My prison paintings began with PAIN
[Applause]
greetings everyone
[Music]
i have to confess i never expected to be
here today
i’m going to ask you all to picture in
your mind
a pure white canvas
now painted completely black
by july of 1983 that best represents
how i felt about my life in complete
darkness
although my despair and emotional
distress
were just that bad it is not in any way
an excuse
for the acts of violence for which i’m
deeply ashamed
hold myself responsible for
and regret every day of my life for the
last 36 years
i’m here today only because it was my
father who asked me
to surrender to the police rather than
take my own life
and he later told me phil life is not
over
it’s just going to be different take
what you know
and have learned to help others
during the 15 months of counseling
before my trial my counselor got me to
understand
that suicide is not the answer to my
problems
and that it would have been
heartbreaking for those who love me
for the rest of their lives
it was also artwork that helped pull me
out of this most painful period of my
life
by starting to do drawings almost every
day which was very therapeutic
after sentencing and entering the prison
system
i was asked if i wanted to put in for a
certain facility
and requested attica what etika
are you nuts and maybe some of you
had the same sentiment when you received
your invitation to this event
well for me attica was close to home
so that my parents family and friends
could visit
and i had read an article in the buffalo
evening news about a great art club they
had here
arriving at the attica correctional
facility
i learned that the art club had been
disbanded a month prior
that was discouraging however
i was placed in a commercial art class
which i didn’t know they had here
and unfortunately due to budget cuts was
discontinued in the mid-1990s
derrick an inmate teacher’s assistant
who became my mentor in this art
class asked what medium i’d like to go
into
pointing to a painting nearby i said i
want to do that
i was told it was a watercolor the
toughest of the painting mediums
that’s exactly what i wanted i wanted a
challenge
no i needed a challenge for something to
live for
i was so excited to receive watercolor
brushes
paints paper
showing a few basic techniques and given
some sound advice
to always get a good critique and a good
critique
is not just what you hope to hear but
also
and especially what you need to hear
genuine constructive criticism has been
responsible for improving my art ability
as well as my life in general which is
helpful
in an effort to being a better artist
and a better person
derek asked if i’d like to donate my
first watercolor
to the 1986 buffalo philharmonic
fundraiser
i didn’t think it was very good but he
assured me it had merit
i was pleased when it raised a hundred
dollars for them
and it felt good to be able to make a
positive contribution to society
this gave me another purpose for doing
artwork
making it possible to express my
contrition
in a sincere gesture for the grief i
feel for
for my victims and the harm i’ve caused
other art projects have been used to
help
the crime victims fund hope of buffalo
the kemer neighborhood watch group
the national national international
special olympics
and the law enforcement torch running
events
one of the hardest adjustments being
behind bars
was i missed my best friends who could
not visit but it’s been through my
paintings
that i’ve been given a fantastic way to
remember
[Music]
the siberian huskies that i had
i’m the one in the middle with the hat
and the brown beard mustache
and also the things i had done and the
many places i had traveled to
like my mom and said places that many
only experience through national
geographic magazines
like antarctica
new zealand tahiti
hawaii
and alaska
[Music]
the most amazing event in my life
happened when i did a painting
to thank that person for all the
counseling he gave me in jail
at a baptism reception for his
granddaughter
the baby’s godmother was walking around
and stopped to admire a painting
he asked her if she liked it and
mentioned that
an inmate at attica had done it for him
she replied that
she knew someone had adequate too and
added that
they had dated in 1972 but circumstances
had separated them
can you imagine her surprise when he
told her that the painting she liked so
much
was done by the same person she knew in
72
the godmother was kathy a phenomenal
woman
and my first love a few years later
we were reunited after a number of other
unusual circumstances
and in august we celebrated 25 years
together
as husband and wife
thank you
in 1998 i started using another medium
acrylics and was also introduced to the
camouflage
art of bev doolittle who blends images
into the background of her paintings
i did the same thing with my huge
13-foot by 28-foot forest mural
which is in the chapel mess hall
i can’t help but grin when i see
someone’s arm
shoot up pointing to the mural after
finding some of the 38
faces and animals that you have to
hunt for many even
find things that weren’t even
intentionally put in the mural
leather work was another creative
adventure that i got involved in
making and designing purses i especially
enjoyed
combining artwork and leather work and
doing wallets
bible covers
and gun slings
after the attacks on september 11 2001
the attica administration asked me to
make a 3d memorial
to commemorate the tragic events of that
day
it was made with over a thousand pieces
of corrugated cardboard
spackling burlap and believe it or not
glue and toilet paper
this was a very solemn project for me
and a personal one
because i had toured new york city when
i was stationed on governor’s island
while on the u.s coast guard it was my
way to honor the first responders
which included many coast guard port
security units
in 2013 i got others involved
to use their talents by starting the
kite artwork team
for the attica active veterans group to
help our homeless veterans
and also its knitting squad who crochet
items for the children of disabled and
needy veterans
one guy named ellis expressed an
interest
in doing a kite but said he had little
art experience
i gave him some simple steps in painting
and with a little
encouraging guidance along the way he
produced this
awesome iron man kite it was one of the
favorites at the come fly a kite
for homeless veterans event
and let me tell you his smile of
accomplishment
was priceless
through artwork i’ve been able to convey
a message
of what i’ve learned about crime and
punishment
and quite a few paintings were done
about repentance
my friend murph recently pointed out to
me
that the word pain makes up the first
four letters of painting
and it was from paint that i started
painting
interesting enough the inspiration for
art and cell window perspective
came from a bible verse sometimes it
takes a painful experience to make us
change our ways
and a quote by the philosopher george
santiana
those who cannot remember the past are
condemned to repeat it
everything seen in the painting is
repeated again
and again and again in the drawing held
by the inmate
who resembles me before my update to a
solar energy panel
believe me at my age i need it and
besides
as you can see i’d already gone green my
dad was right
life has been different and i never
expected that
incarceration would give me a second
chance at a life worth living
and happiness it has certainly been a
healing and redemptive
experience as well as an exciting and
rewarding journey
my call to action is this just as
artwork and hobby crafts have done all
this for me these programs need to be
promoted
and funded so that they can do the same
for others while they’re incarcerated
which will benefit them the prison
environment
and when released society
thank you
[Applause]
you