A lifechanging question we are asked every day
what if i were to ask you a question
and what if i were to tell you that this
question
you are asked 10 20 30 times a day
but what if i were to also tell you that
if you could answer this question
honestly
and authentically it could change your
life
do you know what that question is
i’m sure you’ve guessed that that
question is how are
you and when we’re asked that question
we say i’m good i’m fine i’m okay i’m
all right
and we walk on it’s a ritual it’s a
greeting
and my particular british stiff upper
lip favorite is i’m not
too bad i mean what an answer right
if we were in germany actually we
wouldn’t ask that question
of someone that we didn’t know well
because it would be considered
impolite we would only ask that question
if we expected an answer
so i’m going to help you answer this
question
and hopefully help change your life
because we’re very good at answering
that question
for our physical health if we choose to
i’ve got a cold i’ve got a stomach virus
i’ve got coronavirus or something more
serious
i’ve got cancer there’s no shame or
stigma for doing that
whereas with our mental health the
stigma prevents us from
being more open more honest
and i’m standing out here in beautiful
nature
on an amazing morning you know what
somebody once told me the sound
of mental health is the exhale
my name is rob stevenson i am a mental
health campaigner
passionate about inspiring the creation
of mentally healthier workplaces
societies
and this journey this mission is
personal to me because
i am many things i’m a father
i’m a husband i’m a son i’m a brother
i’m a ceo i’m an entrepreneur i’m a
cyclist
i’m a dj but i’m also bipolar
i experience bipolar disorder
which is a mental illness it’s a mental
illness that is characterized by
extremes of mood from deep dark
depression where
at its worst i cannot get out of bed i
cannot do my job i cannot look after my
children
through to periods of mania where i can
take risks and make very bad decisions
but i also experience periods of drive
creativity and strength
and it’s important we recognize the
differences and the strength the
positives of our mental differences
so i was diagnosed with this condition
when i was 30.
when i was 31 i tried to end my life at
a time where i felt
a loss of hope and a sense of futility
but with the love of close friends and
family around me and the ability to talk
about how i’m feeling i learn to manage
my condition
sure therapy and
medication have been helpful on this
journey
but also building up the self-awareness
of what is driving my mental well-being
has been crucial
in my route to survival and to thriving
so answering that question of oneself is
super important
and it’s also important for all of us
because one in one of us
have mental health it is one of the most
beautiful things about being human
we all have it is it is complex
but if we have it we can accept that we
can influence it we’re all on this
continuum we oscillate from thriving
through to struggling
daily hourly but that knowledge brings
power
because then we can make micro steps to
tweak
where we are on that continuum and if
the pandemic has shown us anything it
has shown us that 100
of us will struggle with our mental
health
from time to time so if we can talk
about it
we can influence it and with influencing
becomes greater happiness and
productivity
as we become flourishing more of the
time
so let’s get back to the question and
let’s change the emphasis let’s change
the narrative
rather than how are you let’s say how
are you today
if we say today that brings a level of
immediacy to the question
it implies that today might be different
to yesterday
to reflect the fact that our mental
health is always changing
like our physical health and fitness is
but it also implies that the person
asking the question
might be available to listen might be
expecting
an answer so let’s try and answer that
question of ourselves in a very
light and curious way
by reflecting on what might be driving
our mental well-being
how well did you sleep last night have
you exercised well recently
is your nutrition balanced
and are you eating a range of good foods
is your alcohol in check
are you getting good nutrients
what is your sense of purpose like do
you know what your why is and has that
changed recently
importantly in current times how well
are you balancing
the natural stresses of our lives our
work our studies
with periods of recovery with mindful
moments
with time away from our computers with
time
focused on our families with time
focused on ourselves are you helping
others
helping others is great for our own
well-being
and what about your finances do you feel
relaxed about your finances right now
there are many drivers of our well-being
those are a few of them
and just reflect in a light and curious
way as to how they apply to you
and think what is my well-being score
out of ten where six is average
five is low four is very low and then
three two one we’re into struggling and
might need some professional help
but seven is good eight is very good
nine is exceptional
and ten is lifetime peak form
where all of the stars align everything
is in balance and it’s the perfect
day for you so what is your score and
the out of 10 bit is important
because it changes
the language we can use to communicate
with how we’re feeling
and this is good for ourselves because
self-awareness then brings
the ability to
really tweak what we’re doing to change
the way we’re sleeping
to prioritize exercise to take those
breaks in the day
to try and move that score upwards or
maintain a good score
but in communicating with others that
language is also very important because
it’s much easier to say
i’m a four out of ten today
rather than i’m experiencing anxiety or
depression
or i’m feeling very very isolated
it breaks down that stigma and
normalizes the conversation
and i think if we can share how we’re
feeling if we can answer that question
how are you today
we can create a type of herd immunity
for mental illness
because we’re creating these circles of
support
in our friend groups our families our
workplaces our communities
all from answering that question
and workplaces i think can can pay
attention to this
if you are a leader of a workplace you
should be asking this question of your
employees in respect of their mental
health
because we’ve removed those natural
support mechanisms to be physically
distant and safe those those social
connections we need
as human beings i hate the word social
distancing by the way
i actually lobbied to get this changed
because we need to be physically distant
to be safe
from the coronavirus but we need to be
socially connected to be well
so workplaces need to be asking that
question and if leaders of workplaces
are not asking their people how they’re
doing
i think you need to question whether you
are truly a leader
right now the same applies to
governments
as we look to build back better is
economic growth
and gross domestic product a really
useful measure of the success
of doing that or should we be looking at
the well-being of our citizens
as a more appropriate measure some
countries do this
scotland new zealand
so i think asking that question of our
nations
of our workers of our employees and of
ourselves
can have a big difference
and i’d like to just share a story with
you from
and some advice from my six-year-old
daughter
because a few years ago gabby age six
i i just i decided i needed to
talk to my children about my mental
illness because i was talking to the
world
at large about it so i sat gabby down
and i said
let’s have a chat about mental health
and if you look carefully on the picture
you can see
she’s put a little l above the m she was
more concerned about the health of our
lentils
our lentil health so i said gabby how do
we look after our lentil health
and she said no accidents daddy wear
your helmet on your bike and think a lot
use your brain which
sometimes is not the right answer if
we’re feeling anxiety and if we’re
ruminating but good advice
literal advice from a six-year-old so i
said
to gabby i’m going to ask you a more
specific question if you woke up one day
and you didn’t feel yourself you were
sad you didn’t want to get out of bed
you didn’t want to play
what would you do
and gabby looked at me like i was asking
the most obvious question in the world
she said daddy i would find someone who
i love and i would tell them
i would talk find someone who you love
and tell them
talk and then i said to gabby if you
went to school one day
and these were the beautiful days when
one could send their children to school
and you saw a friend sitting off to the
side
not playing like they would normally do
looking really sad
looking reserved what would you do
and gabby looked at me like i was a
complete and
utter idiot she said daddy i would go
over and i would ask if they’re okay i
would see if they’re okay
so two things we over complicate as
adults and societies
if we’re struggling with our own mental
well-being
find someone to talk to find someone you
love someone you trust
and talk because talking is the start of
the journey
towards recovery
but importantly in our workplaces in our
communities
in our friend groups in our families if
we see those
signs of behavior change and we have to
look a bit harder right now
but if we see them go over
and ask that person how are you today
and you might need to ask them twice
because of the stigma
that question brings
because we can really create this this
support this herd immunity for mental
illness that i mentioned
if we take the time to ask people we
care about
how we’re doing so
we stand at a junction in time we’re
going to go this way
and we’re going to go this way
over here is a more hopeful world
over here is where we were before
but it starts for me with this question
asking this question
and answering it honestly and
authentically
so let me tell you how i am today as i
record this in this amazing
setting i’m a nine out of ten
i’m on exceptional form my mood is
exceptional
but if we were in a theater right now
and i was standing on that
red dot presenting to you on a stage
which i would love to be doing
right now i would love to be doing that
i would pause and give you the gift of a
few minutes
to reflect on how you’re doing
answer that question and share your
score with the person next to you
and share as much or as little as what
is driving that score
and we would watch the magic happen the
magic
of human connection now we can’t do that
directly today
but we can recreate that magic so after
this talk
when you’ve got some space i invite you
i invite you
to contact somebody you care about and
ask them
the question and share your score
with them and invite them to do the same
and have a chat about it
and i promise you doing that
will change your life so
thank you for listening to me today
and how are you
today