The Power of Meaningful Networking
let’s play a game
of word association one of the first
words that pop into your mind
when i say networking dull maybe
superficial awkward sales people
networking has a stigma of being an
environment in which
people online or offline are faking the
best version of themselves into in order
to convince other people to do business
with them as quickly as possible
and yet despite this negative stereotype
it is still seen as one of the most
crucial skills
in the toolkit of most professions
especially if you have ambitions for
career progression
and even more so if you’re starting your
own business
personally i realized the value of
networking around five years ago
when i became a student member of the
institute of directors
it was here that i learned to network
professionally and then through linkedin
local
i learned to make it meaningful
and i believe that developing this skill
meaningful networking
is the primary reason that i have not
had to apply for a single job role in
over five years
despite changing careers and industries
and climbing the career ladder
several times i’ve had opportunities
come through former colleagues
through people i’ve met at events and
once most ridiculously
whilst i was on a first date in an
indian restaurant called mangoes
i’ll tell you about that one at the end
so stick around
the point is opportunities have
seemingly fallen into my lap
in a way that continues to baffle myself
and my friends and family
and has earned me the reputation for
being lucky
what i would like to share with you
today is why i believe that
meaningful networking has been the
single greatest contributor to my good
luck
and some stories that i hope will help
you to transform superficial
and surface level interactions into
meaningful opportunities
to form genuine connections
because networking and the importance of
networking
is something that is drilled into us
from a surprisingly early age
you know we hear sayings like your
network is your net worth
and it’s not what you know it’s who you
know
these sayings are a recognition that
almost all opportunities that fall into
the laps of the lucky have come
through a person who knows them let me
say that again
almost all luck comes through other
people
see i believe that luck is an active
process
yes random chance plays a role but it is
massively influenced by the people who
know you
like how did i come to be standing here
today doing a tedx
and i mapped out every person i had to
meet to be here
and there are a surprising number of
ways that this might never have happened
so many conversations that each which i
had to take seriously
regardless of who i was talking to going
way back to
a single conversation with a student at
a university networking event over four
years ago that if i hadn’t taken him
seriously
i wouldn’t have been here you have to be
consistent with your approach to
networking because in order to be in the
right place at the right time
you first have to be out there to be
found
some opportunities will slap you in the
face and ask if you’re paying attention
but most of them look within the nuances
of a conversation
that must be carefully uncovered you
need to be prepared for both of these
extremes and everything in between the
two
because consistent networking can
increase your chances
of positive occurrences especially if
you didn’t inherit a network from your
family or from your school
so it’s important now
if i were to ask you what’s the hardest
part of networking what would you say
and i asked my linkedin network this
question and most people particularly
young people
say that they find starting a
conversation with a stranger the hardest
and there is no doubt that this is
incredibly awkward for everyone
including me
you know that the butterflies you get in
the stomach that i have right now
um that you know when you make that
dreaded eye contact and
say hi
[Music]
ultimately it’s the prospect of
rejection that drives this fear
what if they say they don’t want to talk
to me
and this is where the magical context of
networking steps in to reassure us
just say hello this other person has
literally come to this place
with the intention of meeting new people
your chances of social rejection
have never been lower like i remember
being at my first psychology social as a
plymouth university fresher
and it was an aquarium of all places and
i spent the first 45 minutes or so
walking around by myself sipping
champagne
staring at fish getting gradually more
lonely
and then i realized hang on a minute if
i’m feeling this way
chances are all of these other people
who are walking around by themselves are
feeling exactly the same thing
and that realization gave me the
confidence to approach my first person
and we formed a group that then spent
the rest of the evening
finding anyone else who was by
themselves and inviting them to join us
and let me tell you the look of relief
on their faces when we did
was incredible and i’ve still got many
good friends that i met that night
because you see these environments have
naturally attracted a group of people
who want to talk to you so throw
yourself into it
experiment with different ways of
introducing yourself and your confidence
will naturally build
treat it like a rejection free social
playground and have
fun with it so
we’ve managed to say hello but now how
do we make this conversation
meaningful and memorable i’ve got
various tips for this but
ultimately what it boils down to is
curiosity
and actually giving a
so when i’m networking i play a game how
fast can i find something about this
person
that i find genuinely fascinating
usually this will be whatever they’re
most passionate about which might not be
their job it’s often not
if i fail to find it it’s because i
didn’t ask good enough questions
we’ve all experienced it you know when
you ask that question
and it lights a spark in the eyes of the
other person and the conversation comes
alive
it is your job in any networking
interaction
to light that fire in the other person
and to do that you’re gonna have to do
more than just asking what their job
title is
you know why do they enjoy their job
what drove them to start that business
these motivation-based questions will
get you past social niceties
show a genuine curiosity and people will
always love that you asked
and cared about you’ve got to care about
the answer don’t just be waiting for
your turn to speak
now another part of networking that
particularly students find challenging
is finding yourself in a conversation
with someone who is
your professional superior and i
struggled myself with this
constantly as a student member of the
iod
you know what value could i a mere
student possibly bring to the ceos of
companies right
and for starters there’s loads of value
you can bring just look up reverse
mentoring
but the trick here really is to steer
yourself onto familiar ground
so for example picture the scene i’m a
networking event
and i’m a student so i’m making the most
of the free wine and nibbles obviously
and i finally get the courage to
approach a guy who quickly reveals
that he is a managing director of
mercedes-benz uk
and you know that moment where you
already felt like you were massively out
of your depth merely by being in a room
and then you find yourself going from
here to here
yeah that was me in that moment what
could i possibly say to be interesting
to this guy
don’t suppose there’s any jobs going
internships
no fortunately i didn’t embarrass myself
by begging for a job
instead my mind flipped immediately back
to a marketing lecture i’d been in the
day before
and i simply said this is going to sound
a bit random but
i’m kind of curious to know how mercedes
approach customer segmentation
now the beauty of a question like that
beyond just being quite an interesting
question
is that one of two things will happen
either you’re about to learn something
because they’re going to school you in a
practical application of something that
you’ve just learned in theory
or has happened to me you’re going to
have found your way to add meaningful
input
when he responds you know it’s funny you
mentioned that because we’re actually
working on a brand new strategy right
now to try and figure out how to
reposition ourselves with millennials
bingo and so unfolds a stimulating
discussion
in which i can have meaningful input
simply because i read a textbook on it
the day before
and he hadn’t meaning i might even have
been more of an expert than him in the
topic at that time
so steer yourself onto familiar ground
maybe even prime yourself with some
topics
before entering the room
so the next part of networking is what
most people
who experience networking regularly will
agree is the hardest part
closing conversations awkward
first things first a question for you
let’s say you’re at a house party you’re
on a night out
and someone starts talking to you who
let’s just say not your type
what do you say to get out of that
conversation
thought about it let me guess i just
need to get another drink
whilst you’ve got a full cocktail in
hand or is it
i need to go to the toilet again
first things first please do not lie
your way out of a conversation during a
networking event
people can tell and it will probably
backfire on you because if you say
you’re going for a drink they’ll
probably come with you
and if you say you’re going to go to the
toilet there’s only so many times you
can do that before they will see you
walk across the room and start a
conversation with someone else
or if you really commit and go to the
toilet each time
they may come away thinking you’ve got a
bladder problem or worse a drinking
problem
but here’s where the context of
networking can step in to save us once
again
this other person literally came to this
place to meet
multiple new people same as you so just
be honest about it
but for what it’s worth here are a few
tips of things that you can do to add
value and close the conversation
down step number one make an
introduction
especially if there’s an area of mutual
interest this is one of the easiest ways
of having
adding value that requires no expertise
whatsoever
they will always thank you for doing it
and you can move on because they’re
about to go through exactly the same
introductory conversations that you’ve
already heard
but let’s say you don’t have anyone to
introduce them to yet what do you do
then
well ask them what person business or
industry are they interested in
connecting with tonight
and when they respond something like
tech startups
you say brilliant well if i meet any
other tech startups here this evening
i’ll bring them over and introduce you
you’re going to get a genuine thank you
straight away despite the fact that
you’ve done bugger rule to help them yet
and you can immediately follow and say
well great i’ll let you keep circling to
meet new people
and in the meantime i’ll keep an eye out
for tech startups for you
at which point they’re going to be
delighted for you to go and start new
conversations because
you’re helping them by being on the
lookout it’s almost like you’ve done
them a favor
by ending the conversation magic
so that’s the hardest part out the way
but arguably not the most important
hopefully at this point you’ve built
some rapport
but it can all be for virtually nothing
if you fail to follow
up most often i start following up by
reaching out with a personalized
connection request on linkedin
afterwards aft afterwards
why personalized i mean we just met that
night they know it’s me they’re going to
accept why bother personalizing
and there are two good reasons to always
always do this
number one you can continue building the
relationship by remarking back on
something that struck you from your
conversation
like i don’t know i really enjoyed
discussing how we might reposition
mercedes with millennials
for example they’re probably going to
reply to a message like that
and the conversation will continue but
the second and perhaps even more
important reason
is that this now acts as a permanent
reminder for both you
and them of who you are how you met
and some key things from your
conversation
this future context setter is gold dust
if you end up wanting to follow up with
them in a year or two’s time with an ask
or just to arrange a call
they’re going to remember who you are
and they’re going to be much more likely
to give you the time of day as a result
plus if you see them at another
networking event and you can’t remember
the detail
whip out your linkedin app look them up
and hey presto you’ve jogged your memory
i have used this trick to save my skin
countless times
and i am painfully aware that i’m giving
away one of my best tricks here so
let me just apologize in advance if you
catch me doing this on you
as a networking event and even more if i
forget your name because i’m rubbish
with them so
apologies i am trying i promise
well right back at the start i promised
you that i would tell you the story
of how i got a job uh when i was on a
first date in an indian restaurant
and i’ll stay true to my word because as
weird opportunities go i’m to struggle
to beat it in just
sheer surrealness so i’m on the date
and it’s three days before the eu
referendum which is an
important piece of context because
inevitably
we started talking about it and me being
the constant
theorist and enthusiast i was setting
out what i thought was going to happen
and why i was wholeheartedly wrong
by the way but fortunately that doesn’t
matter for the story because the next
thing we know we suddenly hear
excuse me but i couldn’t help but
overhear your conversation
and as i look up and see a white
middle-aged
balding man my stomach drops
because straight away i’m thinking oh
god i’m on a first date and i’m about to
get into a heated debate with a complete
stranger about brexit
this is going to make for a fantastic
first impression
but fortunately that’s not what he said
instead he simply said
i have no idea what you do but i like
the way you’re putting your thoughts
together
i own a business near here and if you’re
ever on the lookout for work give me a
call
with that he gives me his business card
he walks straight out the restaurant
leaving us stunned
until eventually my date broke the
silence by saying
did you set that up to be impressive
or do you always get offered jobs when
you go out to dinner
now weird as it is to say these kinds of
surreal lucky
serendipitous opportunities will come
your way more and more if you get
consistent
with building meaningful networks and
relationships over a long
period of time i myself it’s how i come
to stand here today as a 28 year old
who is director of digital and community
for the planet mark
who consistently collaborates on a
weekly basis with
the disney’s form of head of innovation
and creativity
and now i’m doing a bloody tedx talk yes
i continue to pinch myself
how is this possible
think about it compound interest
when we first start work we are told to
invest in our pensions as early as
possible it’s drilled into us invest in
your pensions
because the earlier and the more
consistently you invest the more
valuable it will become
thanks to the miracle of compound
interest i would like to suggest to you
that the same is true
of relationships and networks the
earlier you start investing and the more
consistently you invest in them
the more valuable they will become for
you and not just in a crude financial
sense
but in terms of the friendships the
emotional support and the
wider opportunities that people that you
meet will bring to you
and this is why i believe that
meaningful networking is
the most important skill that we can
teach to people particularly
young people because it gives them the
opportunity to create lasting
relationships with people
who will remember who they are what
they’re good at
and the fact that they took the time to
be curious about things beyond their job
title
so get out there head out to a
networking event near you online or
offline it’s coveted season after all
put these skills into practice and then
follow up with me
with a personalized message on linkedin
to let me know how you got on thank you