Empower to reDefine
at a young age
children to begin to develop a sense of
what’s normal for boys and girls
boys with cars and girls sleep with
dolls but my mother taught me to do what
i loved
regardless of whether it was for boys or
not so i became the only male gymnast in
the year
the only boy who preferred drawing to
football
and the difference between the other
boys and i used to be pretty much
unnoticeable
until one day in grade seven and i
remember this day very vividly in my
head
i look up to my sister and i used to
copy her behavior so naturally some of
the behavioral dispositions that i
garnered over the following years
were deemed relatively feminine you know
how girls sit with their legs crossed
with one leg over the other
when they’re wearing a dress i had to
sit like that because i thought that was
normal
i was sitting in english class reading a
book on a sofa with one leg crossed over
the other
and one boy comes up to me and says yash
what are you doing that is such a girly
and gay way of sitting
i was stunned what did he mean by a
girly way of sitting
how could only girls sit in a certain
way what was gay
these thoughts were running through my
mind and just as i tried to compose
myself
and respond to him another classmate
chimed in
yash why are you copying the girls
that’s not normal for guys
and i was confused and bit by bit
classmates and classmates started
joining in
asking me why i was copying the girls
and why i wasn’t comfortable with being
a boy
i was really utterly confused how could
the behavior that i copied from my
sister
caused so much uproar i didn’t know that
there’s a manually way of sitting on a
sofa
so in all that confusion i did the worst
thing possible
i got up cried and ran out of the room
and you see this was problematic because
as we all know
boys don’t cry so by the end of the day
the entire grid had found out that i had
cried because someone had made fun of me
and that was the day that i found out
there was this big
dividing line between the other boys and
i
as the years progressed i was bullied
harassed called gay
homo and boys refused to use the urinals
next to me because quote unquote
you’re such a yash i don’t want you
looking at my dick
i didn’t know what to do so i try to
disappear i force myself to conform to
gender
society’s gender structures i hid in the
bathroom during lunch and deleted social
media
i wasn’t comfortable with being
different when people ask me
yash what sport do you do instead of
saying that i trained 21 hours a week as
a gymnast
i said uh i don’t exercise because i
didn’t want that awkward judging phase
when someone always asks me but yes
gymnastics is a sport for girls isn’t it
i threw away the blue pair of vans that
were too girly for guys
and i grew my hair out of that gay
hairstyle i was not in trend for grade
nine
bit by bit i changed i let society mold
me removing the undesirable
characteristics and replacing them with
what was called manly
i evolved society has attributed certain
mannerisms
and ways of presenting yourself into two
categories masculine and feminine
or as i like to call them the normal and
the other
depending on your gender what you do
what you wear and how you present
yourself in societies either
aimed normal or the other you’re either
different or you’re normal
you’re either different to the norm
which is the norm of being
part of the patriarchy and this is
inherently problematic
because the idea that we are either
normal
or the other is detrimental to the idea
of being a man
because if we see that i am different
it is increa incredibly incredibly
detrimental
if we alienate people who are different
to the norm we are not promoting equity
for men we associate femininity with
weakness and masculinity with an
inherent strength
we parade masculinity and this
perpetuates toxic norms around men’s
mental health because we
relate masculinity to machismo the idea
of being emotionally and financially
strong
so once again the most common norm is
boys don’t cry
i suffer from a classic case of toxic
masculinity the idea that all boys had
to present themselves
as a certain way in society the certain
way being once again the social norm of
being a man
and this again once again is problematic
because
the idea that every man has to be
presenting themselves in a certain way
perpetuates domination aggression and
homophobia
but here i want to introduce you to some
new ideas and a term that is often
overlooked in this discussion
hegemonic masculinity hegemonic
masculinity is the practice which
legitimizes men’s dominant position
in society by asserting that there are
domination and subordination between men
and women
but this is where it gets interesting
because it’s not just men dominating
women
and reaping the benefits of emotionally
and financially suppressing women
but there’s also men dominating what is
deemed to be not a real man
because in this model there are four
categories
there’s the hegemonic the complicit the
subordinate and the marginalized
men who either promulgate the system of
hegemonic masculinity
and reap the benefits of suppressing
women fall into the first category
but those who are complicit do not
promulgate the system however they do
accept it
they allow women to be suppressed they
allow women to be oppressed
but those who fall into the other
categories are completely different
a subordinate is someone who doesn’t
practice gender in the same way
that the first two categories first two
categories do
a subordinate thereby is either a
homosexual and then therefore
deemed not a real man a marginalized man
is someone who cannot practice gender in
the same way largely due to other forms
of social physical constraints
namely racism or disability
the power interplay between these two
different categories is inherently
detrimental
as it not only implicates a sense of
misogyny between the between men and
women because
there is this hierarchical relationship
but it also inculcates a sense of
homophobia
discrimination and other forms of mental
taxation
heteronormativity and hegemonic
masculinity look at the world in black
and white
it basically looks at gender as a binary
construct and asserts that
heterosexuality is the default preferred
or normal mode of sexual orientation
that masculinity is aggressive
that masculinity is active while femi
whilst femininity
is passive and it is responsible and
responsive to the male sexuality
it essentially serves as a mechanism to
enable the patriarchy
by establishing this somewhat
hierarchical relationship between men
and women
because of the gender standards set by
the patriarchy
men either fear being vulnerable
leading them to question am i man enough
and they either fear
some that or something else even worse
they fear being destaged from the
heteronormative expectation of being the
breadwinner for their family
men are forced into these binary
behavioral standards where
it dictates the way that one
gesticulates and it dictates the career
path that one takes
but because this is so incredibly
detrimental we have to examine it
because heteronormativity and hegemonic
masculinity inculcates misogyny
by allowing there to be this
hierarchical relationship it’s actually
creating the potential for the
actualization
of violence against women as we can see
in rape culture
the explicit violence against women is
the sum of latent forms of cultural
aggression
and cultural oppression the pervasive
sense of degradation
the assertion that women do not have
agency and the constant victimization of
women
leads to violence against women if we do
not tackle the misogynistic attitudes
beliefs and assumptions in society
women will never be safe we have long
focused on the systemic oppression
against women
but not the root cause of the problem
the men who commit these acts of
discrimination
society needs to teach men to not
perpetrate discrimination and not teach
women to avoid victimhood
i believe that there is a relationship
between tackling toxic masculinity and
supporting feminism
and it all lies in our definition of
what it means to be a boy and what it
means to be a girl
it lies in our definition of femininity
and masculinity
by empowering boys to tackle the
heteronormative expectation of gender
we can actually influence a cultural
change because all it takes
is changing 10 of people’s assumptions
to influence the majority
by making boys comfortable in their own
skin as they grow up
we can enable this confrontation by
allowing them to
engage in activities that are not deemed
normal for boys
and allowing them to understand it’s not
it’s okay to not be okay
we allow them to change the culture of
society
the mental health stigma revolving
around men
is incredibly detrimental and it is
literally killing them
the suicide rate for men is 3.5 times
higher than it is for women
and this is largely due to the
traditional gender roles that men
shouldn’t be engaging with their
emotions
that masculinity needs you to present
yourself as persistently
persistently powerful persistently
assertive
but mental health is a sign of person
lack of personal fortitude so how is
that strong
that doesn’t associate itself with what
we deem to be a man
so as we can see and the american
psychological association concurs toxic
masculinity
leads to increased rates of depression
mental health issues and the
under-reporting of mental health issues
we should teach children to be angry
with society we should teach children to
be angry with gender
because gender is as adichie puts it a
grave injustice
and we do a great disservice to boys on
how we raise them
by defining masculinity so narrowly we
make it into a tight cage
and teach boys to fear vulnerability we
teach boys to fear emasculation
and the rising power of women when
instead we should be teaching them to
value and respect all
that is the essence of feminism as we
can see
there is a responsibility that falls on
us all of us
not just the future change makers of the
world in the room but the parents
and the educators as well why here i’d
like to delve into the theoretical
underpinnings
of gender and gender expression now i
don’t want to inundate you with a whole
bunch of things that you’re going to
forget the moment you walk out the store
so i’m going to present to you a
synthesis a synthesis of theories from
different
uh backgrounds showing you that the true
perpetrator discrimination
is society and its teachings in judith
butler’s argument on gender
performativity
she declares that being born male or
being born female doesn’t determine the
way you
act instead we align ourselves to fit in
with society
in gender schema theory bem says that
from the early stage of social and
societal development
we change ourselves to fit in with the
cultural norm of that specific gender
and in heidegger’s ex and heidegger’s
existential approach to the meaning of
human life and the human condition
he states that we have two masks an
internal mask
and a social mask our internal mask is
our true self but we hide that
we hide that with our social mask which
is consisting of what society wants us
to be
so as we can see society is to blame
society defines who we are because it
defines the normative expression of
gender
and it determines social structures
but what can we do as a society we need
to work towards redefining what it means
to be a boy
and what it means to be a girl but how
can we do that through
education reform schools
are the basis for our interactions in
society
it teaches us how to work and how to
work and play
and teach each other in society its
teachings range from all kinds of things
such as economics
and science to mathematics and music but
not many schools talk about issues such
as feminism
such as gender stereotypes toxic
masculinity and other issues that arise
thereof
it is imperative for schools to start
talking about these issues
it is imperative for us to start
discussing feminism to start discussing
gender stereotypes gender injustice
in order to cultivate equity for the
future the pervasive phenomenon of toxic
masculinity
is inherently detrimental it cultivates
and exacerbates misogynistic mindsets
which hinders feminism in the future
behind me is a survey conducted by our
lgbtqia plus organization in school
two years ago it was talking about
homophobia and how it manifests in
school
the majority respondents stated that
homophobia manifests in off-handed
remarks
with many stating that these were often
unintentional
unintentional off-handed remarks often
stem from
a lack of education a lack of awareness
and a lack of sympathy
and then these manifest in even more
terrible ways
of homophobic bullying such as exclusion
and hate crime
but what interested me the most was that
many people stated
that these issues were largely systemic
these issues
were from the administration because the
administration did not act upon nor
acknowledge homophobic bullying
we need to recognize teachers as agents
of change who can influence the future
generations who can influence our
mindsets and inculcate an open minded
nature
because when a teacher does not treat a
homophobic remark
in the same way that they would treat
another remark of a derogatory nature
they are in itself perpetuating
discrimination
and perpetrating homophobia behind me
are other forms of gender-based
injustice that students in our school
have faced
and these are direct quotes taken from
surveys or interactions with students in
our school
we have long focused on the systemic
oppression of women but not the root of
the problem as i said before
because we need to look at the root of
problem not only being the way that we
raise boys
but the way that we educate them as well
we need education reform and personal
social education modules for not only
students
but teachers we need to teach teachers
how to teach these students
and how to influence them to become
feminists we need to introduce them to
topics such as intersectionality
in order to inculcate a feminist culture
because then and only then
can we start to teach them about bigger
issues such as misogyny
and influence change in the future and
then then and only then
can we start to empower individuals to
become their true selves
when we redefine what it means to be a
girl in society we can work towards
inhibiting sexualization and
objectification
thus removing the potential for
self-image problems
and decreasing the ability for women to
feel shame and anxiety
and the ability for men to perpetrate
hate crime against women
i wanted to give you this ted talk today
because i wanted to try and empower you
to define yourself for who you wish to
be and not what other people wish you to
be
i want you to go home and look at
yourself in the mirror and appreciate
yourself for who you truly are
because god knows how long it took me to
do so it took me a very long time
to overcome toxic masculinity and
appreciate who i really was on the
inside
i’m yash mahajan a senior ready to
graduate from high school and attend the
university of pennsylvania
an artist a gymnast a feminist
someone who has finally appreciated
himself for who he truly is
a boy who’s finally built up that wall
of confidence that can no longer be torn
down by derision
a boy who realized that there’s no point
hiding who he is because if he wants to
make a change
he has to understand that he is
different but
when i leave i think i’m going to leave
happy
that’s very strange isn’t it because
most graduates don’t want to be happy
when they leave they’re going to miss
their school
but i think that i’m leaving behind a
legacy and this does
make me happy because the legacy that i
leave behind is that it’s okay to be
different
because different is just normal in
another context
thank you