Moral Questions are Easily Answered but Harder to Practice
i don’t know how many of you know what
happened to me in 2007
but long story short i’m from australia
and i was on holidays in bulgaria
visiting my friends when i witnessed
about 15 drunken neuro nazis shout
racist slurs
chased down and attack a boy with darker
skin the victim was most probably of
roman ethnicity
after i successfully protected the
victim from death or serious bodily
injury
the gang attacked me i was knocked out
and i don’t remember what happened
but suffice it to say i had a knife to
protect myself and one of the gang
members had died
the parents of the deceased as well as
the parents of the other gang members
were extremely connected people
they referred to themselves as the elite
of bulgaria the investigation
and the subsequent trials became heavily
corrupted because of
that despite overwhelming evidence that
i intervened to save somebody’s life
i was convicted for something like
premeditated murder and sentenced to 20
years
maximum security prison last year i was
lucky to get a panel of judges who were
above corruption
and i was released early from prison
after having served 12 years of my
sentence
however the corrupt bulgarian government
has continued holding me here illegally
in bulgaria
now for almost a year with my own inside
they are simply refusing to take my name
off a ban list of people
who cannot leave the country many times
i have been asked how had i
stayed staying for 12 years of prison
and almost a year now
being held illegally by the bulgarian
government i think it all boils down
to moral choice i had to make on the
night in 2007
i think of it as something similar to
asking children hypothetical moral
questions in a classroom or around the
family barbecue
brain diseases that are designed to test
people’s morality
often between an evil solution and less
evil solution
some moral conundrums are easier than
others to answer and of course morality
is subjective
but generally across different cultures
becomes the same conclusions
as to what is right the right action in
a difficult situation
now when presented with this situation
as a hypothetical moral conundrum
most people would say well the correct
thing is to help the boy being attacked
by the neo-nazis
but when that happened to me in real
life people were less united in their
responses
this is where the hypothetical moral
dilemma becomes more complicated
when it meets reality people are not so
quick to answer
when there is a possibility of yourself
or the attacker dying
if you chose the morally correct option
hypothetical questions
are easy to answer but harder to
practice especially so when there is a
possibility of great sacrifice
often these gangs murder their victims
with many witnesses and bystanders
on the following morning in various tv
news shows there are always lots of
friends and family of the deceased
and the first question everybody asks is
why didn’t anyone do anything
although there were people shouting at
the police in america
still not a single person stopped the
police from murdering mr floyd george
when i watched the video a murder of mr
george the only question that was going
through my mind was
why are people just watching why is no
one stopping them
probably if just one person had pushed
the policeman off mr george he wouldn’t
have been murdered
when i saw the neo-nazis attack the boy
i thought about how i would feel if the
new nazi gang murdered this boy
and they had murdered him in front of me
because of the color of his skin
what would his parents say what if this
boy was one of the friends
one of my friends and someone was
attacking my friend for nothing less
disgusting than racism
how could i live with myself knowing for
the rest of my life
that i had an opportunity to save the
life of this boy and i didn’t use it
it was an existential question and i’m a
big believer in the saying
bad things happen when good people do
nothing if i didn’t help this boy
in his moment of need what right would i
have to expect or to ask for help in my
moment of need
too often people renounce their personal
responsibility
that we have for one another i was not
the only one who watched the gang
attacked the long way there were maybe
another 30 people also watching
none of them chose to intervene to save
the life of the people to me it was a
question also of freedom
because i believe there is no freedom
without responsibility
so if i am to be free then i must be
responsible to myself
but also to those around me i made my
decision
in what now feels like the blink of an
eye i was successful in the sense that i
saved the boy
being attacked by the game but
unfortunately one of the attackers was
killed i was arrested and despite the
gang also having attacked the police
not one of them was even ever detained
immediately the entire media apparatus
in bulgaria clipped into action to
exonerate the gang
and demonize me there was every possible
crazy story
for me being a terrorist to being a drug
addict intent on stabbing random people
whilst looking for drugs
these lies were repeated in every
newspaper on every tv
channel every radio station hourly for
the first
five years of what i call proceedings it
was tremendous psychological pressure
that i think would have driven most
people mad it is surreal to know
what really happened but the entire
world is saying that you’re lying
i guess my my my word of caution here
is that we rely almost completely on the
media to inform our opinions of people
and events
but this only works with free and
pluralistic media that engage in
responsible journalism
in bulgaria however the barrage of lies
and the same lie
was being copied and pasted from one
video source to another without a single
journalist bothering to check if the
information
is correct or not this brainwashed an
entire generation
of people in bulgaria about me and what
happened in 2007.
in the court of public opinion i was the
sociopathic foreigner
who needlessly attacked a peaceful group
of youngsters and brought about the
death of one of them
while the media was making slanderous
claims about me and my case
they didn’t spell my name correctly for
the entire 12 years of my incarceration
they didn’t even check basic facts it
was a very conscious propaganda campaign
and the people reading it knew that they
couldn’t control non-bulgarian language
media
so the people connected the people
connected with the nazi gang
and their parents never once spoke to
independent or objective media
never once spoke of international news
journalism
eventually as more people outside the
bulgaria started asking questions there
were two versions of the story that
emerged
one version recorded in bulgarian
language where i was still a monster
and a completely different one reported
in english or any other language other
than bulgaria
where it was acknowledged that i came to
the rescue of an innocent person in
great danger it wasn’t until 2019
when after years of asking my lawyer and
friend kalin angelos
was finally able to obtain security
camry footage of the area where the 2007
incident took place that people in
bulgaria started realizing
that my side of the story was the true
one
up until that point the psychological
pressure was so great it was difficult
to explain
sometimes it felt like the lies were
designed to manipulate the general
public
but other times it felt like the mass
propaganda was actually made to try and
convince me
that i was the person they said i was
this is known as gaslighting
this brings me back to the question i
often get how did i stay sane
and it all goes back to the fundamental
question of morality
is it correct to beat and kill people
because they have darker skin than
yourself
the answer of course was simple that
this was unacceptable
to allow new nazi gangs to attack and
murder people in front of your very eyes
sanity for me for the next 12 years
after i intervened and even still today
became intrinsically connected to the
basic morality
that people shouldn’t be attacked
because of their skin color
it is hard for me to be talking about
these things because i feel stupid
having to say that we shouldn’t be
attacking people because they have
different
colors in than us but what a lot of
people need to know
is that this is not a universally
accepted moral principle
it isn’t even a question of subconscious
racism
it is open over and normalized for many
people and not just in bulgaria but of
course around the world
unfortunately many people like to leave
morality in the realm of the theoretical
but for me it had very practical
implications
and how i spent my time in prison always
went back to what got me there in the
first place
if i was going to oppose racism on the
street i had to defend that principle by
the way i lived in the place where i was
being judged for it
the way i saw it anything i did or
didn’t do in prison would reflect back
on the moral choices i made back in 2007
and the prison environment reflected
pretty much the same street environment
of the attack in 2007.
even the most sympathetic prison staff
still thought of me as an idiot
for having gone to the rescue of someone
especially a roma person
they thought even if i was morally
correct in terms of opposing racism
the act of actually doing it came with
such a high price that it wasn’t worth
it
or even worse there were races prison
management who before i was naive
to help someone of one fbc and yet
others called me a race trader
but if i gave up on my beliefs now then
really it would have made all the
suffering through nothing which i
suppose would have been the biggest
punishment of all
despite the stereotypical portrayal of
prisons in the media
and cinema where prisoners sit around
fighting crimes and violence
the public still has a general idea that
people are supposed to be changing for
the better
and thus leaving prisons more socialized
than when they had entered prison
this however is based on the premise
that those running the prisons
are morally superior or more socialized
than those being sent there
what people don’t understand about
prisons is that very often the staff who
run the prisons are more morally corrupt
than any of the people sent there never
before in my life have i seen people
deprived of given the most basics of
morality
many listening now might think i’m
speaking about the other prisoners but
i’m not
i’m speaking about the stuff the best
way i can explain
ism is to describe it as a living death
it is like being at your own funeral
friends and family and society as a
whole
have some period of grieving but then
move on and the prisoner is forgotten
but that didn’t mean those of us in
prison had to forgive ourselves or each
other
this is what motivated me to start the
bulgarian business association
the first and so far early organization
to take the rights specifically
of being incarcerated in bulgaria during
my 12 years in prison
every day my moral values were tested
for example when a prisoner was tortured
by gods
he asked me for help after i was
reluctant
because i knew it would mean the gods
with exact revenge on me
it took me about 30 seconds to tell
myself you’re not yourself
when things are going good you show your
true colors only when you are afraid
in a way it was exactly because i was
afraid
that i knew that i had to help this
person because if i didn’t
it would mean that the terror inflicted
by these types of people
had been successful it had achieved its
goal
the goal of breaking solidarity between
people that extends back thousands of
years
even to the story of a good samaritan it
was a similar feeling and thought
process
to the fight in 2007 that through fear
and intimidation
they want people to turn their backs on
the most basics of morality
to not help this prisoner who had been
tortured put me to renounce the very
person i believed i was
it meant to announce my very existence
if i didn’t help this man after he was
tortured i wouldn’t know who i was
anymore
i used this particular man’s case as one
example but obviously as part of the
bulgarian business association
i have had to deal with many similar
cases of injustice being down to the
disadvantage involving
prisons i have witnessed fellow
prisoners being misled or outright lied
to about their basic rights
with often dramatic consequences i was
put in prison for helping a person
persecuted by the elite
the elite and the idea was to not only
terrorize me
into check into not challenging the
hegemony of this elite
the message was clearly made to
bulgarian to bulgarian people as well
that these people from the ruling elite
could not be opposed
they were and are allowed to anything
they want
even to the point of attacking anyone
they choose this message was repeated in
prison
that for any disagreements with the
prison management no matter if they were
legitimate or not
then that prisoner would be persecuted
to the fullest extent possible
the problem i had was that if i was
standing on morality to get to prison
the point i was making against racism
would be lost if i was to renounce
morality in the name of
selfishness and self-protective
individuality in prison
in the prison i was told regularly by
the staff to think only about myself
it was even like a slogan in bulgarian
prisons
we are only responsible for ourselves i
was told it was a mantra that the staff
used to break social responsibility
both with regards to interpreters and
solidarity but also to renounce the
responsibility the prison staff
had to each other and to the prisoners
it was a constant temptation to give up
helping or caring about other people and
to think only about myself
almost a daily struggle in my mind
and the pressure was incredible you see
prison is an artificial
despotic surreal world where very little
of what happens makes much sense
but passing through the prison gates and
entering prison did not make me a
different person
there wasn’t a magical barrier that i
passed that changed the person
i was or how i acted there were people
who justified directions to me by saying
here is prison to me this was like
childish school playground psychology
a type of mass psychosis and so i tried
to be
conscious and vigilant not just succumb
to pure pressure
or to the very low standard of social
pressure if something is morally correct
just because you’re being bullied
doesn’t change the fact that it is still
moral
correct others no matter how constrained
still allow for a moral choice to act or
to not act
if you are on the street confronted with
a person needing help from a mob
or in a prison the choices and
responsibilities always remain in yours
originally i hadn’t planned on
mentioning the current pandemic but it
occurred to me
having listened to other people that for
some people self-isolating in their
homes is really difficult for them
for me and for prison activists i think
this is a good time to remind everyone
that this is what prison is like for an
estimated 10.35
million prisoners around the world
another thing i’d like to mention on the
topic
is the incorrect use of the term social
distance team
i have no idea how this term became so
popular internationally
because what we are doing with regards
to the global pandemic isn’t social
distancing at all
it’s physical distancing social
distancing is the purpose prison service
we are not socially distancing during
that pandemic because we still have
social interaction
even within our similar even either
within
our smaller group of friends or family
or online
prisoners are truly socially distant
especially here in bulgaria
where prisoners are only allowed two
40-minute visits behind
glass a month not only that but the
prison administration on purpose
keeps families and friends waiting
outside the prison
in the cold or the heat for up to three
hours
the government is currently building a
new prison that is hours away from any
city
and so the social distancing continues
if we consider that prisoners
are people who have been anti-social how
do people
politicians judges or prison staff think
that these people will be able to
reintegrate into society
by being in an environment that doesn’t
resemble either the general society
or a healthy environment we take people
who we say
are sick and then put them in a space an
experience that is even even
sicker and then we expect them to heal
we need to end social distancing and to
do the opposite by bringing back
offenders into society not by pushing
them further away
part of social distancing are the media
exaggerations and sometimes outright
lies
not only that but it is a cons it is
constant and probably
never ending making social intervention
harder or impossible
but i also believed and i still believe
that a large part of the hospital media
campaigns
and persecution against me personally in
the prison
was to push me to a breaking point where
i would lash out
and then those who had invested so much
time and effort in securing the decision
of the kangaroo court could say see
we told you so we told you john was a
bad guy and again
how i reacted to these tabloid
journalists would be my choice
so i had two important things to
remember what to renounce the person i
was
and also not to become the most i was
trying to defeat so i made a conscious
effort not to change whilst i was in
prison
i did my best at forgetting that i was
in prison and instead looked at the
world around me
as any other i was still a person and
the people around me were still people
it will sound like a cliche but an
extract from what is known as the prayer
of serenity
i believe is extremely important
philosophy grant me the spirituality to
accept the things i cannot change
the courage to change the things i can
no wisdom to know the difference
every time i was confronted with a
problem or dilemma i had two choices
to do something or to not do it not or
to do nothing
there is no third option this vision not
to do anything is also a conscious act
maybe most of us are afraid at times to
do the right thing
maybe only idiots are not afraid the
consequences could be drastic for
example i know of a similar situation in
australia
where a man protected someone being
attacked by a new unites and he himself
was killed by the attackers
but the way i cope with the fear is to
think of myself in the future
looking back at myself and judging
myself judging the actions i took
or didn’t take when confronted with a
dilemma the fear of doing what is right
will have long been forgotten
but the regret of having the opportunity
to have help someone in their time of
need
and not having active would be with me
for the rest of my life
again there are only two choices to do
something or to do nothing
there is no third option thank you very
much for listening to me
you