My testimony as a refugee in France
[Music]
hi
my name is nixia on winter of 2019
i was a homeless refugee in paris
i was sleeping on the ground while i was
hiding behind the cars
i was hungry i was sleepless and sick
mentally and physically
i was all alone nobody knew who i am
nobody knew who i was nobody cares
all the time i was praying although i
would rather to die
than living that situation i was praying
for
magic i was praying for a hero
to find me and take my hand and save me
but as a lonely girl in a foreign
country
with the name of being refugee
i was invisible for everyone
even for heroes
i had two choices wait for
magic or
for a hero or become my own
hero we just
don’t losing my hope and
just continue to seeing myself
as a successful woman again
but how did i got there
i was born in the country that
woman actually has no right i was born
in tehran iran
you can choose where you want to burn
but you can choose who you want to be
and what will be your future
it was all my thought came when i was a
child
since i was a little girl i had the
dream to become a superstar
like most of us but my dream was so
serious i was seeing myself
as a successful star when i was watching
some movies when i was
watching even some music video or
looking at some
models picture i was like i want to be
one of them
but in my country a lot of jobs are
illegal for women
actually they are not even exist to a
woman want to work
work in that area
for becoming an actress in the time that
i was living in iran when i was a child
not all families would accept that the
children go to the art school my family
was one of them
long story short i grew up
and i decided to fight more and more for
my dream
i decided to do what makes me feel happy
what makes me feel proud
with a lot of problems that i had
finally
i became a model
i was so proud i was making good money
it was my dream job and i was living in
that dream
in my country women as a model
they must do that with hijab
there you can do modeling or
anything without hijab
but the girl inside me she wanted to
work as
all international models she wanted to
do her job like like if as a free woman
like all models all around the world
so i started to work more than laws
and government couldn’t accept that
they tried to punish me with 148 times
weeps
and send my dead body to the jail
so i had no choice but
running away from my country
on 2017 with one small bag
and limited cash on my pocket
i fleed my country i opened my eyes
i found myself alone
in unknown world i couldn’t even speak
one word english
it it was crazy i can’t even
explain how it feels i left everything
that i
loved behind my father my family my
friends
my cats my my home my
everything i became
nobody
after a long time depression i decided
to fight for my dream again
i i said to myself past this past
but future still exists so
fight for it go for it do something
but before anything i just needed a
safe zone for having an id and
continue my life but as a as an iranian
girl
or man it’s not easy
to have a visa for foreign countries for
most of countries so
i was so nervous and long story short
somebody helped me to
get a visa and for the first time i came
to europe
and i become refugee in france
i’m not gonna lie to you being a refugee
is the worst thing that can happen to
somebody
i don’t know you believe in karma or not
but i do
when i was a child we had a lot of
refugees in our country
afghan refugees
and i was a child
but it was all the parents thought that
they put in the
in our minds that the thoughts like
don’t walk next to them don’t look into
your their eyes
don’t talk with them don’t don’t
look at them don’t do anything with them
and we just hated them with no reason
they were real education educated
they were well educated or they were
good people or bad people we didn’t care
they were just in our country and we
hated them
because they looked different they
they didn’t know us we didn’t know them
and it was just all hate between us
and them
actually there was some of them
that they were doing some bad things
like
they were stealing something or some of
them raped some iranian
girls and because of these things
we started to judge even good ones all
the jobs that they could find
was shitty jobs like a be a doorman or
i don’t know manual worker with the
stupid money we use them
when i became refugee in france
government told me that i can work
i can have a house and
till i receive my answer they gave me 10
euros per day to live
imagine i came to the friends
with limited money and that money
finished
i was scared i started to trust to
people
to completely strangers
but when you’re alone when you have no
id
when you even live with look good
it’s like a magnet you attract wrong
people
nobody was behind me nobody protected me
nobody knew
where am i what am i doing
i started to trust to strangers and
unfortunately
it’s end up with they
just wanted to have sex with me just
have a sex for a safe place or for a job
and when i was not accepting that they
were
kicking me out of their places i don’t
know they
they just i heard million times why
don’t you
go back to your damn country what are
you doing here
we don’t need foreign air in our country
once somebody kidnapped me once i was
locked in
another city with completely stranger
and a lot of crazy things happened to me
at the end i decided to jump into my
fear
my biggest fear that was sleeping in the
street
i get tired of crazy people around me
so i started to live in the street
i thought my life gonna change
i’m gonna change it but it was just
getting worse and worse
when i was sleeping in the street when i
had no money
when i saw how people treated with
refugee or homeless people or
people like me all inside me was full of
anger
i really wanted to hurt somebody i
really when i was hungry i really wanted
to steal something
to just to just eat and do you know what
what thing was in my head the first
thing came to my head
was refugees in my country
the first thing that came to my head was
the refugees who were raping and
stealing something
and i thought to myself oh my god
it’s a karma you know time
passed and passed and now i was in the
same situation
and i could feel them not everybody are
strong to
keep their soul white when they are in
hard situations
a lot of times in the metro there is
some boxes with
food i don’t know what is this
machine’s name but i was even thinking
like broke it and eat something just
just take something to eat
i was thinking stealing some bags some i
just
i need food
but i didn’t but not everybody are
strong enough so this
i was thinking it was us to lead
people to do bad thing when you’re alone
when nobody care about you when you’re
hungry
when when when you can’t have your needs
not everybody can be strong and say i
will do it on future a lot of us will
lose ourselves
not everybody can be strong and say i
will
do it on future a lot of us will lose
ourselves
and maybe do crazy things so this is us
to lead people to do bad things
i just kept on praying and praying
and the magic that i was waiting for it
just happened
i just control myself to keep my soul
white to do not
do crazy thing and one day when i
thought
my life is over i you know
all under my eyes were black because
government told me that if you lose your
documents
you have to leave country we don’t care
so imagine
i had no money in my back in my luggage
but
it was my refugee documents and
all the time i was telling to myself i
have to protect this what if somebody
think that i have money and steal this
back so
imagine for a long time for a long time
i was not sleeping
i was not eating something and i
remember i was controlling
um i was losing the control of my head
my head was shaking like that
and one day i just i just
cried and cried and i thought
it’s over even in my nightmares
i never saw myself in that situation
but exactly in that moment magic
happened
one of the one of the journalists of
really one of the in my english is so
bad
one of the famous journalists for uh
that worked for a famous
um newspaper in france he found me
he found me and he wrote my story he
wrote down my story after that and other
countries wrote my story
and like that people starting to know my
story
know me give me good energy took
taking my hand and like that my life
started to change
but now i feel like
it’s my responsibility to tell you
that you need to change your point of
view about refugee people
refugee people are not here to take your
place
to take your opportunities refugee
people
had no choice there is some countries
that
you can go to school there are some
countries that woman has no
right there is some countries you can
buy your
your medicine there is war out there
we all have right for living
we all have right to live
happy
these people has no choice just being
nice with them
just be nice with them don’t lead them
to the wrong places
i followed my dream
and i end up there i’m just
not gonna lie to you following your
dream it’s not easy
sometimes it hurts you it takes
all you have
sometimes you need to drown to know how
to swim
sometimes bad things happen to universe
just see
how much you want you want that dream
and i proved that i wanted so much
today i’m nobody to tell you what you
have to do about your dream
but i’m so proud that all my you know
you
god heard my voice and now
today i wrote a book about my life about
women
about sexual abusing about refugees
about homeless people
maybe this book can change the point of
view of people
about people who living in the same
situation that i was living
i want to end it with one poet that i
love it so much
as sadie said human beings are member of
a whole
in creation of essence and soul
if one member is african
with pain other members uneasy will
remain
if you have no sympathy for human pain
the name of human you cannot retain
just be nice
you