Why ask the question Why
visualize this
there’s a group of youngsters who have
been planning something for a week now
they’re really excited because today is
the day that they get to execute their
plan
they’re waiting for that one phone call
that would let them know about their
approaching target
as the call comes they’re all set
as soon as they get their target where
they want him
they strike with all their might using
stones cakes it all
the victim has no other way out but to
run for his life
they follow him mercilessly finally
all exhausted they stop but
with a feeling of a mission accomplished
now by listening to this narration if at
least some of us were feeling
not just out of curiosity but some
genuine concern
why would somebody do this well then
we do have hope for humanity
good evening ladies and gentlemen i’m
deepa panikin
and i’m going to talk about importance
of asking questions
especially why
let me add a small detail to that
narration that i just finished
this is a real incident and the victim
in this case
is a small puppy dog i so hope
that doesn’t make you feel any less
sorry
about the incident you know you could
very well replace the victim
the perpetrator and the scenario with
any other crime
and you might as well agree that many a
times
what shakes us to the core in such cases
is the motive or even worse the utter
lack of motive
you know i’m also a trainer for
universal human values
and that has given me an opportunity to
interact with trainers across nations
and we have come to understand this fact
that today as a progressive society what
threatens us the most
more than natural disasters or even wild
animals for that matter
is the indefinite unpredictable human
behavior
here we are today discussing grey matter
and i do believe self-control and
decision making
are integral to it
take any theory of emotional
intelligence and it will tell you
that for you to be able to manage your
emotions responses
and thereby your behavior it is
important that you first understand
and reason with them
and when you need a reason what is the
question we ask
why we as a race
seem to have lost touch with the art
and science of reasoning with our own
emotions and responses
thereby our actions so through my talk i
would try to emphasize
how asking why using the sense of
reasoning
can make us less judgmental more
empathetic
respectful open communicators and
thereby
better supportive humans you know for me
asking this question why started quite
early
all credit to my mom and dad who
encouraged it a lot
imagine as a teenager barging into your
dad’s room
and cracking an utter joke suicidal you
might think
well i did it my dad
after a few awkward moments of silence
very nicely asked me
why did you think it was okay to bring
that joke
i blabbered something then came the next
important question
why did you think it was okay to joke
about it
this it becomes important because the
joke was on homosexuality
and i back then had no idea what it was
in the conversation that followed my dad
shared a lot of
wisdom and perspective and i learned
three very important lessons that day
first since my dad did not judge me
i was comfortable to talk which means
lesser the judgment better the
communication
second i realized that before i go ahead
and label things as
embarrassing taboo unacceptable
i would rather reason with them and
understand why i want to take that stand
and third i realized i could bring
anything home
that thought was very empowering
now don’t get me wrong i’m not saying
that we should encourage adult jokes at
home
what i’m trying to emphasize is that we
need to encourage open communication
you know there’s a study conducted by
filtrated with victims of
body shaming and many of them
confided that for them body shaming
began at home
67 percent of women for them it started
because of their mothers
and 47 percent of men mentioned that
closest friends
are the ones who were the love interests
there’s one thing about insecurities and
inhibitions
i do believe we wouldn’t want to do that
to our loved ones intentionally
so then what goes wrong
what goes wrong is we don’t stop to
question
or reason with this whole idea of social
acceptance
if only inhibitions and insecurities
were allowed to be discussed openly
the process of healing would start but
when we don’t do that
we are ideally pushing our young minds
to external sources
because we are more judgmental
you know there is a study conducted by
cyber sentinel in 2019
with youngsters as to how much time they
are spending on the internet and what is
it that they are looking for
i’m sure by now some of you are already
thinking pornography family planning
yes those are there on the list but what
is also there on the list
is diet plan weight loss
self-esteem and emotional support
wow i wonder what
that says about us as a society if our
young minds have to go to google for
emotional support
where are we going wrong
it’s high time we reasoned with our set
pattern of thinking
and beliefs why would
we feel embarrassed or ashamed about
discussing those vital aspects of life
with those people who are the most
important ones to us
it’s high time we encouraged open
communication
and that would help us move beyond
judgments to be a little more empathetic
interaction with young minds is very
important and that’s why i believe as an
educator it’s a blessing
i get to interact with so many young
minds but at the same time
i have to put a conscious effort to
reason with my
actions behavior and my emotions my
thoughts
otherwise instead of inspiring
i might as well end up doing lot of
damage
you know when i just started teaching it
was just my first year of teaching
when i met this person who was into a
habit of conducting a survey
he would actually go to these teachers
and find out about class
and students that we were yet to teach
now i am not against the idea of being
well informed
but then we have to be careful when you
are gathering emotions
in terms of opinions if we fail to
reason with those
we end up with only judgments and labels
i do believe that when i enter a
classroom
i would want my students to gauge me or
connect with me based on their personal
interaction with me
and not based on what they have heard
from someone or they’ve heard from
somewhere
well then it’s only fair that i give
them the same opportunity
rather if you look at it it is their
right
this approach of reasoning with what
all my actions thereby has helped me
enter a classroom without these labels
these judgments that extra burden and
thereby
i connect with my students at a level
where they become comfortable
they feel the mutual respect and it
makes easy for them
to communicate effectively with me
you know let me share this another
instance with you
uh i saw this habit of taking up
students the
role numbers for discussion it’s fine as
long as you’re taking attendance
but then when you’re discussing
individuals and you still refer to them
by numbers
we do have a problem there so what i did
was with all these observations
i went ahead and used them while i was
while i was interacting with teachers
be it in a seminar workshop training
whatever
all we had to do was reason with these
actions
so i would ask them a simple question as
imagine one day you enter your workplace
and instead of being called as let’s say
deeper you’re called as triple one
triple zero how does it feel
and they would all agree that it was
kind of demeaning
and they didn’t really like the sound of
it
so then the question was very simple why
would you do that to your students then
and it would click interestingly many
teachers post the sessions came
and told me that we have stopped doing
that but what was more
important was that many teachers
mentioned they had never thought of it
that way
it was not intentional that is the
beauty of reasoning
it opens up perspectives for you which
otherwise remain
unexplored thereby helping you become
more empathetic
it helps you understand people and
thereby it also helps your understanding
of the concept
respect yes respect now let’s come to
that let me share another experience
with you
i was at this interview and one of the
panelists was
not really happy with me because i had
attended a
you know a workshop on how social media
could be used for english language
teaching
and she told me very clearly that she
was dead against social media
the reason that she stated was that a
girl and her family
had to commit suicide because uh the
girls photographs
on facebook were hacked
morphed and published indecently
so blame it on facebook and blame it on
the girl
when i sat there reasoning with this
what i felt was
there was some person on social media
who did not realize
that even in virtual space respect is
due
you have to respect a person and their
right to privacy
also this person was incapable
or let’s say he did not have the ability
to reason with his thoughts and actions
thereby he ended up doing such a big
damage
why blame him alone let’s blame it on a
society as well
we as a society are akin to picking up
easy targets conveniently and
unreasonably enough
we would rather blame the victim and add
to that trauma
indulge in victim blaming instead
of going after the culprit so what is
wrong with us here
what is wrong is that we don’t use our
sense of reasoning
we don’t ask why is it that we follow
this herd mentality
and continue with a sick set fixed
pattern of behavior
why is it that we start thinking of
respect as an
object which is kept out there and it
could be taken away by
from me by somebody else’s insensitive
inhuman behavior
my dear friends i do believe that
respect
is self-defining
every time i open my mouth to say
something about somebody
or act for or against someone i actually
expose more of
my character and not of the other person
so my class my community
my gender my age my sexual orientation
the fact that i’m a rape survivor or a
survivor of acid attack
the fact that i don’t want to fit into a
propagated framework
set apart by the society or the fact
that
i’m an english teacher from an arts
background teaching and engineering
college
none of this can decide whether i’m
deserving or undeserving of respect
why do we respect we respect because
we can i’ll repeat that
we respect because we can and if we
can’t
then high time we question what is it
that pushes us into a zone
where we become so insensitive that we
cannot even respect our own kind
you know i tell my students that
whenever somebody comes to you with
appreciation or criticism always seek
reasons
why well because if you know the reasons
you know what you’re good at
and you also know what you need to
improve on
but if either of these things comes
without
reasons well do realize that you have to
understand it is baseless
and you should be able to move on
i do believe this reasoning approach has
become very important because
one i need to safeguard the interest of
my students
i want to make sure their self-esteem is
not put on the line
second i do feel that
it will make them more humble grounded
and accommodated
my sessions with my students are not
about just a concept
we discuss life experiences we reason
with beliefs
we reason with perspectives we reason
with failures and vulnerabilities
so they know that the teacher is not
perfect and it’s okay to fail
as long as you’re ready to learn and get
back on your feet
this kind of a healthy discussion this
kind of
a reason based approach makes us people
who are good listeners
we are open to new perspectives and we
do realize
that though we share the same planet
each one has a different world of
experience to bring
and we respect that we accommodate that
i do believe that is what is required
today
this sense of reasoning has also helped
me as an educator
because i’ve come to realize that what i
serve is not just a system or an
institution
i serve a bigger purpose that has helped
me touch lives
you know we live in a society where
certain set frameworks get propagated so
influentially
that they become a norm and then it is
expected that you give
absolute allegiance if not question it
now
then when we are in for trouble if we
don’t use our sense of reasoning
so all i’m trying to say is that we have
one life to live
and we have a gift of sense of reasoning
we could use it to add value to people’s
life
or make people’s lives miserable choice
is completely ours
but it is important that we ask why and
we use the sense of reasoning wisely and
well
for this will decide whether it is tales
of
fear insecurity or
tales of humanity empathy and respect
that our future generations will get to
tell
thank you