Why We Fear Public Speaking
[Music]
a year ago
i was asked to preach a sermon in my
beloved spiritual community
at my church the only thing is
i’m a comedian not a minister
my friend said oh taylor this will be a
breeze for you you’re a storyteller
you’re an improviser you’re kind of a
ham well let me tell you being a ham
doesn’t help you preach a sermon
and i was utterly and
uncharacteristically
nervous i love public speaking
i think about it i write about it i
teach it
i even think about it in my sleep but in
this case
my palms were sweaty my heart beat fast
and i feared i would forget everything i
had prepared
maybe you know what that feels like but
this was a great exercise and empathy
for me
in the work that i do because i coach a
lot of people who are terrified of
public speaking
and the vulnerabilities surrounding it
so in this case
i wasn’t telling a story i wasn’t doing
improv or trying to be a ham
i was preaching and the stakes felt high
and i felt vulnerable and i wanted to
crush it
as much as you can crush a sermon
but that was all it took for me to feel
all the nerves
i guess the good news is i’m not alone
the fear of public speaking ranks
amongst
the worst phobias for adults in fact
it ranks right up there with the fear of
death
kind of puts it in perspective doesn’t
it the comedian jerry seinfeld famously
said that means you’d rather be in the
coffin
than giving the eulogy makes the
prospects of becoming a more
confident public speaker feel pretty
grim in fact i’m willing to bet that
some of you out there are feeling
anxious with just me talking about
public speaking
but before you start to freak out let me
tell you why trying to understand this
fear
is so important and why we all have
hopes
of becoming more proficient confident
public speakers
i have a secret i’d like to share with
you
i think the reason why we are all so
terrified of public speaking
and why we think we’re all so horrific
at it is because we’re actually defining
public speaking
in the wrong way
maybe you think of it as talking to a
large group of strangers with a huge
powerpoint behind you
or making a pitch to a group of
colleagues or presenting something in
class
full of your peers or leading a virtual
meeting
and certainly all of those are examples
but i think we need to define it
much more broadly than that i think we
need to
think of public speaking as the way we
present
ourselves to the world
and if we look at it that way then we
can see that we’re engaging
in some form of public speaking pretty
much every day
think about introducing yourself for the
first time and making that
back and forth getting to know you
banter or making small talk at a party
going out for an interview or going on a
first date
all of these are examples of public
speaking if we can change our framework
to see that
and in all of these cases we’re not only
trying to
uphold our confidence and our knowledge
of whatever subject matter we’re talking
about
but we’re also trying to present our
most authentic
self at the same time
so yeah that can feel like a lot
in our shows and workshops we give out
surveys
to ask people whether they love public
speaking or whether they hate it
and then there’s a series of follow-up
questions that ask them any tips or
tricks they’ve received along the way
that help them with their
anxiety around public speaking
and what’s fascinating is whether
someone loves public speaking or they
hate it
their answers to the open-ended
questions are largely the same
everyone’s fear lies in the fear
of being judged there are nuances
and differences to those responses but
it’s pretty much true for everyone
judgment is just too painful to face
when you’re a human being trying to
present yourself to the world
it’s fraught with fear and insecurity
because it’s so
raw and real and vulnerable
and larger research studies show us the
same the ranking right up there
with the fear of public speaking and
death
are the fears of inadequacy failure
rejection and judgment
it’s hard to hear isn’t it and the
opposite of these fears and hurts
are the desire to feel known and seen
and heard and understood
isn’t that what we all want
as an important side note you should
know that in those surveys i mentioned
both lovers and haters of public
speaking agree that the worst
advice they’ve ever received around
public speaking is to picture your
audience
naked or in their underwear like i’m
doing to all of you right now
just kidding it turns out that doesn’t
work for people it’s never worked for me
either
let’s move on let’s talk about some
tangible
tips and tricks to become a more
proficient
confident public speaker or presenter of
yourself to the world
now it’s hard this isn’t going to happen
in one day
so be gentle with yourself let’s make it
less scary shall we
okay number one open up
your body breathe into it
93 of what we communicate to our
audience
is through our body language it lets
them know
that you’re okay but it also lets you
know
that you’re okay and you’re okay
open up breathe smile
blink unclench your fists
number two find your
yes person ah there is someone in every
audience who is
nodding and smiling and validating you
love that person as you look around
skating the room check in with them to
feel comfortable
and encouraged my mom always says that
public speaking
should feel like you’re talking to your
best friend
and that person in the back slumped down
with their arms crossed
and scrolling through their twitter feed
the whole time that’s not your person
don’t worry about that person and number
three
be yourself like seriously act like
yourself
if you have a great sense of humor use
it
if you like to think and speak in sports
analogies sprinkle a couple of those and
be yourself and let them enjoy you
they came to see you to hear you
and besides believe me when i say they
are
so glad it’s you up there doing the
public speaking
and not them and as you
improve remember to count all of your
successes
no matter how small they might seem you
make that pitch to all of your
colleagues
and you don’t break out in hives count
it you make small talk at the church
potluck
heck yes you did you make that class
presentation and you sweat through that
gray t-shirt but your voice didn’t crack
nailed it count each and every win
and as you do also remember that
failure is inevitable
normal and helpful because
failure is just as authentic as success
and as you go around presenting yourself
as a human being to the world
remember that it’s never you against
your audience
no one is supposed to win
in many ways public speaking is
an ongoing conversation where you become
more of
a part of your audience by speaking to
them and teaching them
and they become more a part of you by
listening and learning
and we all get stronger that way
what i want you to take away from all of
this is that public speaking
is not about perfection
it’s woven into our everyday experience
it’s about the way that we interact with
the people in the world around us
and how we want to present ourselves in
those interactions
and we can get better day by day by
taking our successes
and our failures and just making small
improvements
so let’s take public speaking
and see it as a representation of our
truest
most authentic selves and a celebration
of that in others
and the great news is no one has to
picture
anyone else in their underwear which is
a victory
in and of itself thank you