From Paralyzed to PurposeDriven My Inspirational Story
all right go tom
black representation has failed
generations
it has failed me it cannot
fail the future
i think about growing up as an
adolescent
just being brought into this world
with the with the thought of being
innocent
expecting the same opportunities as
everyone else
really believing that opportunities come
to those that create them
i didn’t realize that
i wasn’t going to be able to see that
reflection of myself
anywhere around that the representation
that could encourage me and give me the
ability to be more ambitious
as a person was not something that i
seen
daily it was a mental defeat
and a mental blocker but also for me
growing up and being brought up
in the communities that i come from i
didn’t know that i had an
identity already and even though that
i was still seeking to figure out who i
was
the world had already determined that
i think about the communities
and the lack of how
being born on the east side of kansas
city missouri had
already divided
had already been divided by a system
that was going to have this innocent man
or innocent young man
defeated no direction no hope
no representation
on top of that the community that i come
from
it was only two ways out of it
you either faced death
or was imprisonment was this something
that
we could change probably with
representation
but because the images that were
portrayed to me
growing up as a youth really spoke to
this being
our reality
i think about that
embedding into like my thought process
and as i would embody it growing up
right my life
as a teenager was one of someone trying
to find an identity
one that really faced the identity that
others have portrayed
and put on to me this wasn’t what who
i wanted to be this is what
all i saw
i remember early elementary school
when i was introduced to a movie called
roots that was the first time
and potentially the last time that i
wanted to see
a person like me facing oppression
so i gravitated to things and that spoke
to
not only my identity that i
saw or reflected upon i also gravitated
to the
image that i that surrounded me daily
that image for the most part wasn’t
something that
was glitter and gold what it was
was an image of people that looked like
me
rising above oppression
maybe the direction of that wasn’t
particularly
what we would say is successful
but it was a lot better than where we
come from
and when you have a mindset
that lacks representation for you to
grow
you fall into the only things that you
know
i look at my pictures and i share this
one a lot
because it was a dark cloud in my eyes
and frankly i felt like this was the
best time of my life
i remember
truly believing that i was on this earth
to either face death by
a gun or be imprisoned
because i was trying to be better than
the circumstances that i was
born into
i didn’t get i didn’t die though
see i was shot multiple times to my
abdomen which left me
with a spinal cord injury that paralyzed
me from the waist down for the rest of
my life
i was okay with that though i wasn’t
okay with the fact that i was still
living i was okay with
dying at that moment that was my fate
that was the identity that’s what had
always been represented to me
as a black man but see
now something has changed
i have a disability this is a new world
this is something that i
i wasn’t used to yet alone
when i entered this world i realized
that
there was lack of representation of me
there as well
i didn’t have someone that i could
actually
see myself being
as a person living with a disability
because the representation that was
portrayed to me
well it wasn’t somebody that could see
themselves living in my shoes
i don’t mean lit walking in my shoes
from a dis disabled standpoint
i mean living as a black man in america
and then having to live as a black
disabled man in america
you can’t tell me that anyone can that i
can just fall into the representation of
anyone
if i can’t relate to this if they cannot
relate to my story
see where i come from you don’t make it
out there’s two ways
so what i relate to is completely
different than many people
the struggle that i went through is a
struggle that i gravitate to
when i listen to other people share
their stories
well if you don’t have representation
because the fate is so real
that you either die or go to jail then
how can people coming from the
communities i come from
actually grow
if there’s not a story we can reflect on
that’s the story that we don’t relate to
the difference with me was that
when i was shot i was also a father
i got so custody of my daughter several
months before my injury
yet alone did i know that through all
this pain
all of this hurt she didn’t see the
defeat that everyone else saw
that i saw she didn’t see the
hopelessness
all she saw was her father i didn’t
understand
that people come into your life and
there’s a reason why
like i didn’t get it until i had a
precious life looking at me differently
than the world saw me
then i saw me
but with that being said the moment of
my
injury i went back to do some research
and i was wondering why did i need this
strength from a little girl
when when i look at statistics
especially around the time of my my
accident
there was a lot of representation
that looked like me it just wasn’t shown
and in missouri alone the statistics
show
that not only does the number of black
citizens disabled citizens
is pretty high the number
the percentage of people living in
poverty with disabilities
is also high those are two
demographics that i i can really relate
to
so why wasn’t it shown to me why wasn’t
it shown to me that
if these numbers were so high that there
could be some type of positive
representation to show me that there was
a better way
than for me to only face this as
defeat but again
with the lack of that representation in
the disabled community the lack of the
representation in a black community
it took a little girl to give me
strength
it took her to see something different
that gave me the ability to see myself
differently there’s a quote that
i go by by gandhi says be the change we
wish to see in the world
you’ve heard my story
all i’ve expressed is
the defeat the trauma the tragedy
this is my success see
i had to realize that i needed to be the
person i kept
looking for and that even though in a
world
i couldn’t find a positive
representation
of someone that came from where i come
from i have that ability because
i am still breathing
and i know for a fact that we all have a
purpose in life
and maybe my purpose was to go through
the struggle maybe
my purpose was to not be able to
gravitate to
representation that helped me grow
because i was it
i look at my life differently now
because i look at the things i
did the moment i stopped seeking
for the person i was already becoming
i became that representation i am that
representation
do i see myself as being the only one no
but i see my story creating more
my story gave me the ability to face the
man that shot me
on national tv
none of that would have happened if i
didn’t see the purpose
my purpose in life bigger than me if i
didn’t recognize and realize that
we didn’t have representation we didn’t
have someone to show us strength that we
could face things the moment we take
accountability of everything in our
lives
no matter what that thing may be it
could be someone that changed
the trajectory of your life but when you
have the ability to accept
let go you become something that you’ve
never
believed that you could be you find
power because you you become
humble and grateful i was grateful for
the position i was put in
because i would never be able to
represent my community the best way i
can today
none of that made me face that man that
put me in this position
and hate him for that what it did was
allow me to realize that the lack of
representation in our communities is
what created the mindset
and created that situation that day my
actions and emotions is the reason why i
reacted
his understanding and knowledge is the
reason why he did
how do we change that representation
we give people the ability to have
strength
by showing them a reflection of
themselves but in a positive way
no one can be judged by their situations
or circumstances that they have been
brought into this world
it is up to you though
to change that and if you cannot find
someone around you
you have to be that
that’s the way life works
but as i think about us and what we can
do
there are many things that everyone
needs to take time to do today
tomorrow and even in the future
understand that our legends die young as
black men
there’s not one person that i look up to
that since here today
that is our reality is that the moment
that some of our
leaders speak up become who they are
that’s it that’s their legacy
so represent us now while we’re still
here
take time to listen stories all over the
world
speak on the same thing speak on lack of
representation
in all communities i may be speaking
primarily about the black community but
representation is needed everywhere
it shows us something different and is a
reflection of
all of us
take note we are more
likely to identify with someone who
looks like
us and better able to imagine
our own potential
everyone should have characteristics or
images
they can relate to it’s realistic
and everyone should be able to see
themselves as heroes
the fact that i’m speaking on
representation
is because the conversation of black
lives matter
is one that we are facing every day
and we are constantly seeing things
unfold in our country
that as a black man i’m not proud of
i’m not proud of the hurt and pain that
i constantly have to watch
i have not seen
a moment that i could really embrace
being black because
i’m constantly fighting to be the
representation
for other people that look like me to be
able to embrace
being black
but this is not something that i could
do alone
this is not something that
it’s just going to happen overnight
but this is a step that we take so that
our future leaders
are more diverse than the leaders that
we have today
that our voices matter in the way that
we see this world
becoming and that we can all come
together
and be better
but it takes all of us
to recognize that we are all different
that cultures matter
and representation
is the way to create an identity for
people
that don’t have one
thank you
you