How to find your perfect partner
[Music]
imagine
imagine if an expert
gave you the tools that you needed in
order to attract
your perfect partner would you use them
hold on to that thought and lean in
as i tell you a love story
it’s 2001 and i am divorced
but i feel like i’m ready to get back
into the dating scene
and i want to try something new and so i
sign
up for match.com now
after a few months of very interesting
dates
a few marriage proposals and me getting
ready to give up
this attractive guy messages me and says
hey
check out my profile i really like yours
let’s connect
sincerely mr x okay
i check out mr x’s profile he seems like
a great guy
i like what he has to say so we exchange
numbers
and we end up talking that night for a
few hours
we also agree to meet at starbucks the
next day
we have a great time the next day we end
up talking
connecting and we end up dating for a
few more months
now before i continue with my story
i need to tell you a little secret
this is the same guy that just
a few days prior i had swiped over his
profile
because something didn’t resonate
honestly i don’t know exactly what it
was
but i chose to ignore that little voice
some of us call it our intuition
so why why did i choose to ignore that
little voice
why did i choose to get into another
relationship
after being divorced
it came down to the lack of one word
clarity i did not know my boundaries
i did not know my non-negotiables and i
didn’t know my values
all i knew was that this guy
treated me better than my ex-husband
who had absolutely no interest
in being intimate or vulnerable with me
and so mr x just felt better
now let me ask you guys a question
how many of you have settled
with being with someone just because
they treated you better
than your previous partner i did
and that is why i struggled and in
talking to friends
to family to clients that is the number
one reason why they struggle too
we end up getting into these
relationships these surface
relationships
where we think we know what we want and
then they end up
in massive breakups or divorce
so why is clarity the number one
thing to help you attract your perfect
partner
clarity removes everything that you
don’t want
in order to move forward into what you
do want
it helps you know exactly where you want
to go
so how do we gain clarity how do we
know exactly what we want by asking
some very important questions
questions like what are my boundaries
what are my values and what are my
non-negotiables
second how do i want my partner
to communicate with me
third how and what do i need
in order for my partner to love me
better
and lastly what is my
love language and what are some of the
things
that help me feel loved now i encourage
you
before you fill out those dating
profiles before you go on your first
date or your next date
and even if you’re in a relationship to
ask yourself
these questions now back to my story
it is now 10 years later and i am
married to mr x i am
a sad unhappy unfulfilled woman
i have become the yes woman
to all the people in my life and worse
i have become dependent on
my happiness and unhappiness on my
husband
i am sad and i am miserable and i know
that this is not the way to live
something needs to change i need to
change i feel
lost and worse i feel like a victim
so i do what a lot of people do when
they feel lost
i went on a soul-searching journey to
find myself
i read and listened to hours of
self-help books
i spent thousands of dollars on
self-help programs
i became a coach and a mentor in several
different areas
i studied the law of attraction for
hours
and had mentors like abraham hicks
ecartoli and brene brown
and although all of these pieces were a
beautiful part of my healing
they were all outside myself
and do you know where i finally found
the answer
right here inside of my heart and inside
of myself
when i realized this everything changed
i realized that i was the creator of my
own reality that i got to choose
who i wanted to be with
so how is it that this happened
how is it that i got to this
huge aha two words
self-reflection i needed to
take a long look at all my fails
at all my unhappiness and not depend on
any
anyone else if i wanted
anything to change i needed to change i
chose to be the victor and no
longer the victim so how is it
that we do self-reflection when it feels
so scary
and uncomfortable and messy
again it’s by asking some very important
questions
that may sound familiar the first one
do i honor my boundaries
my values and my non-negotiables
how do i communicate with
all of the people in my life
do i own up to my own
happiness and unhappiness
and lastly and most importantly
do i love myself enough
to make a change
so why self-reflection how and how does
it even
begin to attract your perfect partner
because if we aren’t willing to heal
those wounds
if we aren’t willing to heal those
limiting beliefs
keeping us stuck from a great
relationship
we can never attract more
than we are now it’s the law
so in self-reflecting
that was a huge piece of my healing and
now
i go back or forward to the last part of
my story
it is now 2018 and i am
loving the woman i have become i am
focusing on my own life
i am focusing on my daughter and i am
focusing
on just living the best life i can
then one day this sadness falls over me
and i realize that i crave for someone
to co-create with
someone to have beautiful adventures
with and align with the woman that i
have become
suddenly tears start streaming down my
face
and i look up
and i say where is he
where is the man that is coming to align
with me
i ask that he be brought to me that he
be shown to me
to align with who i have become
i wipe the tears from my face knowing
that by releasing the outcome he will be
led to me
and i will be led to him
it’s now a few months later and a
girlfriend and i plan to take a road
trip to portland
we’re having a great time and a few days
after we get there we decide to go out
we’re having a great time we’re dancing
when all of a sudden i bump into this
guy
i look at him and his energy is magnetic
he’s beautiful and he is someone that
feels like i have known for lifetimes
we end up spending an evening together
exchange numbers
and he leaves now
a few days later you know my girlfriend
goes home
and i get the courage to call him
and see if he can hang out for a few
more days
now we end up spending more days
together and
i just love who he is and and i really
resonate with him
this time though something’s different
i am different and i know
that i am ready i’m not ready for
another committed relationship
i know my boundaries i know my values
and i know at this point in my life
i just want to have fun besides i think
what can happen he lives three thousand
miles away
i’m in florida and he’s in portland it
was incredible
we ended up talking across three
thousand miles
for a year and a half we had great
beautiful conversations over the phone
we aligned
and we built this beautiful connection
and
ended up ascending into love we
eventually moved in together but my
favorite part
is our communication when those
messy uncomfortable conversations
that we tend to have in relationships
come up
we come from a place of love and
understanding
and self-reflection to resolve whatever
issue comes up
so wait how did i attract my perfect
partner
who attracted me
inspired action inspiration
is that thing that lights our souls on
fire
action is what moves us forward into
whatever it is that we want
so how do we take inspired action
again by asking two very important
questions
the first one is what is one false
limiting belief that is keeping me stuck
from a great relationship i am not good
enough
nobody wants me i’m to this i’m to that
and the next question is what is one
inspired action
that i can take every time i think about
this limited belief
to replace it so things like meditation
affirmations a lifestyle change a diet
change
those are all forms of inspired action
so now i have shared three tools with
you
to attract your perfect partner
and now you have a decision to make
you can stay where you are now or you
can say hell
yes to what you want and who
you want to be with
so say yes say yes to you
say yes to what you want say yes to
whatever lights your soul on fire
say yes to love and say yes
to your perfect partner who is also
out there saying yes to you
thank you
you