of 2019
god i remember this day like it was
yesterday
i was standing in my kitchen gazing at
my block of knives
trying to decide which knife do i use on
myself
so being the overachiever that i am i
chose the largest and the sharpest knife
i held that knife up to my neck
god i can still remember the cold blade
steel pressing against my throat
i was drunk as it was the only way i
could summon the courage
to take my own life but at the same time
i’m also
crying because i know in my heart of
hearts
i may not be able to do this you see all
i
wanted in that moment was for the pain
to
stop and to find peace
but the problem was i thought
the only way to find peace was to rest
in peace
spoiler alert no i did not end my life
now you so-called normal people
might be thinking to yourselves suicide
man that sure is a long-term solution to
a short-term problem am i right
well for someone who is suicidal
the only word that i hear in that
sentence is solution
you see when you’re suicidal you’re
living only and completely in the
present moment
and you cannot convince yourself that
things will ever get better
that’s just the nature of the beast now
you’re also probably thinking to
yourself
that suicide is a selfish act
am i right and you’re probably thinking
did i ever stop and think about the
people i would leave behind
well most people who are suicidal
do think about the people they would
leave behind they believe the world will
be better off without them
in it it’s called burdensomeness
and lastly maybe you’re thinking to
yourself that suicide is a
selfish act okay
well let me ask you one question
are you seriously brave enough to
contemplate slicing your own
throat i was
so how did suicide become my only
solution
why did i believe the world would be
better off without me in it
how did i work up the courage you heard
that right the courage
to want to take my own life well
it’s important to know that i had a
pretty good childhood growing up you
know i had two parents no trauma or
abuse to speak of
things were really good until they
weren’t
at the age of 23 years old i lost my
best friend
my father suddenly and unexpectedly to a
heart attack
i buried four more family members
following his loss
i suffered and still suffer from bipolar
disorder
depression and alcoholism
i got kicked out of college at one point
oh and not to mention i was in an
eight-year
toxic relationship with a heroin addict
she couldn’t quote heroin
and i couldn’t quit her do i really need
to say more
so fast forward a couple years down the
road
as i was reflecting on my problems and
in an effort to solve my problems
i was enjoying a tootsie roll pop
i did that every once in a while and it
got me thinking
what if the key to personal problem
solving
is a lot like working our way through a
tootsie roll pop
right now hear me out it’s not until you
get a taste of that
sweetness do you then build up the
courage to work your way to the chewy
center now the chuwi center is the best
part
i want you to look at the chuwi center
as the solution to your problems
what are you struggling with right now
what are you going through that has a
hard outer shell to it
is it mental illness is it a
relationship is it grief
is it lost is it finishing college is it
trying to find the right career path
is it self-love the list is endless
now in order to reach your chuwi center
there is a process you must follow now
you can’t just skip it the process okay
it doesn’t work that way
for example i mean you could bite down
on this
but you don’t want to because you might
break a tooth and the last thing you
need is another problem
not to mention a high dental bill and
you don’t really
want to rush the process because you
might do more harm than good
yeah i mean you could take a hammer to
it but let’s face it
the solution to your problem at the
chubby center is worth
the wait now let’s face it how many of
you can actually take a few licks at the
tootsie pop and just put it down
am i right just like a problem you can’t
just take a few whacks at it and quit
both take determination and stick
tuitiveness both
are worth the effort and often
the solution to our problems at that
chewy
center is what’s missing in our lives
when we are hopeless when we are
suicidal and when we are depressed
when we stumble and we fall we can
forget who we
are and we can lose a sense
that we forget that there is still
beauty at the center
of our story now the center
that is your saving grace can also be a
chewy nugget of hope
it can be that light that beams through
the window when you’re about to overdose
on pills
it can be that phone call that you
receive when you’re about to pull the
trigger
it can be that aroma of jasmine in the
air that you smell
when you’re about to jump off the
building
now the day i wanted to end my life was
in fact the day
i gave up on my chewy center
but i later realized it wasn’t that i
really wanted to die
i just didn’t want to live a bad life
so the question is are you living a bad
life
do you love someone who is what problem
are you
facing that has that hard outer shell of
resistance
would you like my advice on how to reach
your chewy center
well i’m going to give you the first
lesson on licking that problem number
one select the flavor of change you
would like
to make pretty good right i know i’m
sorry i can’t be there if i was there
i would have given each and every one of
you one of these and i’m sure you’re
gonna want one at the end of this talk
select the flavor of change you would
like to make
happens change does not
you see in order to be the change in
your life you first have to want it
and to lick it change requires moving
past the past making a new future for
yourself
and most importantly is doing things
differently are you repeating the same
thought patterns
over and over and over do you find
yourself
befriending dating even marrying
different people would have the same set
of issues as the last ones
do you feel incapable of making positive
changes
you’re here been there done that well
the reason for this is because
we find ourselves in the same place
looking for the same thing
just like a tootsie pop okay let’s go
back to the tootsie pop for example
if you select the same flavor every
single time
you will never know what else is out
there and it will always taste the same
to you
you see a lot of our hesitation to
change comes from the fear of trying
something new so what do we do we go
back to our old ways
we make the same choices over and over
and ultimately over time
nothing changes so
i encourage you to do one thing
differently each day
if you want to be the change in your
life just do one thing differently every
day whether that means foregoing that
glass of red wine
replacing sweets for a workout or
replacing self negative talk with self
love
so the question is what will you do
differently
tomorrow the second lesson on licking
that problem
is to become an unwrapped version of
yourself
but don’t let it dry out now you see in
order to
find the solution to that chewy center
you must first accept the problem then
be honest about that problem
it’s all about getting past this wrapper
you see a lot of you can look at the
wrapper as a protective covering
not allowing others to see what’s inside
of you are you protecting who you are
do can you get through the day without
being wrapped what does
self-acceptance look like to you
now a lot of the reasons we choose to
keep this wrapper on
is because we don’t want to face the
music we don’t want to be judged by
others
or we don’t want to be a burden to
others this creates an identity that we
struggle to maintain
people want to know that when they
unwrap the problem
there will be a resolution not an
execution
so remember when you keep your struggles
wrapped you are only hurting yourself
help yourself by letting others
help you now let’s take this off
okay become an unwrapped version of
yourself
third lesson is to lick your way through
the hard outer shell of resistance
to that change now
tootsie pops are actually known for
their catchphrase
how many licks does it take to get to
the tootsie roll center
well depends on who you ask and the
reason for this is because
we all produce a different amount of
saliva and we all have our own style of
licking a tootsie pop
some people will simply suck on it and
savor it others will aggressively lick
it over and over
now although tootsie pops are all the
same size
problems are not
but each problem there are going to be
problems out there that actually will
take more licks than others
and sometimes you might not realize your
potential
until you exceed your own expectations
and often
the expectations of others fourth
lesson is to expose the soft chewy
center at the heart of the change you
want to make
now there comes a part in the process
when you start to taste that chewy
center
now that’s when you know you’re getting
close
finding a way to dig through is the
moment you find your chewy
center it’s the moment you preserve the
real you it’s the moment
your inner core is saved as you expose
each underlying layer you will
eventually get to the best part
chewy relief and hopefully healing
now the last lesson is to repeat steps
three and four until
you reach your chewy center
by this point you already put in the
lead work or in this case
the lick work you already know what to
do you already know what works and what
doesn’t work now it’s important that
you’re not
repeating bad behaviors bad patterns bad
choices
i’m talking about repeating what you’ve
prepared
and lastly the tootsie pop can also
represent your circle of influence
be careful with whom you share your
tootsie pop with
there will be people in this world who
get a taste of your sweetness and they
will want to take advantage of you
they will chew you up and swallow you
whole they will bite and bite until they
get what they want don’t let others be
the reason you lose your
flavor make sure you wrap yourself with
the right people
wrapped around you colorful wonderful
people
who love you who care about you and are
eager to help you lick the problem
but not the actual tootsie pop because
that’s really gross
so the question is how many licks does
it take to get to the tootsie roll
center
only you will know thanks