Why We Talk Ourselves Out of the Room.
[Music]
i don’t belong here
i scammed and hustled my way into this
tedx talk
i have nothing important to say and at
most two maybe three people might watch
this video
because i don’t belong here
am i the only one that’s ever felt this
way like you’re successful
but only because someone else fell out
of the running someone just liked you or
they needed a female face
i would say probably not because
according to medical news today
approximately 70 of us feel symptoms of
is
more commonly known as imposter syndrome
so what is imposter syndrome
coined and developed by pauline rose
clance and suzanne iams
in their 1978 seminal article the
imposter phenomenon in high achieving
women
dynamics and therapeutic intervention it
is described as the feeling of immense
doubt in one’s skill set
and the way others view one’s competence
that feeling of not measuring of not
being good enough
can creep in at any time like
while you’re giving your tedx talk i am
by no means at the height of my career
success
i have 11 years as an onset casting
story and supervising producer for major
television programs
i’ve produced promo campaigns for the
bet awards i’ve created digital pieces
for successful brands
i’ve cast the winner of america’s next
top model produced several his seasons
of the show
and have even been tapped to launch an
international franchise for the show
and yet and still it is a constant
battle to remind myself that i’m good
enough
when i was asked to give this tedx talk
it took me a while to get back to the
organizers
not because i didn’t think it was a cool
opportunity but because i knew that for
however long
i would have to stand in front of you
and show and prove that i thought i was
good enough to stand in the ranks of
other amazing ted speakers
for a long time i didn’t think i was
good enough fair
locked control of the outcome stepping
out of my comfort zone of being behind
the scenes
all viable reasons to say no 2020 has
already been a lot
this is not the best time to test my
boundaries expose my weaknesses
or maybe it’s the perfect time maybe
this is our year of fearlessness
the either we don’t just call out the
fair but we conquer it
don’t just step out of our comfort zone
but we live outside of it
because it’s not about whether you’re
scared or not
it’s whether you’re there or not so now
that we know what imposter syndrome is
let’s talk about who’s susceptible to it
as i mentioned
it’s highly seen in minority groups but
when i look at myself i see three main
identifiers
i’m a black woman i’m a caribbean
national lives outside of my own country
and i’m a creative that works in a
corporate environment which means at any
given time i could be the only creative
wild card voice in a room full of
otherwise professional perspectives
now these may not be yours we can all
think of one or two identifiers that
make us the outlier in any given room
but if you’ve ever felt like your voice
didn’t matter if you’ve ever felt like
your voice didn’t belong
you’re wrong speaking up makes you the
most valuable asset in the room
because it’s not about whether you’re
scared or not it’s whether you’re there
or not
so now that we talked about who can feel
impostor syndrome spoiler alert
everyone let’s talk about the causes
first internal causes
internal causes can range from
unresolved issues from the past
to unresolved esteem issues but the root
is always fair
fear of being exposed can lead to
anxiety fear of being praised too much
can cause you to shrink
and be passed over for growth
opportunities two particular internal
affairs that i’ve had to work on
are one the fear of being unprepared
overworking yourself past healthy
boundaries what i call
the duck panic have you ever seen ducks
gliding on water seemingly calm
but you look below the surface and their
legs are popping like all hell
there’s nothing wrong with hard work but
when you have imposter syndrome you feel
the smallest accomplishment can’t happen
unless you work yourself three and four
times harder than everybody else
remember panic is not part of
preparation
internal cause number two fear of not
being light
being a yes person traditionally this is
seen in women
who hide their success to pay more
feminine and more likable
now we do it when we defer to people who
we think are more liked or better suited
for leadership
in the caribbean there’s a cultural
message that is sent at the age of 11
when we set a test that determines what
school we go to
to an extent our social circle and to a
larger extent of social standing later
on in life
that small distinction of what school
you went to can really influence how
comfortable you feel later on in life
speaking up in a room where you feel
like your educational background
is not the one that most people
associate with professional leadership
you feel like you’re being a team player
but what you’re really doing is robbing
the room of a fresh perspective
because it’s not about whether you’re
scared or not
it’s whether you’re there or not now
internal causes are real
but imposter syndrome is not just all in
your head it’s not just you
there are also external causes for
instance over praise
as children we all heard you’re so
naturally gifted at things you don’t
have to try you’re so smart
and that’s a great thing but for someone
with is
it sends the message that you have to
automatically be good at everything you
do it can cause a fear of failure
you’re really good at this one thing
right here in this small box
step out of that box and you fail and
for someone like that
failure is a lack of identity we have to
leave room for our kids
our colleagues our loved ones to fumble
without it affecting how we value them
external cause number two absence of
relatable role models
being the first in your family or
community to achieve incredible success
can be an amazing thing
you can be a unique voice and open eyes
new cultures but for someone with is
a lack of relatable role models can
really be daunting
you feel isolated a pressure to
represent the entire community
you can’t mess up and you feel like the
only value you really bring to the group
is that one perspective
combating imposter syndrome is important
as women
as caribbean people as minority groups
the world is not engineered to make
space for us
as our truest selves versus the
stereotypes that are easier for them to
believe
we make that even easier when we
discount our work
our skill and our value it is up to us
to show up as our truest selves and
stand in that power because until we
claim the fullness of what we bring to
the table
we’ll never feel comfortable sitting at
it because it’s not about whether you’re
scared or not
it’s whether you’re there or not so
we’ve talked about how important it is
to combat
imposter syndrome how do we deal with it
everyone has different methods but
psychologist ellen hendrickson formed a
list for psychology today
that really resonated with me and three
tips that i love are
one find your tribe my tribe consists of
my friends and family
that understand imposter syndrome they
listen they don’t discount it
but they remind me that the same doubts
and fears that i feel every time are the
same ones i dealt with in the past and
it always works out
tip number two expect failure
a big part of why i was hesitant to do
this tedx talk is because all my life
i’ve been told
i talk really fast i’m hard to
understand and i trip over words
but so what if i stumble stutter or even
forget something i wanted to say
does that make what i’ve shared hair
less true fear of imperfection is a fear
of progress
and progress is essential tip number
three
watch how you talk to yourself no matter
who tells you how important how amazing
how gifted you are the most important
voice is yours
to learn how to say i can do this write
it on post it’s on the wall
read books that reinforce it learn to
accept the compliment without tearing it
to parts
you are in that meeting room you are on
that list on that tedx platform
because you showed up for others so show
up for yourself
it’s like my favorite quote attributed
to maggie kuhn speak your mind even if
your voice shakes
or as i like to say it’s not about
whether you’re scared or not
it’s whether you’re there or not and
we’re here
[Music]
you