Prisoners of the Mind
imagine
waking up every day totally consumed by
pain
migraines insomnia and uncontrollable
thoughts of ending it all fill every
minute
you begin to hate watching the sun rise
for everyone else light signals a new
day filled with opportunity
for you memories of joyful moments
continue fading to black
and when the sun sets crawling inside a
bottle is the only thing that seems to
numb the shame you feel from constantly
letting your loved ones down
imagine taking 12 different
prescriptions each day yet finding zero
relief
you were literally a prisoner of your
own mind
and you share a cell with rage
this is the reality of those living with
a traumatic brain injury
after years of blast exposure while
serving on the military bomb squad
combined with years of repeated blows to
the head from combat sports
this was my reality
i watched the man i once was disappear
as i begged doctors for help
they treated me with a mountain of pills
none of which provided any relief
each new pill added to my daily dose
just made the migraines sleeplessness
and suicidal thoughts worse
and in april 2015 after two years of
pleading with countless doctors
and no break from the pain i finally
gave in to my dark passenger telling me
to end it all
i was ready to find my relief inside the
muzzle of my 45
provided instantly with just the trigger
squeeze
a knock on my door and daddy are you
okay
from my four-year-old son was just
enough to stop me from transferring all
my pain directly to him
his tiny scared voice from that night is
permanently etched in my memory
i’m so grateful i didn’t make my son
carry the burdens that were too tough
for me to bear
every time i share this experience with
someone i’m reminded of how lucky i am
to be alive today
and where it’s led me since then
contrary to public perception tbi isn’t
just an injury reserved for soldiers and
athletes
there are 2.8 million new tbi patients
each year
in fact it’s the second leading injury
in the u.s
based on this statistic alone there’s a
good chance that some of you
have suffered a brain injury or know
someone that has
how has your mental health or theirs
been since the injury
many among the most vulnerable parts of
our population suffer from brain
injuries
a meta-analysis of 38 studies spanning
six countries including our own
found that 53 percent of all homeless
have a brain injury 80 of males
incarcerated in the u.s
have a tbi for females incarcerated
that number increases to 99
when i hear these statistics
we think about the friends peers and
mentors that have been locked up
or lost to suicide it makes me wonder
how we go through each day
carefully protecting the hardware and
software in devices designed to connect
us faster like our newest iphone
but we fail to protect the hardware and
software within our own bodies that
truly connects
us even with all of the technology that
we have available today
mental health still remains the only
area of medicine
that fails to get an accurate picture of
the organ they’re treating prior to
intervention
providers rely on patients to report
their symptoms in order to diagnose
and treatments focused on managing those
symptoms with prescriptions
for a patient with a previous brain
injury these prescriptions can actually
worsen their symptoms due to increased
inflammation in the brain
more importantly failing to treat the
root cause of the patient’s symptoms
increases their risk of suicide and
neurodegenerative disease later in life
how we’re dealing with this issue is
just intensifying the dysfunction and
disconnection
shortly after my suicide attempt an
acquaintance
who has since become family to me
noticed the pain i was trying to hide
perhaps it was easy for him to recognize
since he had suffered similarly
together we spent four years researching
tbi
and treatments that could save us from
the same fate many of our comrades have
suffered
after personally experiencing the truly
profound improvements in our own lives
from these treatments
we founded two organizations whose sole
purpose
is to ensure that everyone that’s
affected can access this care
by collecting images of the brain and
other diagnostics
our providers are able to identify and
treat
the root cause of patient symptoms
there’s no doubt in my mind that i’m on
this stage today
because of these treatments and some
amazing people that refuse to give up on
me
it’s because of these people that i’m
finally able to be fully present
in the love that i share with my wife
and the abundance of joy that radiates
from my ten-year-old son
and three-year-old girl
it’s ironic to think that the keys to
deep meaningful connection in my life
actually came from a time when i felt
the most disconnected from everything
we walk through the pains of our life
feeling all alone
but the truth is we never really are
we’re not all that different from one
another we’re all searching for the same
things in this life
to be loved accepted understood
to cherish the things that bring us joy
despite how hard we try to avoid it pain
is also a natural part of our human
experience
this world it breaks all of us at some
point
but it’s our broken pieces that present
the greatest opportunity for us to
connect deeply with others
when we give ourselves permission to
expose the cracks
and holes in our life the light in
others guides us out of the dark
we find it so easy to accept what others
feel insecure
inadequate or broken about so why is it
so hard for us to embrace the perfect
imperfections within ourselves
rising up from the traumas that chain us
down is only possible when we let others
in
so that they can shift our perspective
i share the most vulnerable painful
piece of my life with you today
because i hope it gives others the
courage to share what they’re going
through
whatever you are battling you don’t have
to fight it alone
i know there are many like me among our
most vulnerable that will not have a
chance to truly heal
and integrate back into their
communities
unless they receive effective treatment
this can only happen if we begin to
uncover the pains that we experience
and the solutions that helped us heal
when we open ourselves up like this we
begin to exercise and experience empathy
empathy is what liberates us from the
prisons of our mind
freedom from our own suffering and need
comes from helping others relieve theirs
we spend most of our time on this earth
building walls meant to protect us from
pain
until we finally realize that those
walls also restrict us from the most
significant connections we will ever
experience
when we finally muster up enough
strength to share the afflictions we so
desperately try to avoid
we discover that there are others who
truly understand
and accept all of us
our species is wired with a biological
imperative to connect we need
community in order to survive
when we finally accept the pains that we
experience as a natural part of who
we’re becoming
we give ourselves and others an
opportunity finally to discover the
community that empowers us
the bonds we form from exposing what
makes us most vulnerable
is the very essence of what makes this
life precious
being loved and accepted in these
relationships is what teaches us to love
and accept
ourselves the greatest thing about all
of this
is that it is entirely our choice
we can continue letting our pain
encourage the habits to make us feel
helpless
and hopeless or it can be a resource
that adds value to our existence by
connecting deeply with others
being brave enough to choose the latter
enables us to become the sum of each
other
and it’s our collective effort that has
a compound effect to restoring life with
meaning
[Applause]
you