Old Friends New Perspectives
have you ever had someone in your life
who you couldn’t help but want to be a
little bit more like
be honest we all do my best friend beth
is that person for me
she truly has it all a happy-go-lucky
attitude
the most contagious energy and she’s
pretty much the life of any party
despite 70 years between us she’s my
rock
my confidant and my go-to girl i’ve
learned so much from her
but perhaps one of the most profound
things she’s ever said to me was this
no one teaches you how to get old the
population reference bureau reports that
we are faced with a rapidly changing
demographic
the number of americans aged 65 and
older
is projected to double by the year 2060
and this will only continue to grow
with life expectancy increasing elder
poverty rates dropping
and science improving soon one out of
five americans
will be age 65 and older this is not a
phenomena
unique to the u.s population landscape
either change is happening on a global
scale
between the years 2015 and 2050
globally the average life expectancy
will climb
8 years and the number of oldest old or
those age 80 and older
will triple the question is
what are we doing and how are we
addressing these changes
now you might be wondering what a 25
year old woman like myself knows about
getting older
my name is victoria kozar a first year
medical student at university of
connecticut school of medicine
with a passion for geriatrics and
advocacy i recently founded a geriatric
society chapter here at uconn
while advocating for older adults with
the alzheimer’s association
but most notably i took part in the
ultimate intergenerational experience
my senior year of college i took part in
the student in residence program
one of the first of its kind in the
nation for a full year i moved into
masonicare’s assisted living community
among individuals who are four to five
times my age
coming in i was so worried about what my
new neighbors would think
having a young person living in their
midst because to be honest
kids these days aren’t always painted in
the most flattering light
to my surprise i was quickly welcomed
and integrated into the community
my neighbors took me under their wings
and my routine became their routine
we ate our meals together participated
in the same daily activities
and i heard about their wants and needs
i spent my days exposed to lives i
thought would be so different from my
own
and i quickly found that that wasn’t
necessarily the case
my experience made me come face to face
with misconceptions i didn’t know i held
about aging
subconscious assumptions that were
immediately challenged
i was surrounded by individuals who had
just picked up a new skill or hobby
found love and celebrated every moment
my neighbors truly were so inspiring
one gentleman continued swimming miles
every week into his seventies
another woman excitedly set up the ipad
she got for her birthday
and one neighbor claimed she’d be young
forever as she danced around every room
she entered
this wasn’t what aging was supposed to
look like there was so much fullness in
the lives around me
something i never could have learned in
any classroom or book
most importantly i developed friendships
i never thought would be possible
friendships that still exist years later
my new friends and i had far more in
common than we ever could have imagined
we bonded over mutual interests
daily frustrations and insecurities
talking about everything
from life to loss and learning to
laugh at oneself our relationships were
not like that of a grandparent and a
grandchild
rather of genuine and sincere friends
you’d be surprised to hear that i
actually met my friend beth at a happy
hour social
bonding over our love of good food and
drinks
and handsome men but it only grew from
there
i’ve learned so much from her and gained
a deeper
appreciation and respect from growing up
in a time different than what i know
she tells me that i keep her with the
times and have her moving
and that we’re more like sisters never
having to sugarcoat things with each
other
beth has taught me to slow down to
appreciate the journey
as much as the destination and even to
look forward to growing old
and seeing all that comes from living a
long
good life the friendship we share
is a dynamic and mutually beneficial one
and one that i wish to share with others
but there is a challenge that we must
overcome
let me ask you what’s your biggest fear
heights snakes
financial instability perhaps even
public speaking like myself
how about this getting older
87 percent of americans have a fear of
getting old
whether it be loss of physical ability
cognitive decline
chronic illness or dying aging is an
unknown
it’s an uncertainty we all will be faced
with surrounded by a negative
connotation
the problem is this isn’t a fear we keep
to ourselves
it’s one that we project outwards as
well
with this fear ageism has become not
only the most widely experienced form of
discrimination
but according to the world health
organization it has become the most
socially normalized prejudice this is a
huge problem
leading to the marginalization of older
people
we see this on social media with over
4.2 million tweets about getting older
over two-thirds of them were negative
and in the workplace
with 64 of older workers personally
experiencing
or seeing others fall victim of ageism
making it clear
how poorly our aging and elderly are
being regarded
ageism and stereotypes about aging are
around us every day
even if we aren’t entirely aware of it
and it can appear harmless
a parent may dress their child up for
halloween as a grumpy old man
or a crazy cat lady or something might
be forgotten at work
and a co-worker states with a laugh oh
geez
must be my dementia acting up again
aging has become synonymous with
stagnation
and debilitation and this is deeply
ingrained
in the very fabric of our society
but what dictates what one can do in
their 60s
70s 80s or even 90s
or what these ages look like aging can’t
be a topic that is pushed off to deal
with later
or something we live in denial of it’s
happening to all of us
it is a fear that needs to be faced we
need to reframe how we view aging
and begin to embrace it together
how might we do that intergenerational
experiences and relationships
are a crucial first step to challenge
these stereotypes
and begin to bridge the generational gap
intergenerational relationships
have arisen recently as a hot topic but
are nothing new
there are day care centers set up in
nursing homes organizations like
generations united
pairing youth and older people together
in local programming and initiatives
like old friends and new
pairing graduate students with the
elderly to
abolish stereotypes held by young and
older light and cultivate friendships
research has proven that
intergenerational relationships
are invaluable to all who partake
activities that give older people a
sense of purpose has been shown
to prevent isolation and loneliness and
even
to slow cognitive decline children and
young adults who are involved in
intergenerational experiences
are not only less ageist but better
adjusted and have a more positive
outlook
on aging best of all the world health
organization has found
that those who have a more positive
outlook on aging can expect a 7.5 year
increase in their own life expectancy
and who doesn’t like the sound of that
some of my
fondest memories from college were the
weekends that my school friends came to
hang out in the neighborhood the sound
of laughter over a game of bingo
enjoying a favorite family recipe we
made together
sharing music from our childhoods i
remember one neighbor in particular
saying
i don’t remember there was this much
life in a room and my friends asked if
they could do this every weekend
i saw from my experiences how
intergenerational relationships
can be transformative strengthening
communities
and bringing people together with the
potential to change
how we as a society treat aging
in a world that’s continually expanding
and globalizing
it’s important now more than ever to
stay connected
with people of all ages programs that
propagate these relationships
are so important and together we can be
at the forefront
so let’s lead by example and make time
for the older people in our lives
whether it be a family member
a neighbor or the person who strikes up
a conversation with you at the grocery
store next week
and encourage others to follow suit
getting older is inevitable so we might
as well enjoy the ride
by opening our minds and reframing how
we view aging
we can learn today to live a better
tomorrow
for ourselves for our children
and ultimately the future no one might
teach you how to get old
but who says we have to thank you so
much