So What do you do
[Music]
imagine you’re at
a social event it could be in person or
virtual
when someone at that event inevitably
asks you
so what do you do
just take a moment to think about how
you would answer that question
now i imagine a lot of you would have
answered with what’s written on your
business cards
and that’s not surprising nor is it
wrong for most of us this question
is asked and answered on autopilot
and is typically interpreted to mean
what do you do
for a living but that’s just one part of
how we’re living as human beings
and the way we answer that familiar
question what do you do
we’ll be shaping our experience of
ourself and the story of our life
every time we’re asked that question is
an opportunity to tell our story
now i’m sure all of you do lots of
different things you might play golf at
the weekends
volunteer for a local charity run a book
club organize
wine tastings we all have many strings
to our bows we’re not just one thing
so in this day and age how should we
answer this question honestly and
authentically
say for example you’re an accountant
that’s how you make your money
pay your mortgage and look after your
family
but what if you also make wedding cakes
on the side
which one is true at what point do you
feel it’s okay to tell the story of
i’m a baker i design and create bespoke
cakes for weddings
how much time do we need to be spending
on an activity or
how much money do we need to be making
from that activity
for that to be the truth the point is
that both
things can be true all of these selves
are us we’re not just one thing
yet when we’re asked the what do you do
question people are typically expecting
one answer one story that shapes their
understanding
of who we are what we do and puts us in
a box
a box that profoundly affects our
identity and sense of self
and of course there are times when we
all want to be taken
seriously the temptation can be to
answer in a way that says
i’m important but is what you’re saying
important to you if you’re happy
answering with your job title that’s
fantastic
honor that and own that but if you find
yourself in a situation
where you’d rather be talking about a
different part of yourself a part that
speaks to more of who you are as a
unique human being
becoming conscious of your automatic
answers will give you more choice
we’re told not to judge a book by its
cover
yet so many of us judge and then define
ourselves and each other by these titles
i started my career as an actress and
whilst i was good at telling stories on
stage and screen
i wasn’t very good at telling my own
life story
particularly with regards to the what do
you do question
because like a lot of actors i did do a
lot of different things
i remember one time being really nervous
about going to my
then boyfriend’s family party we’d only
recently met and i was eager to make a
good first impression
but it had been months since i’d had a
decent audition let alone a noteworthy
acting role so
i was struggling to own the i’m an actor
identity because
i wasn’t doing all that much of it nor
was it paying my bills
instead i’d be making money through
nighttime shifts at a packing factory
so i could still go to the occasional
audition or acting class during the day
before the party i shared my anxiety
with my acting coach philippa
she threw it back at me well what do you
do katie
what are you doing at the moment that
you’re really enjoying
i paused to think about this well
i’ve been doing a bit of stand-up comedy
around london but i’m not paid i’m not
professional and i’m probably not any
good
she looked at me for a long moment but
they didn’t ask you if you were paid
professional or good they asked you what
do you do
and right now stand up comedy is
something you’re doing and enjoying so
talk about that
i was skeptical i mean did i really want
to imply to my new boyfriend’s family
that i was a stand-up comedian
this was never going to go well fast
forward to the party i’ve barely taken
off my coat before someone pops the
question what do i do well
i didn’t want to talk about the factory
or my fledgling acting career so i
dived in the deep end and followed
philippa’s advice
i do stand-up comedy no way that’s
amazing i’ve always been aware of people
who do stand up
do you find it scary before long
a little crowded gathered around keen to
hear about my experiences in the world
of stand-up
and i realized that they didn’t care if
i was
paid professional or good they were
interested in me
as a human being
that was the day i recognized the power
of storytelling in everyday life
there are a number of ways we can all
answer the what do you do question
and the way we answer it can completely
transform
our experience of ourself and the story
we end up living
here’s the thing about story it creates
our experience
it comes first we often wait for our
lives to happen in order to tell the
story
but actually the stories we’re telling
ourselves now create our lives
so this isn’t just for storytellers in
the traditional sense
this is for everyone whether you’re a
bus driver or a banker
retired or unemployed young or old you
can start answering the what do you do
question
in a way that will bring more of who you
are and who you want
to be into your life we can choose
how we show up in our answer to that
question
so whilst i thought i wanted to tell
people at the party that i was an actor
what was at the core of that dream was
something so simple
a desire to tell stories and that’s what
i was doing with stand-up comedy
and that’s what i’m doing now i’m
telling my story
and when i look back i can see that
storytelling is the thread that connects
many things i do and have done in my
life
it’s shown up in many different ways and
under many different job titles
i write articles i host a podcast i sing
in a choir
and as a coach i help people to take
charge of the narratives that they’re
putting out into the world
i am a storyteller and that’s something
i can own and live from in lots of
different ways
it’s not confined by the tangibles of a
certain job title
description or salary first and foremost
it’s who i am
it’s how i’m choosing to show up in the
world
and that ultimately informs what i do
and how i live
i remember walking into that party
feeling
embarrassed and slightly ashamed that i
was struggling to answer that question
but now i can see that that moment was a
gift because
it helped me to appreciate the many
other parts of my life
instead of defining myself by simple
straightforward job title
i was forced to step back and see the
bigger picture
just as actors step into many different
characters
in our everyday lives we also step into
a variety of roles professionally and
personally
and the impact of the covid19 pandemic
this year has been
such a wake-up call to this
so i was originally supposed to give
this talk in april 2020
but like so many conferences weddings
sporting events and holidays
it was put on hold and many of us found
ourselves living under lockdown
regulations
what we did and what we were planning on
doing in 2020
suddenly looked really different for
some
jobs and responsibilities were stripped
away and for others
roles began to overlap the lines blurred
between father
manager and now suddenly home school
teacher
we could no longer divide our identity
so easily
when the geography that separates work
from school
or the gyms from our homes no longer
applied
and it became impossible to ignore the
fact that
we’re not just our job titles we do lots
of different things
and what we do and how we do it is
continually changing
yet when it comes to the what do you do
question we’re so often expected to have
a
fixed financially focused answer
and if not made to feel like what we’re
doing and
who we’re being isn’t enough
which i believe is a disservice to our
humanity
because some of the most interesting and
important parts of our lives sit outside
of our job titles
like raising the next generation of
human beings celebrating with friends or
falling in love
as a parent a partner or friend what you
do becomes
bigger than just you so
yes whilst you are the leading role in
your life
never forget that you’re surrounded by a
cast of characters
family friends colleagues your community
all people who inform and shape the
story of you
you’re never standing on stage alone
now a common misconception about acting
is that it’s about placing a character
on top of who you are
yet in reality what really good actors
do is they stretch into a different part
of themselves
and as human beings we can and we do do
the same
we can choose to dial up or dial down
certain parts of ourselves that will
best serve us in any given situation
we have so much more range than we often
realize
which is why for me fully stepping into
this character
katie and embracing its breadth and
diversity
is by far the most fulfilling and
freeing part i’ve had the privilege to
play there’s a lot going on in this
one-woman show
and what i do for a job that’s one part
of me
and it certainly doesn’t have to define
who i am as a person
and who i am becoming your answer
only offers a tiny snapshot of who you
are
one of the many complex and
contradictory plot lines in the story of
your life
so the next time you’re asked the what
do you do question
i challenge you to change the game
break through your autopilot responses
and breathe
life into your answer by switching your
focus from
what you do to who you want to be in the
world
what makes your heart sing gets you out
of bed in the morning gives you a sense
of belonging and meaning
after all we’re not human doings we’re
human beings
and who we are is so much bigger and
better than what’s written on our
business cards
thank you