The Power of Support
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
on may 18 of 2008 i was pronounced
clinically dead
when i revived three minutes later it
was immediately clear that i was in dire
need of support i did not have
i knew i had to make some major changes
and it was time to leave the violent
relationship i had endured
that’s me about two months prior to this
event standing outside the crime scene
in the united states one in four women
and one in nine men experience severe
intimate partner violence in the form of
physical sexual emotional verbal and
financial abuse and stalking
all of which often result in injury
fearfulness post post-traumatic stress
disorder and a name for a need for crime
victims treatment
14 of homicides 70 of which happen to
females and 30 to men
are the result of intimate partner
violence
of those who survive an estimated 94 to
99 percent will also experience economic
abuse
when i think of these facts i’m reminded
of the people who question why i didn’t
just leave or why i wasn’t smart enough
to realize
he was unsafe
i remember those who called me stupid
and weak
or questioned my credibility
most memorable are the ones who said
they didn’t want to know it all because
there was nothing they could do
my lack of support and safety directly
correlated with my circumstances
and i knew if things were going to
change i needed the right support system
this is maslow’s hierarchy of needs
psychologist abraham maslow theorized
that a person cannot thrive if their
basic physiological needs are not met
physiological needs include things like
shelter safe shelter water electricity
utilities
safety needs include things like knowing
that your home is safe from abuse
knowing that your home is safe from
threat knowing that your home is not
going to be taken away from you
a person who lives in fear for their or
their children or their pets lives
cannot excuse me cannot active excuse me
cannot achieve or maintain safety love
belongingless belongingness self-esteem
or self-actualization
therefore a person experiencing intimate
partner violence and especially economic
abuse is essentially disabled from
leaving
despite coming from an affluent
background where my physiological needs
and safety were met i still had no
support
after being revived in the er i was
fortunate to be connected with a
survivor advocate who shared information
for community support resources and she
encouraged me to share my narrative
shortly after i began attending a
survivor support group where i learned
that economic abuse had fulfilled this
former partner’s ability to exert power
and control over me
which resulted in him taking my life
in the process of healing and reclaiming
myself i developed what i call my stem
theory
stem is an acronym for support time
energy and money
think of it sort of like a plant
at the root you have support which are
your friends and your family the people
in your community who care about you and
champion you to your success
people who mentor you and encourage you
to stay ahead
tea time those are the seeds
the time that’s invested in pursuing
life-affirming and fruitful ventures
that will help you to get ahead e is
energy those are the branches
when you wisely invest that time and
energy excuse me the energy
and you allocate it the right way these
lead to lucrative opportunities that
will ultimately help you to make m money
those are the leaves
the fruit of your labor
many people want to invest in you but
they will definitely want to invest in
you and they observe you growing and
being successful
if intimate partner violence survivors
are going to reach self-actualization
they must be empowered to attain
financial freedom from abusers
western society dictates that money is
the most important important currency by
which we transact
my experience taught me
that support is the most powerful form
of currency on this planet
it transcends
socioeconomic status gender ethnicity
religion age and any other identifier
that humans use to define themselves
when we intentionally combine that with
well-managed time energy and money
anything is possible
economic abuse is debilitating on many
levels socially financially
physiologically
emotionally spiritually
but most importantly
it cuts off a person’s stem
without which they cannot thrive
in 2008 when i began my second life i
transcended surviving and began thriving
by cultivating my stem
i did this by utilizing my system of
support and
in
exercising what i call extreme self-care
i regained my mind body and spirit
health by participating in art based
healing circles with other survivors and
engaging in frequent journaling and
reflection
exercises as well
i attended to me and i reclaimed me
so i’m here today to tell you that if
you or anybody you know are experiencing
intimate partner violence you can
develop your stem today by connecting
with helping professionals who can help
you align with community resources and
help you to get a safe space for you to
speak your truth
and champion your health and your safety
you can manage and cultivate your energy
to align with your unique gifts talents
and abilities to free yourself from all
forms of intimate partner violence
i believe that in doing this you will be
set on an economic path of freedom which
is a form of self-actualization
if you can sew a button if you can cook
a meal care for others walk a dog or
drive you can leverage any skill to
achieve economic freedom
because of those amazing women healers
who took me under their wings and
supported me with their time and energy
i was able to reclaim myself while
identifying my own strengths
this is what gave me the ability to
become an entrepreneur a speaker and the
brand ambassador that i am today
i want to leave you with this final
thought that survival is living in
vigilance over one’s physical safety
needs
however thriving is evolving to a place
of stable secure and safe realization of
your autonomy
with a system that thrives toward a stem
victims are transformed into those who
live victoriously
i’m andrea sasha ortiz and i would not
be here today
without a powerful stem
and i believe in the power of support
thank you for listening
[Applause]